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Velvet
11th Jun 2001, 14:05
IN THE BEGINNING...

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Quickly, God was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. God was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.

Then God said, "Let there be light!"

Immediately, the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution?

God explained that the light would come from a large ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, and that he would obtain a building permit and to conserve energy, He would have the light out half the time.

God agreed and offered to call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night."

The officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.

God said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation, plant yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit."

The Environmental Agency agreed, so long as only native seed was used.

Then God said, "Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures and let birds fly above the earth."

The officials pointed out that this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Green Party. Everything was okay until God said the project would be completed in six days.

The officials said it would take at least two hundred days to review the applications and the impact statement. After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would be ten to twelve months before...

At this point God created Hell.



------------------
How do you explain to a caterpillar that it can become a butterfly, and will, regardless of its current belief system.

Slasher
11th Jun 2001, 15:30
To continue:

At this point God created Hell.

The original building plans called for hell to be created entirely from cow dung. The project site was to be atop the tallest mountain peak in the world. However the environmentalists lodged an injunction against this, citing cow dung creates dangerous airborne global warming gases and impact on the environment of Mt Everest. So God decided to build it out of fire and brimstone and as a further safeguard would build it 120 km underground.
The Angels of Lucifer Union immediatley kicked up a stink citing that contract negotiations with Heaven management specificaly gave all devils and demons the right of free asociation with mankind until the Second Coming of christ. 120 km underground would give them limited access to the surface where humans lived. After the initial court hearing they garnered a lot of public support when Lucifer stated how horrible the world would be without demons providing the temptation to humans to drink, fornicate, and set up and access porn web-sites. But in the end God won approval for the plans because his lawyer successfuly proved that ectoplasm has no problem passing through matter, even 120km of the stuff. The impact study of how Hell affects volcano activity and continent-drift is still going on, which should result in about 150 years time with a court order to God to please shift Hell to one of the outer moons of Uranus.

Blacksheep
11th Jun 2001, 16:22
Some time later God found that the humans were spending all their time drinking, fornicating and making blasphemous posts on PPRuNe. So he decided to send a Great Rain to clean the place up. Before he started the downpour he warned his old favourite Noah (a zoologist who looked after the animals for National Geographic Channel) to build an ark and get a pair of each animal on it. God wanted to get things started automatically again later without bothering with a second creation, see. When Noah was done and all the creatures were aboard, God started the rains and it chucked it down solid for forty days and forty nights. When the rain stopped Noah and his floating menagerie were stuck on the old yacht for a long time. It got a bit ripe below decks if you see what I mean. So Noah's wife and kids got stuck into him to do something about it. They organised the Elephants (who were responsible for more than their fair share of the problem in any case) to shove all the offending material up onto the deck and into a huge pile. When it was all clear down below Noah gave the command well known to all those who served in or sailed with the Andrew - "Ditch the gash by 0800!" - and the Elephants pushed the great pile overboard into the sea. Where it remained until it was discovered much later by Christopher Columbus.

**********************************
Through difficulties to the cinema

ExSimGuy
11th Jun 2001, 23:47
. . . and for a while, things went reasonably well after that, until God allowed the Wright Brothers to invent a machine that would fly, though heavier than air.

At first, they did not much harm, with samll motive devices derived from the drive systems already used for land-bound vehicles. But then these machines begat bigger machines, and yet bigger, and bigger, and required two, then three, then four motive devices to keep them aloft.

After a few dozen mortal-years, even four of these motive devices, with their dozens of component parts all moving in different directions, were not enough to keep the monstrous machines aloft, so God inspired the prophet Whittle to design a motive source that required far less bits moving in different directions and yet produced more force to keep the machines aloft and used a far cheaper source of power called "para-finn".

These para-finn drive sources had no limit to their size and soon they had one called "Trentz", that were so big that a mortal could stand in the great maw, with his arms stretched heaven-wards, and yet not encompass the space they enclosed.

Not content with machines that required two of these "Trentz" to hold them aloft, and were the cause of the Great Religious Schism called "Eetopz", the peoples of the Eastern Lands (not the ones formed by the Elephants and later dicovered by Columbus) built a machine that was so big that it needed four of these monsters to avoid colliding with the ground at an untimely moment. They called it the "Aythreayaighty".

The people of the Western Continent (the one with the elephantine heritage) were so dismayed at this that the rulers of the land (inspired by their sages and mages, of which they have many, all so hallowed that they might only be named only by their three initials) conspired together to add noxious substances to the para-finn that these monsters drank, substances that were drifted downwards and caused the mind-control of the serfs and could only be seen when they formed great trails in the sky before descending.

. . . . . (next?)

Rollingthunder
12th Jun 2001, 03:58
This doesn't quite fit, but...

A lay preacher who claimed he did not need car insurance because God had given him divine protection from harm has been
fined nearly 800.

Magistrates in Neath, south Wales, heard how Peter David, a devout Christian, told traffic police that the Lord was on his side.

He could face further punishment after refusing to pay the fines imposed.

The court was told that he had also refused to buy road tax because the Lord said he "didn't have to."

Mr David, 66, was stopped during a routine vehicle check.

They soon discovered that Mr David from Skewen near Neath, had no tax, MOT or insurance.

Nicola Powell, prosecuting, said police officers also found that he was using a false number plate on his Ford Sierra.

"I also noticed that it was failing to display road tax. I asked him why and he said for the same reason - 'the Lord says I do not have to.

