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Celtic Emerald
27th May 2001, 20:36
ONE FOR THE OIRISH

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN DUBLIN TOO LONG
1 You say 'taeun' when you mean the city.
2. You think it is perfectly normal to pay over 3.00 for a pint while you’re getting ‘locked’ everynight.
3 You use ‘bleedin’ in every sentence.
4. You have no idea where the North is, just somewhere to stay the hell out of.
5..Somebody speaks to you on the DART (train) and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
6. American tourists no longer annoy you but they sure as hell stick out a mile.
7. You can't remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car in "taeun."
8. You don’t get upset anymore when your children whiz into ‘tauen’ in half the time on their rothars (bikes) while you’re stuck in the bleedin traffic
9 You greet everyone with ‘Jasus How are ya, how are ya bleedin doing’
10 If you’re a southsider you think all northsiders in suits are either defendants, Charlie Haughey or both ;)
11 If you’re a northsider you think that all southsiders are stuck up snobs & bloody pludocrats, with notions of themselves way above their station.
12 If you’re a southsider you wish that northsiders had got off the train at Tara Street station :rolleyes:
13 If you’re a southsider you bring your passport with you when your travelling to the northside regardless of whether you’re flying out from the airport or not (about the only time you venture north anyway)
14 If you’re a northsider you think the Dublin mountains in south Dublin are in a foreign country which would defy generations of good old working class blood line to traitor yourself to set foot in (No Hamrah I’m NOT referring to you) ;)
15 You think anyone who comes from outside The Pale is a redneck or culchie.
16 You think anyone who was born in Dublin is a blow in if their parents are rednecks/culchies.
17 You think only a Dubliner who’se mothers, mothers mother (fathers ditto) hailed from Dublin can call themselves a true Dub. (Really Hamrah I’m NOT referring to you).
18 The countryside makes you nervous but somewhere nice for a daytrip as long as you don’t end up getting stuck in the middle of bleedin nowhere http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif
19 You can’t distinguish between ‘foot & mouth’ & ‘putting your foot in your mouth’.
20 You can’t understand why you have to keep on standing on disinfectant mats when you never have or are ever going to set foot on a ‘bleedin’ farm.
21 You couldn’t milk a cow to save the life of you.
22 You think that Shannon Airport is a white elephant stuck in the middle of bleedin no-where.
23 You call all women ‘Jackeens’.
24 You call your Mrs/girlfriend ‘Me bleedin Hen’.
25 You use ‘****’ all the time.
26 You’re convinced you’ll be dead & buried before the LUAS (the Dublin Lightrail) will ever see the light of day.


SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN LIMERICK TOO LONG
1. You have an urge to steal.
2. You keep going on about how great Limerick and Garryowen are.
3. To you, organised crime is putting petrol in the getaway car.
4.You think Dubliners are 'soft east coast ashy pets'... until they kick your head in at rugby.
5.You deny that it rains all the time as you struggle home with the shopping in yet another torrential downpour.
6.You think that Shannon airport is the hub of international traffic to America not realising that the very thought of landing & being stuck in the middle of no-where just after taking off from Dublin airport sends pilots to the verge of a nervous breakdown http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif
7. Dubliners call you a ‘bleedin culchie’.

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN DERRY TOO LONG

1.You say 'Sir' all the time ("Howsa goan thur Sir").
2. You say 'sh*te' all the time
3.You say 'aye' all the time.
4.You end sentences with 'Hi' i.e. 'I'm no goan' thur, Hi, it's sh*te'.
5.You think Irn Bru is great, ignoring the fact it 'tastes of sh*te Hi'.
6.You get an urge to punch everybody you meet.
7.You punch everybody you meet.
8.You get drunk before, after and during punching everybody you meet.
9.You are incomprehensible.
10. People seem to be scared of you when you say where you are from.
11. You automatically get the urge to kill on hearing the words 'Londonderry'
12. You talk about your wee mummy all the time.
13. You call anyone from the republic ‘A Freestater’.
14. You’re actually interested in what another person’s religion is

