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angels
12th Oct 2001, 14:47
A bloke goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in y-fronts.
Of course someone asks him what he's supposed to be.

"I'm a premature ejaculation," he says.

"What??"


"Well, I've just come in my pants...." :eek:

Paterbrat
12th Oct 2001, 16:23
The night was progressing well the crowd by the bar good humouredly boistrous and the barkeep over in the corner having a quiet bet on the football match in progress on the TV. As he got up to serve someone a chap by the bar hails him.
" I see your a betting man, care to have a small wager with me for 50 quid" and slaps down a 50. The barman shrugs his shoulders,
" Maybe, what's the bet?"
" 50 quid that I can't bite my own eye"
The barman seeing that the chap is a bit pissed smiles and lays down a 50.
Chap reaches up takes out a glass eye and nibbles it before putting it back in it's socket, then takes both fifties, his crowd of friends behind him errupting in hilarity. Barman retreats feeling pigsick.
Little while later the winner summons barman.
" Listen " he says. " That was a bit unsporting of me there was no way you could have known I had a glass eye. Give you a chance to get your money back. 50 says I can't bite my other eye."
Barman thinking, "what a gent, I know he hasn't got two glass eyes" puts up new wager.
Chap then takes out false teeth and gently nibble his good eye, then takes the barman's second fifty, crowd behind him now crying with laughter. Barman in terminal depression.
The evening is now well advanced and the chap now swaying quite seriously calls barman over.
" Listen my frieds and I have had a fine evening here, I feel bad about taking a hundred off you, here's a chance to double or quits. A hundred says I can stand on this bar, have you place a shot glass anywhere from a foot to four feet from me and I will **** into it fill it exactly to the white line with not a drop anywhere else."
The barman who not once in his forty odd years has been able to control the last few drops is visibley impressed. A quick look round, the bar area is dark, not many except this chap and his party around.

" OK, your on."

Chap leaps up onto bar and unbuttons, barman gets shot glass and places it at the max, four feet away. A moments expression of concentration then chaos as a stream errupts and goes absolutely everywhere, over barman bar, glass. Barman leaps out of the way and the chap covered in confusion appologises profusely citing excess pressure as an excuse, and hands over 100. Barman happily excepts the same cleans bar and more drinks are served.

Calm restored and crowd drinking again, the barman approaches the sportsman.
" Can you really do that trick?" he asks.
" Nah." replies the sportsman. "Just bet my 12 mates twenty quid each I could **** all over you and the bar"

Check Wheels
13th Oct 2001, 21:18
Probably only Aussies will get this:-


The media haven't got the details yet but it is on good authority that on the weekend raids by the Federal Police caught three terrorists.

Taken into custody were Bin Smokin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Stealin.

A fourth terrorist, Bin Workin could not be found anywhere despite a massive manhunt.

The terrorists were captured after a phone call was made to Federal authorities from the four, threatening to drive a hijacked HQ Holden owned by Bin Sleepin into Ayers Rock.
:) :)