Magistrates were then told that the home-made registration DEUT 818 refers to the Bible's Book of Deuteronomy, Chapter 8 Verse 18 which warns that God is the only source of power.

Pc Richard Coulthard said that after finding the registration was invalid, David had said: "The Lord told me I could put verses
for His praise and glory."

The officer went on: "I then conducted a check on the chassis and I established that the correct vehicle index should have been
A903 BUX."

"I also noticed that it was failing to display road tax. I asked him why and he said for the same reason - 'the Lord says I do not
have to."

"I asked him if he had insurance for the vehicle and he said 'same reason, God's protection'."

Mr David admitted the offences to the police but refused to enter a guilty plea in court.

Magistrates ordered him to pay a total of 758.75 in fines, costs and back duty to the DVLA.

But after being sentenced, David told the court that he did not expect to pay the fine.

"God's word is the only law I recognise."

Speaking outside the court, he said: "I do not recognise the authority of the court or the Parliament in England."

"God's word is the only law I recognise..."

"On February 15, 1996, God told me I didn't need insurance, over-ruling, in my case, a sensible law."

"I was to trust Him for His protection, which I did. He has delivered me from possible death twice since then - praise God."

BBC

[This message has been edited by Rollingthunder (edited 12 June 2001).]

TopGrob
15th Jun 2001, 02:40
When Sqd Ldr Bloggs died after a mid-air he arrived at the pearly gates fully equipped in flying suit with wings and shades.

Filling in the usual forms for admittance to heaven he notices a guy in a flying suit with wings and a pair of shades, flying around on a cloud.

"When do I get my own cloud?" he asks.

Only to be told that clouds will not be issued.

"But that guy has one. I was a pilot, and I should have a cloud" The Sqd Ldr complains!

"Oh him, sir. No, thats God, he just thinks he's a pilot".

Flintstone
15th Jun 2001, 17:42
Hey Blacksheep.

That 'Ark' thingy sounds a bit like the rescue disc I have for Windows.

Maybe Bill Gates is God after all.

What do you reckon ocb? http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

old_cross_bound
16th Jun 2001, 02:51
Velvet the theist! Ha!

No Vevlet "dear sinner, just like the rest of us", it was the fall of man that filled the created universe with the enviromental destruction we now see and will continue until the consumation of the world as we know it sweetie pie, in hell fire.

So, get use to it, it's only just begun.

Remember, there were no earthquates or flood or, or, or....until the fall of man and evil began. When God judges the world separating good from evil once and for all some will be in eternal paradise but most will be eviromental clean up slaves for your present master, satan.

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

ocb :)

Kaptin M
16th Jun 2001, 03:17
And after DOG had created Heaven, Earth and Hell, he* decided to create an image in his* own likeness - however due to an over-indulgence in the amber fluid the night before (and because he* still hadn't invented mirrors) he* wasn't REALLY sure exactly what he* looked like, he* cloned dogs in all colours - white, yellow, black, and brown - then unsure of his* gender (because DOG doesn't have a sex organ) he* made a he AND a she.
And the Human Rights and Sex discrimination activists were mightily pleased, for it was right that DOG should not be seen to be male nor female, nor black nor white nor brindle!

And to further prove that DOG was completely unbiased, he* then sought the creators of Dolly the sheep for their advice, and having spoken with them DOG did an amazing thing - he* cloned himself* to produce other DOGS...Buddah, Allah, Jesus, Bob Hawke, Tony Blair, Bill Clinton, and OCB...and DOG smiled, for he* was pleased with his creations (even tho' he* was still hungover from the night before).

*Reference to the male gender is used, as it is widely acknowleged that had DOG been a she, the trees, grass and other vegetation would have been pink.

!God!
16th Jun 2001, 03:46
See what you started Velvet. No, sorry, you didn't start it, and the arguing will be eternal. BTW, I don't have a dictionary on this particular cloud, what is a "theist"

There is no hell fire, that is just a church thing to try to keep you all in line.

There will be earthquates and volconos and misery and joy. It's all ramdom. You have my wurd on it.

Ed Winchester
16th Jun 2001, 03:53
ocb,

Do me a favour, like the Christian type you are. Pish off to somewhere where people give a hoot about your views, there's a good chimp.

old_cross_bound
16th Jun 2001, 05:27
Kaptin M

And after DOG had created Heaven, Earth and Hell, he* decided to create an image in his* own likeness - however due to an over-indulgence in the amber fluid the night before (and because he* still hadn't invented mirrors) he* wasn't REALLY sure exactly what he* looked like, he* cloned dogs in all colours - white, yellow, black, and brown - then unsure of his* gender (because DOG doesn't have a sex organ) he* made a he AND a she.

***Yes, very uninsightful observation!

And the Human Rights and Sex discrimination activists were mightily pleased, for it was right that DOG should not be seen to be male nor female, nor black nor white nor brindle!
And to further prove that DOG was completely unbiased, he* then sought the creators of Dolly the sheep for their advice, and having spoken with them DOG did an amazing thing - he* cloned himself* to produce other DOGS...Buddah, Allah, Jesus, Bob Hawke, Tony Blair, Bill Clinton, and OCB...and DOG smiled, for he* was pleased with his creations (even tho' he* was still hungover from the night before).

***Yes, "thoughtlessness", pour us another round bartender!

*Reference to the male gender is used, as it is widely acknowleged that had DOG been a she, the trees, grass and other vegetation would have been pink.

