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dingducky
16th Oct 2001, 16:53
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.

The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.

The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.

You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug.

The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.

There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.

You slice your tongue licking an envelope.

Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.

A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.

There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.

You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.

The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).

You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.

The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.

You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.

Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.

You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.

You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.

You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.

You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.

Grainger
16th Oct 2001, 18:21
Those frictionless paper bags where you can never get the top open

"Easy-to-program" video recorders that are much more difficult to figure out than the ordinary ones

Junk mail

Getting [email protected] service

... to name just a few more

Skycop
16th Oct 2001, 23:44
My wife telling me the same story she just told me ten minutes ago.

My wife telling me the same story she just told me ten minutes ago.

Aargh...it's infectious! :mad:

SC

RW-1
17th Oct 2001, 00:46
Idiots who email tech support:

To tell us they can't send mail ...

To say they can't receive mail ...
(Worse, as how do they expect to receive our answer eh?)

MORONS!

widgeon
17th Oct 2001, 01:20
people who say "stop me if you've heard this" but don't stop.

Loki
17th Oct 2001, 01:38
1 you can`t find your spectacles because you discover after 1/2 an hour that you are wearing them.

2 you can`t see clearly enough to find your spectacles because you are not wearing them

Axerock
17th Oct 2001, 01:44
Optician who gets you to try on 10,000 frames (no lenses in) and each time gets you to have a look in the mirror. If I could bludy see that far I wouldn't need the furkin glasses.

HugMonster
17th Oct 2001, 02:59
"We're sorry, but all our advisers are busy. We value your call, and an adviser will assist you as soon as one becomes free...

More bloody elevator music..."

Repeat ad nauseam whilst your phone bill mounts...

Grainger
17th Oct 2001, 20:40
British Telecom for cutting off all my land lines then telling me I can't ring 'em on a mobile to complain :mad: :mad:

Those waiters who always avoid your eye when you want to catch their attention

Overzealous waiters who keep topping up your wine glass

The way that toast always cools down at light speed the moment you take it out of the toaster

Inanimate objects of all kinds

"Press 1 to be put on hold, 2 to be cut off, 3 to be connected to the phone that's permanently engaged, 4 to be connected to the phone that rings forever and no-one answers because we took the bell out.... "

PPRuNe Dispatcher
17th Oct 2001, 20:53
People who can't be bothered to install or keep udated a virus checker on their PC. :rolleyes:

On a bad day PPRuNe will be sent >20 of the blasted things...

---Mik

tomthepilot
17th Oct 2001, 21:27
Irritations in life:

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the flipping hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. Too right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of courseit is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No fool,I paid 7 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

When something is "new and improved"! Which is it? If it's new,then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When people say "life is short." What?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here?

some people heh?

Joe Bolt
18th Oct 2001, 02:11
People who add the words.....'at all' to any question they ask you.

Do you need any help at all?
Do you have the time at all?
Did you find it at all?

Does this annoy anyone else at all?

Loki
18th Oct 2001, 02:40
People who say

1...."At the end of the day"

2...."The bottom line is"

3...." At this moment in time"

4...." You know"

5...." Know what I mean"

all the time

sprocket
18th Oct 2001, 03:22
:D

After just having breaky, a couple more occurred to me!

1. One cornflake. You know the one that hides in ambush behind two other cornflakes and waits for you to start pouring the milk in! That’s right, then it sticks itself up as the milk goes into the bowl and defiantly deflects at least half of the milk onto you or the tablecloth. Ya Mongrel Thing !

2. That toaster. Yeah, the one that thinks it is the launch pad for the space shuttle! You put the bread in for toasting and then dash off to answer the phone. When you get back there is no toast in the toaster … after a brief search (if the toast didn’t burn up totally on re-entry) it is usually found either on the floor, in the bin which had the lid open or in the kitchen sink which is half full of water.

HugMonster
18th Oct 2001, 04:46
Joe Bolt, that's a habit that the Irish are often guilty of. It doesn't particularly get to me, but one expression that got my wick every time, is the Belfasters' habit of putting "..so you do" on the end of every phrase.