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN CORK TOO LONG

1.You say "I'm Grand" all the time.
2.You think of Guinness as if it is the sixth food group.
3.You disagreed with 2. - Guinness is the FIRST food group.
4.You're pale and white... yet compared to others your suntan looks good.
5.You say "Are you Grand ?" all the time.
6.You say "Isn't that grand?" all the time.
7.You say "That'd be grand" all the time.
8.You take 4 hours to get home on a Saturday night and think nothing of it.
9. You don't eat anything cold, uncooked or not resembling meat, bread or potatoes.
10.You say "Your man" all the time.
11.You say "Your woman" all the time.
12.You say "It's grand that your man asked if I'm grand" all the time.
13.You find yourself still living with family and having dinners cooked for you by someone's mammy - at 30.
14.Your still telling everyone ‘I luv me mammy’ cause she irons your shirts at 30, ya mammys boys ya.
15. No-one from Dublin can understand a word you’re saying & start calling you a bleedin Mick/Culchie.
16.You think that the sound of ‘The Bells of Shandon’ is music to the ears.
17. You think ‘The seven Hills of Rome’ are second rate compared to the Hills of Cork City and start developing thigh muscles from walking/cycling up & down them.

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN CAVAN/MONAGHAN/MAYO TOO LONG

1. You're still there.
1. You know how to milk a cow.
2. You think that a few houses stuck in a row constitutes a tauen.
3. You start going on about ‘The Stony grey soil of Monaghan’.
4. You refer to Dublin as ‘The Bright Lights’.
5. You’ve forgotten what it’s like to drive on a road not full of potholes.
6. You’ve gone green in the face from looking at green fields.
7. Dubliners start calling you a ‘bleedin redneck’ (No Hamrah I’m NOT bleedin refering to you)
8. You think that Knock Airport was the best invention since sliced bread.
9. You say ‘begorrah’ all the time.

Emerald http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif




[This message has been edited by Celtic Emerald (edited 27 May 2001).]

compressor stall
28th May 2001, 05:12
SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN THE NORTHERN TERRITORY TOO LONG

1. Your idea of smart casual means thongs (flip flops).
2. Formal wear is a shirt with a collar
3. You do not own a tie
4. You have not seen your car floor for months under the rubbish
5. Anything you have not worn for 2 months is now green with mould
6. You think that the NT News actually contains news.
7. You drink a sixpack a night and still stay sober.
8. You buy another fridge just for beer.
9. You make mournay aout of barramundi as you've got so much of the bloody stuff in the freezer.
10. No longer think Fannie Bay and Humpty doo are funny names for suburbs.
11. You like your red wine from the fridge.
12. You ask to new waiter just arrived from Sydney where the ice is for your glass of red.

When I got to 8 of these I left the NT!

------------------
Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.
William Blake

[This message has been edited by compressor stall (edited 28 May 2001).]

ExSimGuy
28th May 2001, 10:19
SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN THE MID-EAST TOO LONG

1. You wash everything you buy from the supermarket in Chlorox (bleach) before preparing.

2. You go out to buy a car with a plastic supermarket bag containing the cash.

3. You complain that the "narrow lane on the left of the overtaking lane of the motorway, clearly marked by the yellow line" is too narrow to drive your Suburban.

4. You drive a Suburban.

5. Your small change drops out of your trouser pockets when you hang them up at night and you leave it on the floor for the house-boy the next morning.

6. Red traffic signals are advisory, not mandatory.

7. You think that you can recognise a vintage wine because it's not cloudy.

8. You leave a double sink-full of dirty dishes after the dinner party on Thursday night until the house-boy comes on Saturday.

9. When looking for new accommodation, you always check out the place at 12:25 on a Friday for noise-abatement.

10. You know that this is written by a guy as a lady would have a house-maid.

------------------
What goes around . . .
. . often lands better!

OzExpat
28th May 2001, 18:46
Without apology to Stallie...