***Who can top this!!! Who!!!!!!!!!?



!God!

See what you started Velvet. No, sorry, you didn't start it, and the arguing will be eternal. BTW, I don't have a dictionary on this particular cloud, what is a "theist"
There is no hell fire, that is just a church thing to try to keep you all in line.

There will be earthquates and volconos and misery and joy. It's all ramdom. You have my wurd on it.

***A theist is like an agnostic especially when in the bathroom and late at night when breeze blows in one ear and out the other, only different, you know!

Ed Winchester

ocb,
Do me a favour, like the Christian type you are. Pish off to somewhere where people give a hoot about your views, there's a good chimp.


*** Eds best line ever, " I might be ugly but at least I don't have any money!"

Come strong little Ed or don't come at all.... son!


Velvet,

Just stretching that forked tongue again or what?

ocb :)

Slasher
16th Jun 2001, 08:20
You know OCB if you hadve got into the spirit of the thread instead of posting all that crap we mightve started to actualy like you.

Looks like Shh..NA has had the heat taken off him for a while.

Loki
16th Jun 2001, 12:29
I was beginning to enjoy this thread.


"There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way"



[This message has been edited by Loki (edited 16 June 2001).]

old_cross_bound
16th Jun 2001, 20:25
Slasher

You know OCB if you hadve got into the spirit of the thread instead of posting all that crap we mightve started to actualy like you.
Looks like Shh..NA has had the heat taken off him for a while.

***And to think that if you had only answered any of my questions 6 months ago we would not be here in the gutter spitting at each other. Your turn!


Loki

I was beginning to enjoy this thread.

"There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way"

***It's like the easy way to obtain $5,000,000. First step, get a million dollars then follow our new and improved European investment strategy.

***ocb is a happy guy! ;) Eat your heart out yourself Velvet, you sinner!

ocb :)

COME STRONG OR DON'T COME AT ALL!!!!!


[This message has been edited by old_cross_bound (edited 16 June 2001).]

Flintstone
17th Jun 2001, 02:11
Cut..... paste ..... cut ..... paste ..... cut ..... paste..... etc


You just don't get it, do you ocb?

old_cross_bound
17th Jun 2001, 04:23
If you insist:

Here's one of my last post on newsmax. I cut and pasted it for Flintstone.


The nonbelievers worldview (Atheist, Agnostics, Pagans, Eastern religions)tells you at it's base level of it's belief (the root) Reality is "one" impersonal force and it's impossible to make the split between Creator and creature, God and creation. Bible believing Christians are the only ones who can accomplish this split in their view of reality.
Why is this? because Jesus said," I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the father but by me."

Having "one" level of reality is being part of some cosmic organism. The universe beneath you, above you, in front of you and behind you is an infinite impersonal "IT". You and your personal nature differ only in degree from it's electrons and protons.

In the one level "chain of being", your thinking, your talking, your emotions, loving, your artistic expressions are merely surface appearances in a reality that is basically impersonal.

You and other human beings are like personalized bubbles floating, for the moment, on an impersonal ocean of chance, alone.

This is the sum of your reality in total.

God lays before you eternally, life or death. Jesus just offered one way out, his! It's the only alternative to the previous dilemma he can possibly offer. The decision and your eternal destination is yours to choose. Jesus said, "come unto me and I will give you rest." Jesus stands at the door to your heart and knocks. Whoever opens that door, he will come in and you will "know" your maker.

ocb :)

Slasher
17th Jun 2001, 05:41
I never answered any of your bloodey questions OCB because they werent based on anything material, only superstitious nonsense. Ask questions based on something I can reach out and actualy grab hold of, not some nonsense you pulled out of an ancient book and offer it as a basis of a question and supporting evidence.

Anyway you cant get off your high horse can you? Everybody at some time sits back and has a laugh at something they consider serious. But not you huh? You must have a real sh!tty lonely life pal.

old_cross_bound
17th Jun 2001, 19:48
Slasher,

I can see you read my post. That's good. BTW, my life is just fine and I'm very happy with it. However, I do question your happiness.

ocb

Ed Winchester
18th Jun 2001, 00:35
Who does this remind you of? (http://www.winternet.com/~mikelr/flame63.html)

Nil nos tremefacit
18th Jun 2001, 00:45
Ed,

Great link. Made I smile. Can't think who you mean.

OCB, come in my mouth or don't come at all!!!!!!!!! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/confused.gif

Flintstone
19th Jun 2001, 02:08
Tell me ocb. Why do we non-believers get under your skin so?

Could it be that deep in your subconscious there lies a seed of doubt and that the thought that we might be right is too much for you?

"Jesus just offered one way out, his". So what? Many others have done so in the past. Doesn't mean they were right and let's face it, there's not an ounce of proof to support your arguments.

As Slasher says, give us something tangible and maybe we'll listen. Regurgitating verbiage from an old book is not proof.

Bob Hawke
19th Jun 2001, 07:46
The chief contributions by OCB to human thought is the massive proof that God is a bore.

If you keep cuming like that OCB, you will go blind. So don't come at all!

Slasher
19th Jun 2001, 16:55
OCB questions my happiness. Funny that. I dont give a sh!t about his, because he obviousley doesnt have any.

Say something funny in the spirit of the thread OCB, as Velvet intended. Im an atheist and even I made a contribution. Ill lay money that you cant do it, can you!