Viz:-
"Can you tell me how I get to Donegall Place please?"
"Yes I can, so I can - you need to go down here, so you do, and when you get to the end you'll be needing to turn right so you will, and if you walk about a hundred yards down, you'll see it on yer right so you will"

The other one was adding "wee" as an adjective to everything. Not just "Will yer wait just a wee mo?" but also "Take a wee seat over there, and I'll see if he's in, so I will"...

paulc
18th Oct 2001, 15:32
When frantically looking for something the people who say "where did you last have it"

Well - if i knew that i would not need to be looking for it now :D

Gerundive
18th Oct 2001, 22:31
The slow murder of the English language in the UK and the way that new pronunciations seem designed to make everyone sound like a fey receptionist... e.g In MY day, "book" was a phonetic word. And a "berk" was an idiot. No longer. Similarly, if you "lurked" for someone, you would get arrested.
"You" was not the name of a favourite graveyard evergreen (actually, the pron. is more like "yee-eye-oo"..) and you went "home" after work, rather than to somewhere called High-em. "No" was a lovely word, eloquent in its simplicity. Which "nigh-oooh" is not.
A curse on the Aussie soaps and their influence!

Loki
18th Oct 2001, 23:29
And another thing!

Always being asked at the till in various high street shops if I`ve got one of those daft loyalty cards.

Stiff Lil' Fingers
19th Oct 2001, 01:57
Onions

....oh I thought the thread said "things that make you cry"

ok then, tequila......that definitely turns me into a crazed fool

[edited for blind stupidity]

[ 18 October 2001: Message edited by: Stiff Lil' Fingers ]

divingduck
19th Oct 2001, 09:25
ahem.....
pilots that won't listen out (ducks for cover) :rolleyes:

pilots that need to be told the same thing more than once :rolleyes:

pilots who argue the toss on frequency

ATC'swho feel the need to explain their actions on the air :rolleyes:

(stands by to receive incoming)

Grainger
19th Oct 2001, 14:06
BC: Do what we used to do in Denmark - drink all the bottles of beer from the minibars and then first thing in the morning, go across the road to the supermarket and stock up on six-packs at about 1/10th the price to replace the bottles in your room.

Only leaves you with the problem of disposing of the empties, which is why you'd see us skulking around the corridors looking shifty and depositing empty Tuborg bottles, Great Escape style, into potted plants all over the hotel.

Unfortunately some establishments have now got wise to this tactic and have, rather unsportingly, fitted digital minibars (I kid you not !!) which have little sensors under the bottles to tell the hotel accountants immediately a bottle is removed.

Ahhh, the march of technology - looks like we'll end up having to emulate the opening scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark just to get a beer....

swashplate
19th Oct 2001, 14:23
<engage ANGRY mode>

I'll tell you what ******* pisses me off, It's ******* tossers on ******* trains who open the ****** window without ASKING his Majesty's permission.........

:mad: :mad: :mad:

And those ******* coffee machines that make you wait AGES for a cup of 'Blend crap'.....

<disengage ANGRY mode>


Ah..thats better!!! :D :D :D


You must talk about it luvvie.....

:D :D

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: swashplate ]

angels
19th Oct 2001, 14:44
U.K. pubs shutting at 11 o'clock.

When on earth are we going to get rid of this bloody ridiculous rule???

Pielander
19th Oct 2001, 15:28
What ****ing ****s me off is ****ing people who ****ing say "****" every ****ing other ****ing word, and ****ing probably ****ing don't ****ing even ****ing realise they're ****ing doing it.
:mad:

[I'm not having a go at Swashplate, by the way]

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: Pielander ]

Tricky Woo
19th Oct 2001, 15:45
Hi All,

Mercury makes people go mad as hatters.

While we're on the subject: I understand the saying 'mad as a March hare', 'cos, let's face it, hares do go bananas in March. But whence comes the expression 'crazy like a fox'?

Hmm, this conundrum might be a good candidate from Herr Draper's magical search engine.

TW

tony draper
19th Oct 2001, 16:17
Draper at one time installed lots of those Hotel Mini bars, and for a small fee can tell you all how to fiddle them to your hearts content. ;)

Alas Mr TW, Drapers magic search engine has located about 80,000 references to Crazy Like A Fox, but no reference to its origins. Did find a absolutley facinating site with explanations of most other saying.
Of course Draper intends to keep this site to himself so in future he can astound pruners with the depth of his knowledge.
He in the meanwhile is a teaser.

The origin of the saying HUNKY DORY
To be okay, everything is good.
Example: If you would only pay the bills on time, everything would be hunky dory.
Origin: Huncho-dori was a major street in Yokohama that was frequented by American sailors on leave during W.W.I. To be in Huncho-dori was to be enjoying leisure activities, and having a good time.
Alternatively,

The archaic English word "hunk" meant "goal" and is probably derived from the Dutch "honk" also meaning "goal". To have reached one's goal is to be satisfied and happy.

