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psycho dog
21st May 2001, 18:14
Guys and Gals, I am best man for a hostie and hubby and could do with some good jokes for the speech . help from all is appreciated

[This message has been edited by psycho dog (edited 21 May 2001).]

BlueDiamond
21st May 2001, 21:45
What's the difference between a jet engine and a hostie?

The engine stops whining when you get to the aerobridge.

traveler
21st May 2001, 21:54
What is the difference between her and a 747 ?

Not all the pilots have been in the 747 yet.

(..running ... very fast..).

f40
21st May 2001, 22:27
Q:Why does a hostie need 1 more brain cell than a cow?

A :)on't want cowpats in the aisle do we?

MisNomer
22nd May 2001, 00:24
All engines have failed and the plane is going to crash!
Hostie runs onto flight deck rips off her clothes and says......
"Captain, captain, before I die I want you to make me feel like a real woman"
Captain rips off his shirt.......
Hands it to her and says...
"Iron that".

OLD_EGG_BOUND
22nd May 2001, 01:12
WHAT DOES A HOSTIE USE FOR PROTECTION DURING SEX?


A BUS SHELTER.

captainschlonger
22nd May 2001, 09:51
What's the difference between a hostie and a washing machine?

A washing machine doesn't think it wants to marry you after you've dumped a load in it!

Big Red ' L '
22nd May 2001, 12:50
Simply replace the word 'Blonde' with 'Hostie' in all the silly blonde jokes....Easy....!!!!!

Tell us who the hostie works for and a clue to her name and see if anyone from the airline can come up with some dirt... :)

Good Luck....

------------------
Its not the fall that kills you...Its the sudden stop.....

Greek God
22nd May 2001, 17:14
What separates an alcoholic from a nymphomaniac.......

The Flight Deck Door

traveler
22nd May 2001, 17:35
You can tell them how she got the job.

There were 3 girls at her airline interview.
Big guy walks in and claims to be the Chief Pilot.
He presents a dilemma like...
"You find a wallet full of money on the plane, pax are gone.
What do you do ?"
First girls smiles, bats her lashes and says: "I'd give it to you".
Second girl thinks she is smart: "I'd bring it to lost and found".
Third says: "yeah right, you snooze you lose, I'd keep it".
Who got the job ??

Exactemundo, the cute one with the big hooters !
(while pointing at your friend).

Xenia
22nd May 2001, 20:03
What is the diffrence between
1) A teacher
2) A Nurse
3) A Cabin Crew
In bed???

1) will say: we'll go over and over again until you learn how to do it properly....
2) Don't worry darling, it won't hurt you...
3) Put it over your nose and mouth and breath normally...

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*************************Happy Landings! :)
*************************

OLD_EGG_BOUND
22nd May 2001, 23:04
two hosties were talking about their boyfriends dandruff problems, one said "I gave mine Head and Shoulders and it cleared up in no time." The other said "how do you give shoulders?"

why are hosties only allowed half an hour for lunch?

so you do not have to retrain them in the afternoon.


What do you get when you turn two of Virgin`s blonde hosties upside down?

Two brunettes.

psycho dog
22nd May 2001, 23:39
thanks for your help guys, if there are any more, keep em coming. by the way, she works for monarch ltn.

OLD_EGG_BOUND
23rd May 2001, 08:23
what is a hosties definition of natural childbirth?
absolutely no makeup

hostie: i don`t look thirty do I?
Pilot: no, but you did when you were.

what do you call a hostie at university?
A visitor.

what do you call a hostie who always knows were her husband is?
A widow

whats a hosties favorite nursery rhyme?
humpme dumpme

what do you call a hostie lying on the floor?
an air mattress

Ace McCool
23rd May 2001, 11:18
The university faculty of medicene was in dire need of increased funding. The head professor in his wisdom decided to sell off surplus body organs. On the first day brains were offered for sale.

The staff placing the price tags on the organs were slightly miffed however and had to call the good professor for confirmation. 'Professor, you've got $5000 on Einstein's brain, $3000 for Churchill's brain and $40000 for some bimbo flight attendants brain - there must be some mistake'. 'No mistake', said the professor, 'the flight attendant's brain is brand new, never been used!'

cudgy_funt
23rd May 2001, 23:24
A plane has been delayed because one of the hosties is missing, so the captain phones up her room, to find out where she is.
The hostie says "Oh captain im glad you called. Im stuck in my room."
"Stuck in your room? How?"
"Well theres only three doors in the room. Ones the cupboard, ones the bathroom and the other one has a sign on it saying 'Do not Disturb'!"

Big Red ' L '
24th May 2001, 04:24
psycho dog There is an excellent bit all about best man speeches in the june issue of FHM. If you can't find a copy (its last months one with Louise and Nell McAndrew on the front---this months is out already with the top 100 women in it..) let me know and i will send it to you if you want it.


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Its not the fall that kills you...Its the sudden stop.....

Zeitgebers
25th May 2001, 03:41
What has a blonde Monarch hostie and a 757 got in common ?
They've both got a black box.