Shh... Noise Abatement
19th Jun 2001, 22:01
I DONT THINK ITS FUNNY TO LAUGH ABOUT GOD. WHY IS EVERYONE SO RUDE TO OLD CROSS BOUND? ITS NOT RITE.

Flintstone
19th Jun 2001, 23:09
Why?

Why is it not funny to laugh at God?

I laugh at just about everything else and anyway, he doesn't exist.

Velvet
20th Jun 2001, 00:01
Ssshhh my little pigeon, Is that Religious Rites. I agree they are not right. Flinty is quite right since God invented humour - it would be a sin not to use it.

Ocb is absolute proof that God has a sense of humour. A pity that the irony of this will totally escape ocb.


Slasher honey - I've said it before, but it bears repeating. Even though I believe completely in God, I would far rather dwell in your atheist world, than in ocb's religious but singularly joyless existence.

[This message has been edited by Velvet (edited 19 June 2001).]

Nil nos tremefacit
20th Jun 2001, 02:23
I'm sure that God invented humour, he certainly had a laugh at our expense - duck billed platypus, giraffe, dung beetle, the French etc. What I can't understand is why fundamental Christians seem so humourless.

Taking the pi** out of OCB is not being unfair. I remember the massive 'Flying sinners confess' thread. OCB was game to be quite rude to people all over the world who deigned to disagree with his view of life. Having a little gibe at OCB is completely harmless compared to the invective that many of us were subject to.

In all of his posts OCB failed to fully explain the plot of Dallas as any true Texan would, but indulged in recondite sophistry to asseverate his position. His Latin was borrowed as well!!!! ;)

Sunt lacrimae rerum.

Rollingthunder
20th Jun 2001, 03:48
Nils,

You keep sending me to my dictionary.
I gave up on the Dead latin language items however. Quaint though. Apparently the world is losing one language a day (+/-). Good thing too. Improves communication. Reversal of that babel thing. :)

coco-nuts
20th Jun 2001, 22:40
ocb keep cool matey hell come one day .
then u can cum strong fella .....lol....
i must remember to apostrophe my words.!

Aerosmith
21st Jun 2001, 03:17
OCB, Vir prudens non contraventum vingit, A wise man doesn't pi$$ against the wind, or something like that. Make a 180 before you harm yourself any more.

JudyTTexas
21st Jun 2001, 03:56
I'd like to make a judgmental statement about everyone being judgemental of OCB because he is judgemental of everyone else being judgemental about everyone who is judgemental...

...oh forget it... ;)

Brat
24th Jun 2001, 22:11
S...NA SEEMS TO BE A WITLESS T...T, and Crusty Old Bore just that.

It seemed a good start Velvet before the oafs moved in

Send Clowns
24th Jun 2001, 23:32
JudyT, I would like to disagree most respectfully that we are judgemental of Old CoBblers. He has given very good reason for people to take offense. My own vow never again to reply to him, for example, was brought about by his clear, libelous accusation of another member of the forum, Velvet, of serious offenses. Had he apologised, at the time or since, I would again be willing to answer his posts, as I often see gaping holes in his logic.

[This message has been edited by Send Clowns (edited 24 June 2001).]

old_cross_bound
27th Jun 2001, 21:23
I forgot about this thread!


Ed Winchester

Reminds me of Ed!

Nil nos tremefacit

Ed,
Great link. Made I smile. Can't think who you mean.

OCB, come in my mouth or don't come at all!!!!!!!!!

***Didn't realize you would really stoop that low but hey, hell is full of it you know!



Flintstone

Tell me ocb. Why do we non-believers get under your skin so?

***You don't, don't flatter yourself!

Could it be that deep in your subconscious there lies a seed of doubt and that the thought that we might be right is too much for you?

***There is no doubt when God makes it clear to you that he exist, sorry!

"Jesus just offered one way out, his". So what? Many others have done so in the past. Doesn't mean they were right and let's face it, there's not an ounce of proof to support your arguments.

***No, he offered the only way out, period. There's one person who has already proved it to me so it's you who are lacking the proof not me. I know for sure what happens when I die.

As Slasher says, give us something tangible and maybe we'll listen. Regurgitating verbiage from an old book is not proof.

***I didn't ever ask anyone to prove God to me before I came to know him. I went to the source, I ask him.

Bob Hawke

The chief contributions by OCB to human thought is the massive proof that God is a bore.
If you keep cuming like that OCB, you will go blind. So don't come at all!

***Do you vomit your thoughts alot?

Slasher

OCB questions my happiness. Funny that. I dont give a sh!t about his, because he obviousley doesnt have any.

***Of course you don't give a Sh!t! If I had the heart of a devil I wouldn't either. You serve your master well. You're a fine slave for the one you serve, denying your creator and following Gods adversary, Satan, who is on Gods leash.

Say something funny in the spirit of the thread OCB, as Velvet intended. Im an atheist and even I made a contribution. Ill lay money that you cant do it, can you!

***You'll lay money? How will I ever collect it. Want to see a really funny thread go look at Howard Roarks responses to my bump thread in the newsmax archives. It's got over 2000 post on it. I never laughed so hard in my life. He must be a professional comedian in real life.


Shh... Noise Abatement

I DONT THINK ITS FUNNY TO LAUGH ABOUT GOD. WHY IS EVERYONE SO RUDE TO OLD CROSS BOUND? ITS NOT RITE.

***They laughed and mocked the Lord Jesus Christ also then they killed him. If he were here today, they would do the same thing over but it's alright. In the end we will have our reward and they will have their separation from God eternally never knowing what this life was all about.


