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Send Clowns
8th Jun 2001, 21:39
Bad day for me today. Not only the miserable election result, but my car failed it's MOT even more spectacularily than expected. It is no more. It is a dead Rover. I will be arriving at the GatBash by public transport tomorrow.

Can any of you wise and witty correspondants think of uses for a dead Rover turbo-diesel? http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/confused.gif If not, it will stay at the MOT centre to supply spares. At least I am saved the ultimate ignomy of paying to have my transport destroyed.

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'Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air'

Unwell_Raptor
8th Jun 2001, 22:52
Send Clowns:

Send for Taxi

Hersham Boy
8th Jun 2001, 23:30
Use some mastic to seal up the windows and make it a farkin' huge fishtank in your driveway.

Tool-time Hersh



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I'm in the hi-fidelity first class traveling set and I think I need a Lear jet

trolleydollylover
9th Jun 2001, 00:11
Fill it full of LEFTIES and take it down to the scrap yard to be crushed.

Or take it to London and sell it to some asylem seekers and watch it drive around with false tax and no insurance.

What_does_this_button_do?
9th Jun 2001, 00:13
Tow it to the end of a runway and sell seats to the spotters as "1 per hour - spot planes from a pilots car!"

Flap Sup
9th Jun 2001, 00:29
When I was in the amrmy, I had my dead SAAB blown up - what a sight.

rgds FS

tony draper
9th Jun 2001, 01:24
You could try the old "it once belonged to Sir Elton" ploy
Some plonker will give you fifty grand for it.
His fatness has had so many, (cars that is,) he won't remember. :)

Send Clowns
9th Jun 2001, 03:45
Flap Sup - that's great. while my brother is still in command of an anti-tank platoon maybe I could offer it as a Milan target? :)

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'Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air'

Mert
9th Jun 2001, 08:41
You could send it to me! I've always wanted a right side drive car, and I'm sure I could round up some new running gear for it.

;)

ExSimGuy
10th Jun 2001, 14:47
From the report on BBC-World this morning, I could suggest advertising it in Cuba. Even the newly-introduced "MOT" there does not seem to be nearly as strict as the UK one :)

Blacksheep
11th Jun 2001, 09:59
There ARE no uses for a Rover 418. Dead or alive. :rolleyes:

**********************************
Through difficulties to the cinema

Cardinal Puff
11th Jun 2001, 18:07
...Like the fish tank idea Hersham kid.

Out here in deepest darkest Africa we'd just turn it into a chicken coop or a bar....

AerBabe
11th Jun 2001, 19:08
You could race it against my dead Fiesta....

VFE
11th Jun 2001, 22:15
We could have a three car burn-up.

Mine is sure to fail it's MOT this week too, after Saturdays debacle!

VFE.

Incipient Sinner
11th Jun 2001, 23:09
You know it's a burner. Get pissed, fill it with parafin and.... you know the way it ends

http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

Blackshirt
11th Jun 2001, 23:53
Take out all the glass, put in a diddy fuel tank and take it banger racing.

I'm not sure a Rover 418 would be much of a match for a Sweeny-style Ford Granada, but it would be interesting to watch.

Rollingthunder
12th Jun 2001, 04:21
Boat anchor, artificial reef.

No, I've got it...
Remove muffler,
Park in front of Shh...Noise Abatement's house,
Rig a timer to start the engine at 06:30 and run for half an hour, every morning.
That should take his mind off the aircraft.

Blackshirt
13th Jun 2001, 22:14
Send in the Clowns. Just in case you actually get the urge to fix your car yourself, here's some points to think about first…

[by way of explanation for those of you not familiar with Haynes Manuals, i.e. females, they're something your boyfriend reads on the can prior to really buggering - ahem, fixing - up your car….]

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer
anticlockwise.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey!

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now
you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).

Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - thats the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to
dig out the bayonet part.

Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your
forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are
doing now cannot be considered "lightly".

Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!

Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!

Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it
up?

Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a
low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram
was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more
use to you).

Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!

Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride it afterwards!!!

Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at,
throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the
garage whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.

Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I
thought, it's going to need a new one"!

Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!

Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much
harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has
subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the
spark plugs.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.

Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...

Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!

Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone

Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.

Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want
to do!

Gerund
13th Jun 2001, 22:33
Blackshirt -

I can honestly say I have not laughed so much in years! Absolutely, completely f**cking brilliant! Absolutely on the nose!