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN PAPUA NEW GUINEA TOO LONG
1. Your idea of smart casual means thongs (flip flops) - and yesterday's t-shirt.
2. Formal wear is a shirt with a collar, shorts and thongs (flip flops).
3. You do not own a tie.
4. You have not seen your car since it got stolen, until the day you identify the bullet-riddled remnants.
5. Anything you have not worn for 2 months is now green with mould.
6. You think that the Post Courier actually contains news.
7. You drink a six G/Ts a night and still stay sober.
8. You buy another fridge just for the gin and tonic.
9. You make mournay out of mud crabs as you've got so much of the bloody stuff in the freezer.
10. No longer think Gordon's Stage 5 and 16-Mile are funny names for suburbs.
11. You love your red wine from the fridge.
12. You ask to new waiter for iced coffee, just to see if he puts in the correct number of ice cubes.
13. You speak any number of languages, with English playing a minor role.

I'm over 8 of these already ... and I'm STILL bleedin well here!! Ain't that simply grand hi! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

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Dispela olgeta samting i pekpek bilong bulmakau!

Celtic Emerald
28th May 2001, 22:42
Ah Hoggs :)

Me old mate. How are ye. Enjoyed talking to you in chat that time. Hope you're looking forward to your new job, that everything goes well for you & that I might have the privilege of jumpseating with you someday, ya never know :)

Best of luck

Emerald http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

jaraynor
29th May 2001, 16:27
Stallie

You mean NT news does'nt contain news????

Capt EFIS
29th May 2001, 16:58
Signs that you have been in General Aviation too long:

1. You get excited when you only have 1 or 2 pax in your PA31, as you know it will climb out on one engine.

2. You faint when the self loading frieght (pax) says they only have a small bag that weights less than 2kg.

3. You have a contest to see just how many items of luggage you can squeeze into the nose locker.

4. You know that the roster will change about 10 times before the end of the day.

5. You don't even bother making plans on your day, as you know that this will change.

6. The boss says $20 should be enough money for overnight expences, and you agree!

7. You know the story line to "Days of our Lives" and "The Young & the Restless".

8. You get sick of trying to get the oil stains from your white shirts, and consider that those stains add character.

9. You can't afford new white shirts.

10. You can't afford too much at all.

Capt EFIS.

drop bags bar
29th May 2001, 19:09
Ten signs you've flown for the United Nations for too long.

1. You've finnaly given up explaining why all pax need a seat.
2. You expect your medivac patients, that you were called out at 3 am to go and fetch, to be waiting for your aircraft on the apron in a pair of sandels, a Hawaiian beech shirt dinking a beer humming take me to Jamaica because every UN soldier knows that the finest form of personal travel is the medivac aircraft.
3. You find it quite normal to hear that ATC has lost your flight plan for the third time this morning already.
4. You no longer twitch when people are sticking AK-47s into your gut when they are talking to you.
5. The pax said they'd be an hour so you know it's safe to take the three hour walk into town to try find lunch.
6. Goat is now thought to be a good piece of steak.
7. You look forward to the next time you're under house arrest as at least you'll get a day off.
8. You know a dozen places on your aircraft to hide food that you liberate inflight from stocks destined for the Officers mess.
9. You take bets with your fellow crew members on the chances that the cargo you are carrying is supposed to actually go to the destination on the manifest and how many days will pass before you are sent out to fly it to where it was needed in the first place.
10. You no longer get stressed or worked up no matter how much the UN has F**ked up because you were expecting it.

Islander Jock
31st May 2001, 12:41
Signs that you've been in Indonesia too long

1. You start singing along to the Muslim call to prayer being amplified through loud speakers every couple of hundred yards.

2. You think nothing of doing a U Turn in front of oncoming traffic.

3. You always make sure you are carrying 20 and 50 thousand Rupiah notes when going through customs.

4. You get used to watching VCDs with terrible picture and sound and don't mind the occasional silhouette standing up in the middle of the picture.

5. You can walk past open drains without gagging or holding your nose.

6. You don't blink when the secretary says she has booked you on the Bouraq flight to Jakarta.

7. Anker and Bintang taste good.

8. You start eating lunch consisting of rice and fish heads with your office staff .

9. You think that anything more than 1,000 Rp per litre(AUD .20) for petrol is expensive.

10. You accept that you are being shafted when one of the locals smiles, shrugs his shoulders and says "well, this is Indonesia"



[This message has been edited by Islander Jock (edited 31 May 2001).]