Flintstone

Why?
Why is it not funny to laugh at God?

I laugh at just about everything else and anyway, he doesn't exist.

***CAN YOU PROVE THAT?

Velvet

Ssshhh my little pigeon, Is that Religious Rites. I agree they are not right. Flinty is quite right since God invented humour - it would be a sin not to use it.
Ocb is absolute proof that God has a sense of humour. A pity that the irony of this will totally escape ocb.

***And the irony of you starting a thread about me. I'd eat your heart out if you had one! LOL!


Nil nos tremefacit

I'm sure that God invented humour, he certainly had a laugh at our expense - duck billed platypus, giraffe, dung beetle, the French etc. What I can't understand is why fundamental Christians seem so humourless.
Taking the pi** out of OCB is not being unfair. I remember the massive 'Flying sinners confess' thread. OCB was game to be quite rude to people all over the world who deigned to disagree with his view of life. Having a little gibe at OCB is completely harmless compared to the invective that many of us were subject to.

***You poor pagan victim. I don't think you are capable of recognizing good humor. Wet humor is really boring for most.

In all of his posts OCB failed to fully explain the plot of Dallas as any true Texan would, but indulged in recondite sophistry to asseverate his position. His Latin was borrowed as well!!!!

Sunt lacrimae rerum.


***I never watched the show. A bunch of gossip about nonsense and very boring.

coco-nuts

ocb keep cool matey hell come one day .
then u can cum strong fella .....lol....
i must remember to apostrophe my words.!

***Nil, coco has some humor here for you, enjoy!

ocb :)

old_cross_bound
27th Jun 2001, 21:31
Aerosmith

OCB, Vir prudens non contraventum vingit, A wise man doesn't pi$$ against the wind, or something like that. Make a 180 before you harm yourself any more.

***You must be new!

JudyTTexas

I'd like to make a judgmental statement about everyone being judgemental of OCB because he is judgemental of everyone else being judgemental about everyone who is judgemental...
...oh forget it...

***I'd like to agree to disagree while agreeing here!


Brat

S...NA SEEMS TO BE A WITLESS T...T, and Crusty Old Bore just that.
It seemed a good start Velvet before the oafs moved in

***Do you have permission to speak?


Send Clowns A_Random

JudyT, I would like to disagree most respectfully that we are judgemental of Old CoBblers. He has given very good reason for people to take offense. My own vow never again to reply to him, for example, was brought about by his clear, libelous accusation of another member of the forum, Velvet, of serious offenses. Had he apologised, at the time or since, I would again be willing to answer his posts, as I often see gaping holes in his logic.

***He's only broken that vow about ten times now so he's still in good shape according to him, Judy.

***Hey Random, has anyone on this board ever apologised to me? Yea I know, you never thought about that. LOL!

ocb

old_cross_bound
27th Jun 2001, 22:09
Velvet,

Poor thing! I thought you enjoyed the give and take and that's why you started the ironic thread?
Don't worry, your pride will heal soon and you'll be back to your ole self again insulting others while claiming victimization for yourself.
Sorry your fragile sensitivity was so brutally attacked by the likes of me.
You might want to give a little less in the future to avoid the wrath of ocb. :)

BTW, I'm not a theologian just a straight shooter. Try being nice and you'll see what I mean.

ocb

JudyTTexas
29th Jun 2001, 23:48
Send Clowns, we pick our own Battles. :)

Nil nos tremefacit
30th Jun 2001, 00:32
Talking of picking...

'You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't eat your friends.'

Send Clowns
30th Jun 2001, 03:32
Judy T

Nothing to do with battles. I was just saying that OCB deserves every judgement that is made of him here.

He even emphasises it above with lies about me replying to him (I have addressed him only once since my vow and he very well knows why) and with his bizarre insistence on using my old user name that I have not used in about 6 months. The latter he tries to take as evidence of my dishonesty, even though my change of name was well-publicised, and everyone knew that I was a_random - I had a signature "The pilot formerly known as a_random" for a month! (note he has been caught supporting his own arguments under different names in another forum, by me and others).

JudyTTexas
30th Jun 2001, 17:40
SC, your're right...if OCB deserves judgement, then we all deserve judgment. ;)

Nil nos tremefacit
30th Jun 2001, 18:00
'Judge not, lest ye be judged...'

Sod it! People judge me all of the time, so I'll judge them.

OCB is the most judgemental person I have ever experienced either in the real or ethereal world. Why can he not take a joke? Why can he not understand irony? Why won't he explain the plot of Dallas??????

old_cross_bound
30th Jun 2001, 19:06
First, I'm a sinner! That makes me a thief, a liar, a murderer, a homosexual child molesting pervert, a concieted bigoted hate filled fanatic, a graven image worshiper, a lover of self, a gossip and a all the rest.

Condemnation, the death of my body soul and spirit is what I deserve. I'm a sinner, period. I know this because I believe the bible and I know it is for real by my very life and what I've done with it.

I'm presupposed in knowing this is true about myself. I also believe it is true about everyone else and no one to date has been able to prove or even convince me otherwise.

When I address this truth in pointing out the same in others it cuts to the heart of their pride as it did and still does my own pride. The truth is a sword, a sharp sword that cuts through our pride and nails us to a cross we deserve.

This does not mean that I don't love people. If I didn't I wouldn't bother addressing their pride all the time as it takes effort and endurance to put up with the continuous hammering of insults etc... .

