View Full Version : And we complain??????

29th May 2001, 15:53
Seen recently as an article in a foreign newspaper
And we think we have it bad???

Last week, the Singapore Zoological Gardens announced that they were
setting up a bank containing sperm samples of all the wildlife under
their supervision. At the same time, zoo sperm bank worker Mohd.
Binatang bin Goncang won a competition for "Worst Job in Singapore".

Wildlife Reserves Singapore (WRS), which runs the Singapore Zoo, the
Jurong Bird Park and the Night Safari, has set up a bank of sperm and
animal tissue in order to help preserve species. And It is Mr.
Binatang's job to collect the sperm. "Teruk, sial," said Mr. Binatang as
we followed him on his rounds at 4 a.m. in the morning.

"We start so early in the morning because a lot of the animals have a
'morning glory' when they wake up, and it's easier to collect the sperm
then." Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler box filled with ice
and tupperware, Mr. Binatang, 25, told us that he'd just graduated from
Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in life sciences. He liked nature
and animals, and thought that the Singapore Zoo would be the perfect
place to work.

"I never thought I'd be giving an orangutan a hand job every morning,"
he said somewhat ruefully. "And Ah Meng is the worst. He expects to be
kissed first." As we approached the orangutan enclosure, we saw the
Zoo's most famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his
head, and sporting a huge erection. Mr. Binatang sighed, and applied
massage oil onto his gloves.

We lingered outside the enclosure as Mr. Binatang entered and knelt
before Ah Meng. About 2 minutes' worth of squelching noises could be
heard before Mr. Binatang emerged again. "So fast?" we asked. "He's shy
with you strangers looking on and can't perform today," said Mr.
Binatang with a grin, before silently mouthing "thank you" to us. We
next moved towards the tiger enclosure. The big cats were sprawled
lazily on the grass verge as Mr. Binatang approached. "Sayang, sayang,"
said Mr. Binatang in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh
set of gloves and entered the enclosure. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty..."
Moments later, Mr. Binatang emerged with several tupperwares full of
viscous fluid. "Is that...?" we asked gingerly. "It's not soya bean,"
replied Mr. Binatang grimly.

"Isn't it dangerous?" we asked. Mr. Binatang was silent for a while.
"They know I'm not there as an enemy," he finally said, a glazed,
faraway look in his eyes. We fought the urge to say, "Give that man a

Mr. Binatang then worked his way round the zoo, carrying out his duties
with the tapirs, the rhinoceros, the giraffe and the gorillas, amongst
others. "Each animal is different," he said, removing his gloves, now
speckled with traces of polar bear spunk. "The polar bears come rather
quickly,because they're not used to my warm hands on their cold organs.
The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards. The elephant is the
most teruk because of the size of its thing... sometimes I have to use
both my arms to tug on it. I feel like the bell ringer in a cathedral.
Like Quasimodo or something. And god, when he comes, it's like being
sprayed by hot glue."

Mr. Binatang finished his rounds at 3 pm in the afternoon. The cooler
box was full of neatly-labeled tupperwares of animal semen, which were
duly delivered to the WRS office. "I don't know how long I'm going to
stay in this job,"said Mr. Binatang, peeling off his overalls. "As you
can expect it's really affecting my sex life. I can't help it. Each time
my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating hippos keep floating through my
mind." The WRS acknowledges Mr. Binatang's difficulties and promises
that the semen collection procedure will soon change. But not because of
the unpleasantness of the job.

"It's because the animals have gotten too used to Binatang coming over
every morning to pull them off," said deputy assistant director Lai Jee
Seow. "Many of them now can't be bothered to engage in real sex."