View Full Version : Panels advice needed again (if they are still sitting)

Le Pen
28th May 2001, 17:08
Please help me ................

Some time ago I wrote to the panel asking for help for a "friend".....His problem was that his wife was having 6 or 7 orgasms at a time, while he was only having one. He wanted to know if this was normal.

Thankfully the members of the panel were able to put his mind at rest.

Now I can reveal that it wasnt a friend and in fact it was me! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

My problem now is that my wife is still having orgasms...though only one or two at a time......

Not a big problem I hear you say...... No, I would agree. after all Mrs. L P is aproching the big four O!

No, my problem is that shes in Europe and I'm stuck in the Fu**ing middle East!!! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

Please help me Panel, put my mind at rest again.

Love you lots

Le Pen :)

Nil Fault Found.....Another great work of fiction in progress

Le Pen
28th May 2001, 21:17
Come on Reddo, Jazzi, Tigga ya gotta help me!!! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/frown.gif


31st May 2001, 02:02
Either the phone sex is sensaish or she's getting off on the memory of the sessions you two used to have.
If those two cases ain't the reason... best get a bike and forget women. ;)

reddo...feral animal!

31st May 2001, 12:05
Dear Le Pen!
Aren't you the one who is always upbraiding us flying types for not stating clearly in the maintenance log the precise nature of the problem? Huh?
I mean, I even think of your signature every time I fill out the bl**dy thing! :)

But here you seem to have fallen prone to the same affliction. A problem yes; but what is it's precise nature?
[list=a] Only 2 orgasms at a time for Mrs Le Pen? Mrs Le Pen approaching 40? Mrs Le Pen having orgasms without you? You do not like the Middle East?

Please be more specific, how can you otherwise expect the panel to come up with the appropriate response for soothing the fragile male ego? :)
Not wanting to disappoint the faith you have placed in us, I will of course address the above questions immediately. ;)

[list=a] 2 orgasms would be laughable if you were around, but for a DIY effort it is entirely respectable. I mean, how much effort can you expect from the poor woman? http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/confused.gif the big four-oh as you call it, will in no way decrease Mrs le Pen's ....... errrrrrrmm.... facility in this matter. You can safely take my word for it (I'm 43 :) ), and put your mind at rest. You should only be grateful the woman is of independent Mind & Body! Leave!

Hope this helps & thank you for asking the Panel's advice! :)

Nil Fault Found. At all.......... :)

31st May 2001, 12:29
Leave the Middle East http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/confused.gif

That's almost as bad a suggesting a honey-cart driver leave the aviation industry http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

Le Pen
31st May 2001, 15:20
OK, OK, OK!!!!!

Reddo, great to hear from you. I'm only here for a few more weeks. But, what type of bike would you suggest???????????

As for you, Flaps43, :) You just aren't getting it. (Well, neither am I!!!) I'm not complaining. Just stating the facts as I see them. Now, I'm away from home a lot and its never come up before. http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

So to address your points one by one :rolleyes:

A. Why would she tell me this???? is she boasting or copmlaining?
B. No big deal, Im gonna be 40 someday, if I live that long!
C. How does she do this? Can you supply pictures? A movie would be better. http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/cool.gif
D. Its not the location (now, NO beer hurts, and I try to make up for it with excessive ice cream) but as I said, you're just not getting it.

I hope that this has made it a little clearer!!

Cant wait to hear from you, flaps old chap!

Am I going to have to throw this open to a wider audiance???

Love you all

Le Pen

Nil Fault Found.....Another great work of fiction in progress

[This message has been edited by Le Pen (edited 31 May 2001).]

Biggles Flies Undone
31st May 2001, 15:27
"flaps old chap"


:) :) :) :) :) :)

[This message has been edited by Biggles Flies Undone (edited 31 May 2001).]

31st May 2001, 16:14
I'm not getting it Le Pen. http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/confused.gif

If Mrs Le Pen is getting it 'elsewhere' from/with somone else? I recommend a shotgun and a motorbike (the shotgun for the provider :mad: , and the bike for yourself - a Vee-twin will do admirably).

If Mrs Le Pen is getting two a night on phone sex, good effort. I recommend a 'bike, as a reward to your self for a job well done - vee twin is just the thing for a good self congratulatory well done. ;)

If Mrs Le Pen is complaining about only two a night compared to 6 or 7, then I would go home soon. Mind you if she's complaining, at least she's not going elsewhere. Still a good mate of mine reckons the BMW R75 at about 7000 rpm worked very well for one of his past conquests, for a bout 4 miles. And it put a grin on his face too. Sex is fine, but you can't beat the real thing!

In my experience the number of orgasms that a woman can experience is only limited by how much she can talk her bloke (or blokes or bird as the case may be) into staying awake after his orgasm....

Good luck, and I would agree with Reddo: get a bike. What you do with Mrs Le Pen in the privacy of your own home/garden/public place/beach etc is entiely up to you to do and any other voyeurs to observe...!!

31st May 2001, 16:48
Dear Le Pen,
No need to get all riled up; you did ask for The Panel's advice, I am a fully signed up Panel Member. :)

As for the "old chap" bit................
(no need for all that sarcastic laughter BFU, how is the poor bloke supposed to know, him being demented with worry about his missus and all............???)

On a particularly pleasant trip with my 2 best (male) friends last year, after having enjoyed a suitable amount of particularly fine Single Malt, and enjoying the particularly spectecular view of the snowy mountainside from the panorama windows of our hotel suite, one of the chaps in question turned to me and gave me his highest form of praise:

:) "Apart from those t!ts, by God, you could be a bloke!" :)

So there dear Le Pen, I forgive you your erroneous assumption immediately! :)
Perhaps in light of this gender-change, you might view my response to your questions re Mrs Le Pen in slightly different light?