Judge me if you like, I've already been judged, but your judgment won't stick. Nor will my judgments stick to you but Gods judgment will stick and has with me. He has shown me without mistake that he is right and I am wrong. He has also shown me that he has a plan, one plan, to resolve the dilemma I'm in. The plan he offers me, he offers to everyone, in love and grace (abundant blessing) for the time being.

This is what I've been communicating to everyone here; that sin is real as we can tell and we confess everytime someone sins against us and, that God is real as well.
His answer is our savior who is our one and only way out to salvation. There is no other way out of the condemned state we are in presently.

God the Holy Spirit is here now and by asking him, you can know him for sure should you decide to face the truth and not avoid it for something less, something temporary which looks like more fun right now but in the end is the most disheartening, hopeless type of existence imaginable.

I'll continue to address your pride with the truth but in love as long as your prideful rebellion against "YOUR" God continues. I want you in the eternal kingdom free from the satanic deception we all have had to face.

God Bless, ocb

HugMonster
30th Jun 2001, 19:57
Hooray for you, OCB.

Nobody denies you the right to believe what you believe. For what it's worth, your beliefs and mine are not a million miles from each other. Nobody here has denied me the right to my beliefs, either.

However, you will probably note that not many people here go around gratuitously pointing out the faults of others. It happens on occasions when discussions get a tad heated, sure, but one of the things that makes society's wheels rotate without too much squeaking and grinding is allowing other people to be who and what they are, without judging them.

This is not a forum where people come to be saved. What they do to ensure their own salvation is up to them, and is a private matter between them and God. It is none of your business, and none of mine.

However, your attempts to point out people's failings (as you see them) merely antagonises them, and does not endear you to them. You put their backs up, they hit back. I would have thought you would have understood by now that those here who are Christians would be happy enough not to need your evangelising. Those who are happy without having a personal relationship with God will not be "saved" by your tactics here. And, because of the nature of this Forum and the vast majority of its subscribers, those in the middle of the road are largely put off by your hectoring, taunting, bullying manner. Thus you alienate everyone you seek to convert to your point of view.

Furthermore, you present a vision of Christianity that may work for people in your little part of the world, but is totally alien to most others. They see what you present for them, and are repelled, not by God, or by Christianity, but by what you suggest is your view of Christianity. You then present this as the only way to God, and people are either turned away from God, or perceive you as a braggart and a liar. Neither do you or your intentions much good.

When you keep away from the pseudo-scientific arguments, when you restrain yourself from quack theology, when you are not trying to put others down, and simply share what you see, what you are, how you came to where you are now, you can be a very persuasive person. One or two posts you have made in the past have shown, occasionally, that there is a real human being behind them. Unfortunately, too often you cannot resist the temptation to pretend to an intellect you don't have, to arguments you improperly understand, and to a style that tries to score cheap shots off others that merely show you up as cheap yourself. Too often you judge others, and they in return judge and condemn you. Leave judging others here (Slasher, Velvet, Send Clowns et al) to God - that's His prerogative, and his alone. Don't presume to know His mind.

So I implore you to stick to what works - just share yourself, and allow yourself to be human rather than trying to imitate an avenging angel or ancient prophet, neither of which work.

You splitter
30th Jun 2001, 20:07
OCB,

If you want to spread the word, then thats up to you. People will choose wether to listen or not. What I fail to understand is why the lack of humour?
Laughing opens up so many doors, and if thats what you want to do, then why not apply some.

God had a sense of humour. He must of. He led 'his people' around the desert for fourty years and then settled them in the only place in that area without oil!

Try using it.....

GeneralAviation
30th Jun 2001, 22:47
Very well put HugMonster. Ocb claims to believe everyone is a sinner - because he is.

He cannot know how much of his belief is accurate, because he doesn't know anything about any of the people he accuses of the most appalling catalogue of crime and sin (does it make it acceptable just because he claims to be all these things - they are still lies). So we have him breaking several commandments - not least of which 'Thou shalt not bear false witness'

He bases his belief on an ancient book - which many experts now agree is partly myth, partly very subjective accounts and partly inspired text, written by men.

That he thinks it not only part of his mission to be abusive, but also to sacrifice truth on the altar of his ego, is bad enough - justifying it on the grounds he is doing God's work really sucks.

Every so often he comes up with this long justification about why he is doing this - but he never really convinces anyone. I've met many religious fundamentalists who think it they're bounded duty to beat God's message into people - even up to killing them just to prove their point.

Why would God need a book, or a person like ocb (or anyone) to bring his message to the world. Isn't 'He' capable of delivering it himself.

No, ocb has a self-proclaimed desire to make us all in his image - anyone wanna bow down to him.

Diesel8
1st Jul 2001, 06:57
OCB is starting to be as annoying as JLM.

BTW, OCB, that is not a compliment.

old_cross_bound
3rd Jul 2001, 08:12
HugMonster

Hooray for you, OCB.
Nobody denies you the right to believe what you believe. For what it's worth, your beliefs and mine are not a million miles from each other. Nobody here has denied me the right to my beliefs, either.


***No, just ten thousand or so.

However, you will probably note that not many people here go around gratuitously pointing out the faults of others. It happens on occasions when discussions get a tad heated, sure, but one of the things that makes society's wheels rotate without too much squeaking and grinding is allowing other people to be who and what they are, without judging them.

***Jesus gave us a sword that cuts through our pride. It's the only way as I've agreed with the scriptures. I don't judge people as you try to say but rather peoples actions. We have courts that do the same. Should we eliminate the court system so we can all get along now?

