View Full Version : It's all a question of balance

7th Jun 2001, 18:04
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Gabriel the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of
satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look
look what I've made."

Archangel Gabriel looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet", replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call
Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance".

"Balance?" inquired Gabriel, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example,
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern
Europe is
going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot."

"Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a
continent of black people" God continued, pointing to different countries.

And over there, I call this place America. North America will be rich and
powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly.

And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a hot spot.

Can you see the balance?"

"Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a
country in Northern Europe, "What's that one?"

"Ah" said God. "That's Scotland, the most glorious place on Earth".

"There are beautiful snow capped mountains, untouched rivers, streams and
of exquisite, timeless beauty. The people make a drink called Uisge Beatha
Whiskey which means "The Water of Life". The people are good looking,
intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the

"They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they
be known throughout the world as warriors, engineers, inventors and

Gabriel gasped in wonder and admiration but then replied "You said there
will be

God replied wisely...

"Wait until you see the bastards I'm putting next to them"!

7th Jun 2001, 18:45
(I wonder where you hale from MJ?)

I take it your reference to the adjacent race of people was to the Welsh to the South-West and the Irish just across the giant's causeway?

Biggest mistake the Jocks ever made was Hadrian's wall - they sub-contracted it to the bloody Romans and so the English managed get over it http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif . :P . P

ickle black box
7th Jun 2001, 18:57
And God was most proud of what he had done. But is wasn't long before his new planet started to destroy itself. God was most displeased, so he called over Gabriel, to moan about what his new creation was doing to itself.

Northern Europe decided to have two big wars, and kill each other. Southern Europe got all the good weather and became a prosperous holiday resort.

True to his word, the middle east was a hotspot, and soon became wealthy too, mainly by selling all the heating oil God had left underground for them.

The black people decided it was too hot for them, they didn't like the deserts, the lack of water, and decided to join the white people.

North America became rich, powerful and cold, before being declared bankrupt, while the south chopped down all their trees, as it was so hot, they didn't need a firewood reserve. Central America is soo hot, they decided to sell their heating oil too.

God was especially displeased with the state of Scotland though. Firstly the bastards conquered them, and the Scots were never to have true independence again. Then there was never enough snow on the mountains to go skiing, the rivers soon became full of chemicals, and a monster occupied one of the lochs. The people soon became fat and lazy, forever saying och aye, and only travel as far as an away match. The engineers only ever managed to build one bridge, before they became bogged down with no employment, widespread drug abuse, and more crime than in his previous hot spot, LA. Soon they became a disliked group, the butt of half the bastards jokes.

But what happened to the original bastards then? Well they won two wars against the rest of Europe, rose up to become world power, a people of engineers, designers, pioneers and men who are first to complete every task. They led the way to the top of Everest, discovered America and ruled an empire. God had started to become quite proud of his bastards, for they had really become what he had wanted of Scotland.

But soon disapointment set in there too. As the people form the other parts of his world moved to his new prefered place, all they could do was fight amongst themselves. The threw away their empire, handed over their power to the people they had previously defeated in battle, even Scotland got a bit of independance back again.

Gabriel questioned God about the cause of such a prosperous country failing like that. God explained that as part of his balance, he'd put right wing warrior leaders on the planet, who had created success, achievement and honour. But to keep the balance, he also had created scheming, lying, manipulative and corrupt lefties also, and they had lied, and schemed, manipulated and backstabbed the corrageous warriors, to gain power over the natural leaders.

God and Garbiel were both very disapointed by all this, but they knew that one day the lefties would be destroyed. Everything had been reversed since God had said 'The meek will inherit the Earth', and God was glad that his statement was now to be reversed too.

7th Jun 2001, 19:17
Quite a witty responce.

Don't worry we are attacking the bastards from within by getting educated then stealing there jobs.

Then to cap it all wearing our national dress whenever we get shafted at rugby, and while the bastards are celabrating we shag there women. Although there are some we don't go near.


7th Jun 2001, 19:31
. . . . and the "Busterds to the South" sub-contracted all of their amazing creations to the Septics, who were the ones to make the real Bucks out of them.

Aaaahh, The Empire . . .

7th Jun 2001, 19:32
Shouldn`t that read "taking their jobs"?
Educated my arse.

[This message has been edited by OLD_EGG_BOUND (edited 07 June 2001).]

7th Jun 2001, 19:46

see dyslexia under medical board and it will explain all.