PDA

View Full Version : At long last I can be counted


Velvet
30th May 2001, 20:37
Today, I received my census form - anyone else out there still waiting. :)

However, I have just discovered that there is no envelope, nor address for me to return it :)




[This message has been edited by Velvet (edited 30 May 2001).]

Loki
30th May 2001, 21:42
Send it to me!

Big Red ' L '
31st May 2001, 01:20
Where it says 'Religion' enter JEDI
If more than 10.000 people enter this then it has to be recognised as a religion in the uk...Oops..just been informed, too late, the census has been done....Doh...!!!!!

------------------
Its not the fall that kills you...Its the sudden stop.....

Kaptin M
31st May 2001, 02:02
Well Velvet it looks like you won't be counted...according to Big Red 'L' it's finished! However, I thought that you, being a well educated, wordly wise woman, would have known the address (no postage stamp required):
Head Count, (don't omit the "o")
10 Downing Street,
LONDON

Some census "tactics" for the next one - ALWAYS put 11-13 as the number of people living at that address, occupations unemployed, and their ages below 18 years. This way the Government will be forced to increase their Welfare spending.

In your case however, Velvet as probably ALL the residents in your area received their forms too late, the Government will now determine that your area has undoubtedly suffered a massive outbreak of the human strain of Foot and Mouth disease, resulting in the demise of all. The area will be proclaimed UNpopulated, and you can expect trainloads of Pakistani immigrants to start arriving within a month or so (most certainly the first trainload will be for the house next door to you.).

Foiled, yet again, by government inefficiency!


[This message has been edited by Kaptin M (edited 31 May 2001).]

ExSimGuy
31st May 2001, 11:41
Never mind, Velvet. You know that at least PPRuNers know you can be counted on :)

Now what does it feel like to be non-existant?

"The Count at No. 10" http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif I thought even a Knighthood would be more than he deserved http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

[This message has been edited by ExSimGuy (edited 31 May 2001).]

Gerund
31st May 2001, 13:09
"Today, I received my census form...."

"However, I have JUST discovered...."

"....no envelope...." Hah!

What a load of baloney. Excuses like this just won't wash. And you expect us to provide some sort of alibi?!

Fines of 1,000 for anarchists like you are too good. Hanging is too good.

H, D & Q and then stick your head on a pike as a warning to others. That's what you deserve.

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 31 May 2001).]

Slasher
31st May 2001, 14:22
Hey Gerund your not 'Wick' (anarkee bwother!)from The Young Ones are you?

Velvet just bullsh!t these stupid bloodey forms like we all did back in Oz either to your advantage or just for plain fun. As far as the Oz government is concerned Im a twice-divorced poof turned transexual who now lives with 2 Turkish lesbians and a Japanese she-male.

Kaptin M
31st May 2001, 16:48
SLASHER!!!! You promised you wouldn't tell them about us!!!

So you see girls, you have absolutely NOTHING to fear from either Slasher or me. Here kitty, kitty, kitty - a saucer of fresh cream is waiting for you.

Another aspect to these "censi" - although they are supposedly anonymous: there was a story circulating Singapore that the (anonymous) ballot forms issued prior to their elections, were numerically serialised with numbers that could be read (under a UV light, from memory) and correlated to the specific addresses.



[This message has been edited by Kaptin M (edited 31 May 2001).]

Velvet
31st May 2001, 16:55
Ah Gerund my pet, I've not told them about you yet. When did they let you out - I was sure the Doctor told me it would be another few months yet. Are you still taking the medication?


I've put PPRuNe as my religion - do you think they'll mind.


Kaptin M - these census forms are not anonymous - we have to give name, address, employer's name and address etc (all mandatory). The only good thing is that millions of them have apparently gone missing somewhere and so the census returns will be meaningless anyway.

------------------
How do you explain to a caterpillar that it can become a butterfly, and will, regardless of its current belief system.

[This message has been edited by Velvet (edited 31 May 2001).]

Gerund
31st May 2001, 17:38
How dare you!

Velvet
1st Jun 2001, 15:05
Ssshhhhhhh looks round carefully

Did you know they read these forums - I swear

Today I received the return envelope, and I hadn't got round to requesting one.



------------------
How do you explain to a caterpillar that it can become a butterfly, and will, regardless of its current belief system.

Gerund
1st Jun 2001, 16:14
She had it all the time! Nothing like a bit of mediaeval fear to get at the truth.

And now we know she was lying, it is time to put her to the flame.

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 01 June 2001).]

OzExpat
1st Jun 2001, 19:01
Gerund... I'm just guessing here but, if you're an example of the NHS in action (inaction??), the mental health situation in the UK is much worse than I ever imagined! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

Let the flaming commence! :)

------------------
Dispela olgeta samting i pekpek bilong bulmakau!

Gerund
1st Jun 2001, 19:19
OzExpat -

So you escaped. Transportation was meant to be for life, but as long as you, or your descendants don't try and come back here to steal any more bread, then I'll be happy.

I hope the cannibals get you!!!