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DishMan
6th Feb 2004, 17:30
As people get busy with cards/flowers etc for Valentines day next week, I thought I would share some little two liners that might come in useful:


These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme
with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

:D


Do you have any special endearments to share??

under_exposed
6th Feb 2004, 17:41
Top Ten Rejected Valentines Day Cards

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Jerricho
6th Feb 2004, 17:52
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your mother is a bitch, I pray it doesn't happen to you!

flapsforty
6th Feb 2004, 19:02
Jerricho, something is giving me the impression you have an "issue" with your MIL. ;)

Buster Hyman
6th Feb 2004, 19:39
For Hippie lovers...

If the ocean was weed & I was a duck
I'd swim to the bottom & paddle like a pup
But the oceans not weed & I'm not a duck
So pass me the bong & shut the #@*$! up!:ouch:

Jerricho
6th Feb 2004, 19:51
(Slight drift)

Flaps, you are SO right!

I could spend the next 24 hours explaining why................and only have scratched the surface. I used to laugh when I heard the good old M-I-L jokes............till I got this one.


Anyway, we were talking poetry weren't we? :)

I wish you my lady, were like waves on the ocean;
And I were a surfer, I would ride you with my motion.

I wish you my lady, were like buns in the oven;
And I were a baker, I would fill you by the dozen.

I wish you my lady, were a hole in the road;
And I were a dump-truck, I would fill you with my load. (Sorry!)

Kaptin M
6th Feb 2004, 20:25
Being male, half p!ssed, late at night, needing hunt,
I was looking for a feed, a fight, and some c*nt.

You wanted true love, a home..."use a condom!"
I wanted a f*ck, a sleep, then my freedom.

Ever so quietly you whispered, "Please don't - let it be.",
And I thought to myself, "Just one shot - for you, not for me,"

And thus every February, on date Valentine,
I think of the years that you've spent being mine.
And I wonder -
Had I not been so p!ssed, young and horny,
Would you still be as ugly and wrinkled and boring!!

aidanf
6th Feb 2004, 21:07
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ou est le Centre
de George Pompidou?

..with sincerest apologies to Zig & Zag from many moons ago

Ozzy
6th Feb 2004, 21:31
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
That's what the tell me,
'cause I'm blind.:uhoh:

Ozzy

fernytickles
6th Feb 2004, 21:42
These are great - a nice contrast to all the hallmark crap sold here :)

Jerricho - a woman doesn't become an m-i-l until someone comes along and marries their little darling, so I guess you could argue that the bride/bridegroom creates the m-i-l ..... ;)

Of course, having said that, how the m-i-l handles the situation thereafter is their choice...

Capt.KAOS
6th Feb 2004, 22:19
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Your dog is pretty,
What happened to you?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Smelly socks,
Reminds me of you.

don't give me no beans
don't give me no rice
just give me a gal
who likes it on ice

Techchick
7th Feb 2004, 00:13
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Chocolates are dear,
Will monkey nuts do?

spork
7th Feb 2004, 06:04
Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue.
What colour are yours then?

G-SCUD
7th Feb 2004, 07:00
For the Astronomers out there:

Fast stars shift red
Hot stars are blue
Space is warped
And so are you…

Jerricho
7th Feb 2004, 07:13
FT.............my therapist tells me it's my fault as well. I think he's ripping me off (but I'm too f***ed up to realise ;) )

Ascend Charlie
7th Feb 2004, 07:44
These rhymes are really frustrating,
And I'm getting three parts shot,
Nothing rhymes with "Pussy"
And i'm not keen on using tw*t.

Techchick
7th Feb 2004, 22:43
Nothing rhymes with pussy

How about hussy?

fussy?

"Sometime when your're feeling important
Sometime when you're ego's in bloom,
Sometime when you get the impression
You're the best qualified in the room,
Sometime when you think that your going
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow this simple instruction
And see how it humbles your soul!

Take a bucket and fill it with water
Then plunge in your hand to the wrist
Take it out and the hole that you find there
Is the measure by which you'll be missed.
You can stir it around as you enter,
You can froth up the water galore,
But take it out and you'll find in a minute
That it looks just the same as before!"

ShyTorque
8th Feb 2004, 00:54
Roses are red, Violets are blue,
Yours are orange
And nothing rhymes with that but I think it's those vitamin C tablets you're taking.

;)

G-ALAN
8th Feb 2004, 04:52
Hehe about this time lastyear my mate discovered his girlfriend was sleeping around with some guy she works with so he dumped her with class on Valentines day by sending her a card in which he wrote, 'Roses are red violets are blue, you are a slut so to f*ck with you!' Twas absolutley brilliant :D

Capt Wannabe
8th Feb 2004, 07:23
Roses are red,
Violets are green,
Open your legs,
And I'll fill you with cream.


Roses are straight,
Violets are twisted,
Bend over luv,
You're about to get fisted.

:hmm:

Thirty06
8th Feb 2004, 08:21
Roses are red.
Violets are blue,
I wouldn't climb over your sister
To get to you

spork
8th Feb 2004, 08:22
I just had to ask why - she neglected to tell me,
that she had stored the rotting body-parts
of some ex-boyfriends in her cellar.
She said with a frown: “cos you never asked me.”
:ooh: :ooh: :ooh:

Jerricho
8th Feb 2004, 14:39
'Tis Valentines again,
How the time does fly,
But if your mother comes to visit again,
I think I'm gonna cry.

curmudgeon
9th Feb 2004, 04:41
Or to revert to an aviation theme:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You've got a nose
Like a B-52


cur

Jerricho
9th Feb 2004, 14:33
Roses are red,
Viloets are blue,
I wish a B-52
would land on top of you.

Lon More
10th Feb 2004, 00:26
Here's to the wound that never heals,
The longer you rub it the softer it feels.
You may wash it with soap,
You may wash it with soda,
But nothing removes the Billingsgate odour.

Ascend Charlie
10th Feb 2004, 08:18
From the SMH yesterday:

"Oh, Valentine, since you came to me
You're always in my thoughts,
I'll never forget
The night we met
And you gave me genital warts."
:{

Jerricho
10th Feb 2004, 17:41
That's from a Monty Python song isn't it (just curious)?

fishtits
12th Feb 2004, 23:32
My apologies in advance....

:E


Roses are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cos here comes my willy

Roses are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
and wiggle a bit

Roses are red
Violets are finer
Chickens are fowl
just like your vagina

Roses are red
it's just elementary
Let's call up my mate
and try double-entry

Roses are empty
Violets are hollow
Get that in your mouth
And make sure you swallow

Roses make me laugh
Violets make me titter
being a rough dirty bitch
You love it up the shitter

Please feel free to use in cards to your beloved...:ouch:

Jerricho
12th Feb 2004, 23:36
Ahhhhh Fishtits, once again you come up with the goods!

(I think that if and when I buy a boat, I'm gonna name it "Fishtits")

fishtits
13th Feb 2004, 00:13
Nice one Jerricho....

But it might not be very good.....

ie. "about as much use as tits on a fish" :E


Flipside

FT

Jerricho
13th Feb 2004, 00:39
You ain't ever seen me drive a boat! ;)

fishtits
13th Feb 2004, 03:21
Just done my girlfriend.......('s valentines card)

Thought the rhyme kind of creative...


Roses are red
Violets are Blue
Sugar is sweet
and by the way, I'm buying a 3.8 litre 1968 Mk II Jaguar



Romantic or what?

:E