Nil Male Parts Found............ at all :)

Flap Sup
31st May 2001, 17:37
Lady F:
Did that friend of yours refer to your personality in general (in which case it indeed was a compliment), or your looks (FS shudders badly by the thought)?

[This message has been edited by Flap Sup (edited 31 May 2001).]

31st May 2001, 23:38
Le Pen, there is only one make of bike. Ducati. I got one and I miss him dearly. Fortunately there are a few blokes in kilts here that keep me entertained :)

reddo...feral animal!

Le Pen
1st Jun 2001, 01:07

BFU, glad to make you smile....

Firestorm, No worries about fidelity....and I should see someone about that bike thing!!!!

Ok, down to business......

Flapsforty, sorry 'bout that, knew you were a girl all along!....And if you could email me some photos of the "items" you mentioned (been in Q8 for a week and one forgets what they should look like!.....Mrs. Le Pen offered but the computers crashed....Go away for a few days..........)...

So back to business.....

The thing of it is,that while shes at home having these orgasm things by her own hand (or whatever)I'm stuck here where the most exciting thing on tv is the weather!!! Then she phones me up at work to tell me, and gets pi$$ed when I'm not over the moon!

Am I being unreasonable.....Probably.

anyway, still need advice, and pictures!


Le Pen

1st Jun 2001, 21:02
Is someone trying to tell me that "The Panel" is meeting HERE because it can't meet anywhere else? http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif I thought it was firmly established at "that other place"?

I'm still trying to figure out if Mrs LP is getting off with someone else while Mr LP is stuck in the M.E. ... http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

Dispela olgeta samting i pekpek bilong bulmakau!

1st Jun 2001, 22:28
Dear Le Pen

Are you saying that you can't do 'it' by yourself without Mrs LePen on hand (so to speak), or that you are jealous that she is able to do it without your entering into the spirit of the thing.

As for her age, what has that got to do with it, doesn't suddenly render her incapable (re Slasher at 40). Just think of all the practice she is getting, and how much better it will be when you return home.

I note you say 'it has never come up before when you're away', does this mean that you managed without on short trips, but can't cope for the time you are in Kuwait. Incidentally, don't they still do the jazz sessions at the Hilton - sad - they had the most wonderful Sachmo sound-alike ever. was in the Holiday Inn Kuwait for 2 years, but the Hilton had the best live music

However, back to your little problem, shouldn't you be delighted that your wife wishes to share these little gems with you. She takes all the trouble to phone you in your lonely posting and this is how you reward her sterling efforts.

Yours ever

Vice-President English Chapter, European Panel

[This message has been edited by Velvet (edited 01 June 2001).]

Mac the Knife
2nd Jun 2001, 00:16
Are the orgasms simultaneous or consecutive? Please clarify ASAP.

Medical Adviser, African Panel.

Le Pen
2nd Jun 2001, 17:27

OzEx, no worries in the fidelity thing, but thanks for asking.

Mac, usually they are consecutive.....But not sure if this is the case now. Will do my best to find out for you.

Velvet, I can't believe you are the vice president!!!!!! I think you should be promoted.......... :)

"Just think of all the practice she is getting, and how much better it will be when you return home."


"... shouldn't you be delighted that your wife wishes to share these little gems with you. She takes all the trouble to phone you in your lonely posting and this is how you reward her sterling efforts."

THIS is the stuff to put my mind at ease!

Of course I dont mind her giving the arm of the sofa a bashing, who wouldn't?

I still can't do anything to help her though.

Perhaps someone on the panel could suggest some alternate methods that I could pass on to her (external only , please!), then she would know that I am thinking about her welfare too! :rolleyes:

(CAN'T wait for the replies to this one http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif )

BTW Velvet, been working in the evenings, so haven't been out much, but, will keep an eye out for the jazz.

Oh and what rank does flapsforty hold on the panel???? http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

Love you all

Le Pen

PS. Reddo, thought you meant a Bycicle.....Sorry. http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

Nil Fault Found.....Another great work of fiction in progress

3rd Jun 2001, 22:10
Dear Le Pen

I know you only have your wife's happiness at heart, and want her to have more pleasure even if you're not there to share it. Perhaps she feels that as you are not getting any, she should restrict her orgasms, thus she is sacrificing her pleasure for you. What a woman, don't you feel lucky to be married to her.

Maybe you also have to consider whether your wife would really want to increase the number whilst you are away and cannot participate. Maybe, she is holding back so you won't feel unwanted. Have you thought that the armchair is not really an adequate substitute for a quivering heap on the floor.

However, I feel that your wife is letting you know, in the most loving terms, that she misses you. Unless the armchair is rapidly being reduced to a shuddering, shaking mess (which I'm sure you can relate to), I think you should leave well alone.

Oh, flaps is the President of the European Panel. I'm quite happy with the Vice.


Vice-President English Chapter, European Panel

Le Pen
5th Jun 2001, 04:58
Thanks Velvet....

That chat with you did me the world of good!

Had a good long talk with Mrs. Le Pen and its all sorted out now :)

Many thanks to the Panel (even flaps) for the help...
If you guys ever need your CofA signed off.......... ;)

Lots of Love

Le Pen

Nil Fault Found.....Another great work of fiction in progress

20th Nov 2002, 08:04
Hello LP

Just dug this out of the archives.....

Are you NEVER satified???



20th Nov 2002, 15:13
Well, one Panel member is engaged and will be married next year.
Another is back with one of the early candidates and very very happy.
I haven't heard from the others. :D