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Grainger
19th Oct 2001, 16:34
So Drapes, you're the one responsible for spoiling our fun...

I might have known.

I reckon you now have a moral responsibility to spill the beans... ;)

Nothing as low tech as an empty Tuborg bottle down the trouser leg, I'll wager.

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: Grainger ]

swashplate
19th Oct 2001, 17:34
Thought pubs could open 24hrs now...?


Re Hi-Tech minbars:

How do they work - is it a pressure sensor? Maybe you could slide your supermarket bottle of cerveza/biere/bier etc. over the sensor as you took the bottle of Schnieder Wiesse? :cool:

.....Ahhhhhhhh.........but do they have a mini TV cam in there? :eek:


...this is going to get silly....... :D :D :D :D :D

tony draper
19th Oct 2001, 19:16
Nah! Draper has given it some thought, and it would be dishonourable to divulge such secrets, besides were he to tell you that, no doubt he would be blackmailed by ruthless pruners to let slip other information by the threat of them informing his guild about Drapers lose mouth.
For we hold terrible secrets, the secret of unlimited free access to such things as the new high tech toilets scattered around town centres,free dirty movies in Hotels,access codes to punch into cash machines when you have forgotten your pin number,phone numbers to ring known only to senior police officers and engineers, and the code words to mummble in order to have incriminating photo's of your vehicle passing speed camera's at a high rate of knots, deleted from the data base.
Civilisation itself would be in danger, Draper shudders to think of some innocent Hostess idly punching in the unlock code on some Trident 2 warhead she has found on her hols, no the resposibility is to much,Draper must withhold this knowledge.
Besides I thought all you folks just took what you wanted from mini bars and such and the company payed it all.

Grainger
19th Oct 2001, 21:04
Fair enough Drapes - 'twould spoil our fun anyway, trying to think up new schemes to beat the system.

Anyhow, I reckon I could get the lids off and syphon the stuff out without disturbing the bottles so that's the next ploy.

Now if only I could think of a suitable golden liquid to replace the beer with .....

tony draper
19th Oct 2001, 21:38
Anyway I thought all Airline folks would have access to all the duty free ciggies plonk and such as they could carry away.
Ah, happy days, I remember when Gordons Gin was six shillings a bottle, Four Bells Rum the same, Haigs Dimple was seven and six, and two hundred Pall Mall six shillings, thats in old money, Jeez, six shillings was err, 30p , that was on board ship, you were allowed 200 ciggies and one bottle of spirits to take home when you broke articles, and signed off.
Bloody hell thats almost unbelievable. :(
Oh yes, and a case of beer, 24 cans Macewans export was seven shillings, 35 bloody P.
Hell whats gone wrong.

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Grainger
20th Oct 2001, 02:04
By 'eck draper them were the days...

When you could take yer lass down t'pictures, have a slap up meal of pie mash and chips, sixteen pints of lager and still have enough change left out of a shilling to put 'er on a bus 'ome and pay big Maisie ter give yer one of 'er "special" backrubs if yer know wot I mean.

Aye we'll not see the likes of them days again....

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: Grainger ]

Feline
20th Oct 2001, 02:31
Pielander - To be fair, some people simply don't farkin' realise that they're using the f-word to space out whatever they're saying. I fell into the habit when I was privileged to be one of Aunt Betty's Mercenaries and can well remember my mother's rather strained expression when I opened my mouth when at home on leave.

And Loki - Yeah! "at the end of the day" really makes me cringe!

tony draper
20th Oct 2001, 02:39
Well Mr G,you almost got it right, in the glory days Draper speaks of, lager didn't exsist in the N/E, in fact when it was fist introduced, the brewers could not give the foreign muck away, it was a tipple reserved for female impersonaters and ladies hairdressers.
It wasn't proper beer, it didn't have lumps floating in it, it caused the drinker to fart constantly and one could see through it.
Nah any serious drinker in those days caught with a glass of lager in his mit would be a social outcast, thrown off the darts team banished from the company of decent men.
The local back rub lady then was called Kathy Xmas, but otherwise you were pretty close. ;)

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Grainger
20th Oct 2001, 22:59
Too right Drapes - the real ale is indeed my preferred tipple but, god the intestinal gas that gets generated.... :o