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RockinBob
2nd Jun 2001, 00:19
My personal favourite:

Burpin Kojak!
Rubbin' the Genie!

Any others?

Ed Winchester
2nd Jun 2001, 03:54
I believe there are one or two other ways of expressing the act........

Strobing purple
Bashing the bishop
Spanking the monkey
Beating the meat
Choking the chicken
Fighting the last turkey in the shop
Chucking your muck
Clearing the custard
Five knuckle shuffle
Strangling Kojak
Peeling the carrot
Stroking the Wookie
Freeing the tadpoles
A ham shank
A hand shandy
Jerking the gherkin
Firing the porridge gun
Flogging the log
Oiling the truncheon
Milking the cow with one udder
Tossing the caber
Playing the bone-a-phone
Yanking the plank
Roping the pony
Scrubbing the cook
Riding the great white knuckler
Pulling the Pope's cap off
Having tea with Madam Palm and her five sisters
Polishing the bobbie's helmet
Taking Captain Pickard to warp speed
One handed snake charming of the pant python
One off the wrist
Whitewater wristing
Spurting your curd

And finally....

Menage a un!!!!

OLD_EGG_BOUND
2nd Jun 2001, 04:03
Wanking
Self abuse

drunkflyer
2nd Jun 2001, 05:01
Ed,

You need to get out more!!!!

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Zero G makes 'em swallow!

Airborne Hamster
2nd Jun 2001, 05:21
Doing the Chicken on a motorbike.

JBook
2nd Jun 2001, 05:36
Shaking hands with the sheriff.

Dave Incognito
2nd Jun 2001, 07:06
Release a batch of orphans

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Flying is easy - just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Big Red ' L '
2nd Jun 2001, 07:47
Turning Japanese.............

(As sung by The Vapours......)

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Its not the fall that kills you...Its the sudden stop.....

Co ordination unaffected
2nd Jun 2001, 14:11
Shaking hands with the Governor of Love

(Or so I'm told)

Those of you keen on this kind of silliness, and who don't have it already, the Profanisaurus (I think) by the good people at Viz is a safe bet. There's one at work and it's very good indeed.

Hint those of you with teenage sons, they've probably already got it.

[This message has been edited by Co ordination unaffected (edited 02 June 2001).]

Mad Pax
2nd Jun 2001, 18:30
Employing PALMela and her five sisters.

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Oi got a bran' new comboine 'aarverster...

CaptSensible
2nd Jun 2001, 19:32
Shaking hands with the unemployed? :)

Stiff Lil' Fingers
2nd Jun 2001, 22:24
Both from the profanisaurus I believe:

Feeding the ducks (for guys tout seule)
Feeding the pony (guys on gals)

..just do the hand actions!

Big hand (ahem!) to Ed W. Whitewater wristing - thats a classic!

sickBocks
2nd Jun 2001, 22:54
Dropping One in the Sink

OLD_EGG_BOUND
2nd Jun 2001, 23:10
CRACK ONE OFF
SHAKE HANDS WITH THE WIFES BEST FRIEND

Agaricus bisporus
2nd Jun 2001, 23:28
Worshiping at the shrine of Onan.

(look it up in the Bible!)

weasil
3rd Jun 2001, 23:24
picking up a pound of beef

Loki
4th Jun 2001, 02:54
being a NATS manager

Vapour Trail
4th Jun 2001, 13:03
Shakin' hands with da man!

Vulcanologist's expedition.

Polishing the banister.

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Eat My Vapour Trail

Groove-ryder
4th Jun 2001, 13:47
Using the single barrelled, pump-action yogurt gun.

dingducky
4th Jun 2001, 15:31
tiptoeing through the two lips

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Capt Byrd de Styrke
4th Jun 2001, 16:00
'Hand to gland' combat

Ed Winchester
4th Jun 2001, 20:34
Fiddling wi't little man in't boat.

elandel
5th Jun 2001, 01:47
A sherman
A Barclays

wheelchock
5th Jun 2001, 03:50
foreskin jogging

Fitztightly
5th Jun 2001, 04:31
Twanging the wire....

Galloping the maggot!

ops
5th Jun 2001, 08:38
Knocking one out

Hot End
5th Jun 2001, 09:55
flicking ya bean (for the fillies)

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Goddamit! Burnt another one

and the chap said
5th Jun 2001, 16:33
Spank the Plank

Reprimand the monkey

trolleydollylover
6th Jun 2001, 23:24
For the Magicians amongst you,
Making things appear with,

THE PURPLE WAND AND HAIRY BAGS OF MAGIC.

For the Ladies,

CLEANING THE SINGLE SLICED TOASTER

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Whoa there bigfella, whoa!

flaps
8th Jun 2001, 15:00
Wafty Crank (reverse of Crafty [email protected])

mad_jock
8th Jun 2001, 15:13
The ones that DIR divers use (American cave divers who get very up tight if you laugh at them)

Is stroke.

It also has the advantage that it gets through most email swear filters

MJ

tech...again
9th Jun 2001, 19:21
...tug of war with cyclopse (spelling?)

tech...again
9th Jun 2001, 19:34
...oh, and gusset typing...!

ShyTorque
10th Jun 2001, 04:59
Burpin' (or jerkin') the gherkin.

Or, in a Starwars theme: Hand Solo.

ShyT

airbourne
11th Jun 2001, 08:23
Dropping the shreadies and havin a twang on the one string bass!!!

pied piper
11th Jun 2001, 15:29
Waxing the Dolphin

gul dukat
14th Jun 2001, 05:47
making love with the one person you TRULY love !!!

Split Flap
14th Jun 2001, 05:59
Overfeeding the Chooks

Flying Voodoo
14th Jun 2001, 15:23
MALAKIA.....

iTS aLL gOOD.... :) :) :)

skua
14th Jun 2001, 17:41
Having a Jodrell

(Cockney rhyming slang for any Non-Brits)

Hangar_Pilot
15th Jun 2001, 00:18
makin' the bald man cry

Pummelling the purple headed warrior
:)

APR
15th Jun 2001, 12:22
I think this thread needs a dishonorable discharge!

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If you see the ground and you're not expecting it - GO AROUND!

APR
15th Jun 2001, 12:40
I think this thread needs a dishonorable discharge!

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If you see the ground and you're not expecting it - GO AROUND