This is not a forum where people come to be saved. What they do to ensure their own salvation is up to them, and is a private matter between them and God. It is none of your business, and none of mine.

***Why do you think that. I can't save anyone nor can you but only God can do that. If it's just a private matter than you are simply showing indifference toward everyone and that is the opposite of love. It's cold and uncaring don't you think?

However, your attempts to point out people's failings (as you see them) merely antagonises them, and does not endear you to them. You put their backs up, they hit back.

***I agree! They also think about it some.

I would have thought you would have understood by now that those here who are Christians would be happy enough not to need your evangelising.

***They didn't need Jesus either and crucified him. I suppose God shouldn't have sent him into this world based on that logic.

Those who are happy without having a personal relationship with God will not be "saved" by your tactics here.

***If they already lost as John 3:18 suggest than it won;t hurt either, will it?

And, because of the nature of this Forum and the vast majority of its subscribers, those in the middle of the road are largely put off by your hectoring, taunting, bullying manner. Thus you alienate everyone you seek to convert to your point of view.

***They were alinated before I ever came along, from Christ.

Furthermore, you present a vision of Christianity that may work for people in your little part of the world, but is totally alien to most others. They see what you present for them, and are repelled, not by God, or by Christianity, but by what you suggest is your view of Christianity.

***That's just your subjected point of view in which I disagree. Would you like to suggest a better way? I'm listening!

You then present this as the only way to God, and people are either turned away from God, or perceive you as a braggart and a liar. Neither do you or your intentions much good.

***It wasn't me who said I'm the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the father but by me. That was Jesus so you enmity is against him not just me.

When you keep away from the pseudo-scientific arguments, when you restrain yourself from quack theology, when you are not trying to put others down, and simply share what you see, what you are, how you came to where you are now, you can be a very persuasive person.

***Not really, I try but I fall way short. My best discussions have been with deep thinkers who oppose me quite vigorously but remain intellectually honest. PTT has proven to be this way for the most part.

One or two posts you have made in the past have shown, occasionally, that there is a real human being behind them. Unfortunately, too often you cannot resist the temptation to pretend to an intellect you don't have, to arguments you improperly understand, and to a style that tries to score cheap shots off others that merely show you up as cheap yourself.

***You talking about me or to yourself. Define intelligent for me and try to be a little less judgmental in the process.

Too often you judge others, and they in return judge and condemn you. Leave judging others here (Slasher, Velvet, Send Clowns et al) to God - that's His prerogative, and his alone. Don't presume to know His mind.

***I don't judge them. They have already been judged as part of the world by Jesus. It's getting past that judgment that interest me.

So I implore you to stick to what works - just share yourself, and allow yourself to be human rather than trying to imitate an avenging angel or ancient prophet, neither of which work.

***I'm being myself, silly, as real as I can be.

God Bless,

ocb

old_cross_bound
3rd Jul 2001, 08:18
You splitter


***I love humor, are you kidding! Go back and read some of my earlier threads.

It's just exactly that way, when you see a really good looking girl and you don't want them to notice you are staring at them and can't stop and you run into the side of a wall, only different!

ocb

old_cross_bound
3rd Jul 2001, 08:32
GeneralAche,

Very well put HugMonster. Ocb claims to believe everyone is a sinner - because he is.
He cannot know how much of his belief is accurate, because he doesn't know anything about any of the people he accuses of the most appalling catalogue of crime and sin (does it make it acceptable just because he claims to be all these things - they are still lies). So we have him breaking several commandments - not least of which 'Thou shalt not bear false witness'

***So, are you saying you are not a sinner?

He bases his belief on an ancient book - which many experts now agree is partly myth, partly very subjective accounts and partly inspired text, written by men.

***What experts? George from the last pub you came out of? Site something significant proud one.

That he thinks it not only part of his mission to be abusive, but also to sacrifice truth on the altar of his ego, is bad enough - justifying it on the grounds he is doing God's work really sucks.

***I'm not abusive at all according to the definition. I just address your pride and so you can see what a mess you are in. It's your pride running your life not you it looks like.

Every so often he comes up with this long justification about why he is doing this - but he never really convinces anyone. I've met many religious fundamentalists who think it they're bounded duty to beat God's message into people - even up to killing them just to prove their point.

***Hold still, this will only hurt a little and I promise I will not kill you on this internet forum.

Why would God need a book, or a person like ocb (or anyone) to bring his message to the world. Isn't 'He' capable of delivering it himself.

***Why not? He deliver it himself silly. You just narrow mindedly refuse to hear it, that's all.

No, ocb has a self-proclaimed desire to make us all in his image - anyone wanna bow down to him.

***It's not me you hate. It's the message. I could use a different name on Pprune and have you supporting me 100% in a couple of weeks if I wanted to. I use to be that way until I recognized and realized the truth and the vain ways I used to get people to like me. It was all a bunch of rubbish, the truth be known. None of my old thoght to be friends will be going to the grave yard with me when I die.

Good to see you back!

ocb

Tartan Gannet
3rd Jul 2001, 13:19
Velvet, you really should have known better! What started as a very funny thread with a lot of potential for amusement has degenerated into the usual bowel movements of OCB. Cut and Paste, "my God is the True God and my religion is the right one because my Holy Book tells me that it is so and the rest of the world who dont agree are sinners" etc, etc, etc, ad nauseum.

