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con-pilot
27th Oct 2001, 00:05
RING RING-RING RING

“Hallo, Tal E Ban. Talk quick, we ver ver busy.”

“HelloTaliban, this is George W”.

“George who?”

“GEORGE W. ‘BY GOD’ BUSH, damnit, pay attention. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!” You IDIOT!

“OH, not the daddy?”

“NO GODAMNIT, WWWWWWW, the one with the finger on the trigger, so to speak.”

“Oh yes, what you wanting please. We ver ver busy here collecting yellow food packets that Allah, praise be his name, drop from sky.” We sell them to de peepills, much good money. We need more Stinger rockets. You sell us more, yes?”

“What WHAT!!!!, NO GODAMNIT WE ARE NOT GOING TO SELL YOU ANY MORE $%@@$#%^&*(*()ING ROCKETS. Now I have something to tell you. So pay real close attention.

“No more rockets? Ok, what you wanting to tell us?”

“That’s better. Ok Taliban you have 48 hours to hand over Osama bin Laden or we will release the most powerful, god-awful, terrifying, paralyzing , most feared, nightmarish, destructive weapon know to mankind.”

“Na na nana you can’t scare us, ha, ha, ha! World not let you drop big bomb, ver bad PR you know.”

“Bomb? Who said anything about a bomb. Hell no, I’m not going to drop the BIG ONE. This weapon is much worse than that.”

“HA, noting worse then the beeeeg ones. You try to trick us, you god-less infidel. We speet on your tricks, pue, pue. OBL good friend, party animal. Go with Allah, praise be his name.” Click.

Two days pass.

RING RING-RING RING

“Hallo Tal E ban, who dis plaessse?”

“Hello Taliban, George W., uh President George W. Bush here.”

“Oh yes I talk you two days ago, you funny man. Going to use BEEG BAD THINGY, ooh we lots scary now you betucm. HA, HA we shake much. What stupoid lies you be tellings now?”

“Will you hand over Osama bin Laden?”

“HA HA, you still ver silly man. We don give you speet. You sell us Stingers now? We many, many yellow food packets to sell now.”


“NO GODAMNIT WE ARE. Look, forget about the rockets err stingers. This is your last warning. Hand over bin Laden now or else!”

“HA HA, we take else. We funny now like you. We hang up on you Godless infidel peeg! Go with Allah, praise be his name.” Click

Moments later.

RING RING-RING RING

“Hallo Tal E ban, whos speeking please?”

“Hello Mr. Tal Ban, I’m representing ABC rug and carpet cleaning service and we will be in your neighborhood next week and I would like to acquaint you our specials.”

“Wot you say, wife clean rug. Go away stuoipd man. Go with Allah, praise be his name.” Click.

RING RING-RING RING

“Hallo Tal E ban, who dis?”

“YES SIR! TODAY AND TODAY ONLY YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO WIN!”

“Wot, wot you say, win wot?”

“YES SIR A TRIP. An all (well mostly) expense paid trip to, are you ready for this? LAS VEGAS. What do you think about that?”

“TREEP, TREEP we can no take no stinkin treep. We in war with Great Satan. We hang up stuoipd infidel. Go with Allah, praise be his name.” Click

RING RING-RING RING

“Hallo Tal E ban, wot!”

“Mr. Ban I am more than please to inform you that as a home owner you now qualify for second mortgage up $25,000.00.”

“Me no own home, live in tent. Go away. Go with Allah, praise be, oh whatever.” Click

RING RING-RING RING

“Hallo, Tal E ban!”

“Mr. Tali I would like to talk to you about your long distance service.”

“HUH, uh you got wrong number. Go with, ahh.” Click

RING RING-RING RING

“Hallo, wot you want?”

“Mr. Eban please stand by for an important message about your life insurance. An agent will be with shortly.”

“ARRRRG go away!” Click

RING RING-RING RING

“Hello, White House.”

“Err. George W. there? Tal E ban here.”


:D :D :D

TowerDog
27th Oct 2001, 04:37
Good one.... :D

widgeon
27th Oct 2001, 05:16
I've heard they are parachuting in Amway associates even as we speak. They will have em on their knees is a matter of days.

BlueDiamond
27th Oct 2001, 07:00
With subversive strikes on the side courtesy of Tupperware (to keep those food parcels fresh) and Kirby (best vacuum cleaner for getting rid of the dust caused by continuous bombing).

Ground troops of Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons are massing even as we speak, bibles and Watchtowers at the ready.

Then, the coup de grace. The biggest ever Readers Digest promotion ... three Antonovs full of envelopes advising everyone they have reached the final phase of the latest competition.

It could work!!!
:eek:

Trinflight
27th Oct 2001, 10:05
That is really hitting below the belt Con Pilot. Perhaps we should be a little more merciful and send in the nukes.


Trinflight

Mert
27th Oct 2001, 11:31
"Ground troops of Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons are massing even as we speak, bibles and Watchtowers at the ready."

I got a cold shiver up my spine just thinking of how many sets of short sleeve shirts with dress ties that would be! :eek:

Velvet
27th Oct 2001, 22:31
ConP - that was great - oh please could we, pretty please.

Perhaps we could bombard them with AOL disks, then they could log on for free and we could arrange for endless emails about porn sites.

Loki
28th Oct 2001, 00:36
I heard Billy Connolly the other evening saying that since Afghans are having bombs and food dropped on them, the next logical step would be edible bombs.

Tom the Tenor
28th Oct 2001, 01:07
...or as I was suggesting last week bomb them with tons of crates of Penthouse magazine - that would get some of the boys thinking about how good things can be in the infidel west! :eek:

tony draper
28th Oct 2001, 02:08
Got a good idea for OBL if we catch the ****** alive.
Shave him,give him a foreskin transplant, stick a copy of The Satanic Verses in one pocket a bag of pork scratching in the other, give him a sleeping tablet and dump him along side that Kaba stone at the height of the Hadj.
Lets see the bugg*r talk his way out of that.

[ 27 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]