When I was a kid I foolishly poked a stick into a wasps nest in our garden, got badly stung, didnt like it. Now I leave wasps nests strictly alone, I dont bother them, they leave me in peace. Perhaps we should all apply this simply process to OCB.

(Now I know he will cut and paste this with some biblical wisecracks but really Im not interested any more).

To the rest of you, apart from sad Bible Thumping zealots, Go In Peace.

GeneralAviation
3rd Jul 2001, 14:41
Precisely ocb - so why not stop the personal abuse - it's just an ego trip anyway. I just can't be bothered to wade through duplicated paragraphs just to see if occasionally you post something that might just be worth reading. If there's anything I want to respond to I'll do it to the originator not the copyist.

I don't need your self-proclaimed 'I'm the only one who knows God's truth'. All you display is your pride and arrogance - so in the words of a young friend 'See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya'.

TG don't blame the originator for subsequent posts by ocb - you'd think for once he'd attempt, like slasher said, to join in the fun instead of acting like a spoilt child. And he wonders why no one invites him to their parties anymore.

old_cross_bound
3rd Jul 2001, 16:01
Tartan Gannet, General Ache,

I can see you have both once again fallen in the battle grounds of reason, truth and humor. Not unlike your ancestors who fell in the American revolution, you have once again succum to apathy.

The nice but rather sad part of it is the way you attempt to conduct yourself in a proper English tradition. Your hearts are darken by the prideful stand and the truth of that fact cannot be covered from one who discerns truth properly but, you gave it your best shot anyway. That I respect. I'll grant you your peace for now. As for me, like my ancestors, we are free!

ocb ;)

swashplate
3rd Jul 2001, 16:19
OCB:

Why don't you come along to a bash sometime???

After all, its easy to have a go at people whilst hiding behind a mask of internet anonimity.

Bit harder to do it to peoples faces........

------------------
Live long and Prosper.....

old_cross_bound
3rd Jul 2001, 23:50
swashplauge,

I have nothing to hide whatsoever. In person I would probably scare and intimidate you but here I get the real feelings and thoughts from you little people who are not afraid of the cyberspace between us. Thats what I like about it.
A 25 year old girl, 4'8" tall and weighting 85 lbs can knock heads with a 45 year old man weighting 390lb's and standing 6'5" tall.
Ain't it great!

ocb

Steepclimb
4th Jul 2001, 01:13
Without wishing to become embroiled in the argument here is my two pence worth, two cents to you OCB.

Recently I had a moment, a small dizzy turn during which I felt a frisson of fear and a sudden realisation that my world view meant that were I to die at that moment it would all end with a blink, no Hollywood ending, no moment of blackness, no realization, no light at end of the tunnel.
Everyone who has been under general anaesthic knows the feeling. One moment, relaxed and waiting for the procedure, the next you're awake in the recovery room. No in between just a seamless jump forward on time.

Suddenly I was aware of the attraction religion holds for people. When humans first became aware of their mortality, questions began to be asked. What is life all about etc. Naturally it cannot end just like that, we cannot simply cease to exist? There simply must be more to this sordid little life we lead? We must go on in some way after death?
This is the basis for all religion. It was easy at first, the sun the moon and the stars. There they were in the sky looking after us. We look at the Earth all around us, instinctively we love what we see, for we are of the Earth and the Earth gives us life. It's developed since then because as humans we are complex creatures and tend develop our reasoning as we live our lives.
Naturally we anthromorphise our God and then declare that he created us in his own image.
Of course our God, shares our viewpoint on many things and self appointed spokesmen channel his views to us. The accepted view now it that we are somehow immortal, but this immortality is conditional on our behaviour on this Earth. This seamlessly coincides with the need for order and civilisation in the world.

Instinctively we are right, we can be immortal. My brother is the absolute clone of my late Father. He will never be gone as long as his son exists. I too carry his genes as do my sisters and my nephews and nieces. Recent research has revealed that we are all descended from a number of pre historic women. These women, though long dead live on in all of us. They are to all practical purposes, immortal. Perhaps in some way a little of their consciousness exists within us. In religious terms their souls exist forever.

We all tend to accept that the lives of animals end at the moment of death apart from a bit of dissembling for the benefit of children and their pets. But we are no more than conscious animals. What makes us so special?
It's clear to me now why there is so much antipathy to the idea of evolution among the religious. If we are descended from apes, we are merely animals, animals have no afterlife, ipso facto we cease to exist when we die. Evolution therefore threatens everything a religious person believes in.

That was my revelation on the road to Damascus, perhaps on my deathbed I'll hedge my bets and to ease the burden on my family and 'see the light'.

But the result will be the same no matter what.

END



[This message has been edited by Steepclimb (edited 03 July 2001).]

old_cross_bound
4th Jul 2001, 07:51
Steepclimb,

Good post. You sound like me. At least the way I use to think about the subject. Evolution takes a greater degree of faith than CHRISTIANITY as I see it though. Too many lose ends.
I would have never believed in Christianity had God not revealed himself to my inner being, personally, my spirit. This is important, it's a one on one encounter and very personal.
I seriously wanted to know and the sin thing, I really couldn't honestly deny so in a determined state of mind, I was willing to confront God directly and God the Holy Spirit responded.
Thats my story, believe it or not and it's that kind of real story that has preserved the belief throughout history. Cults obviously come and go for lack of substance but Jesus Christ really does live and his Spirit is here now.
Have you inquired directly on your own? Do you know Jesus?

ocb