View Full Version : If I ruled the world

19th May 2001, 20:04
I would ban Thursdays (just like the late Douglas Adams character Arthur Dent, I just can`t cope with them)

How about you guys

tony draper
19th May 2001, 20:20
Bit harsh that, banning a day named after a fellow norse god Mr L ;)

19th May 2001, 22:02
Loki - I work shifts so 4 of every 8 Thursdays fall on my days off, so perhaps we should just ban the ones when I have to work.

Tartan Gannet
19th May 2001, 22:19
DONT TEMPT ME! (Now where do I begin?)

ickle black box
20th May 2001, 01:53
I wouldn't have to do any cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning, laundry, hoovering ..... in fact .... I could always get married intead :)

ickle ;)

20th May 2001, 03:38
I'd kill: all lawyers, people who move next to airports then complain about aeroplane noise (usually via their lawyers), people who consistently don't buy their round, politicians (many of whom are lawyers), humourless peasants of any description and, oh yeah, any lawyers I missed first time around.

Dave Incognito
20th May 2001, 05:48
I'd ban telemarketing & tampon ads.

Oh yeah, world peace would be up there somewhere too. :)

Flying is easy - just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

20th May 2001, 06:01
I don't want to rule the world I just want permission to execute 3 or 4 people per day and I'm sure I could make it a better place.

Feeton Terrafirma
20th May 2001, 06:29
If I ruled the world.........

No that would involve far to much work, and not enough drinking time.

I'm not a PPRuNe addict. (just need one more post)

20th May 2001, 09:20
TG... I start for you with the suggestion that your first edict would most certainly be to behead Unwell_Raptor and that other mate of yours, Davaar.

The truce is out there ... or did I just destroy it? :)

Dispela olgeta samting i pekpek bilong bulmakau!

Tartan Gannet
20th May 2001, 10:31
NOT Davaar! His merits far outweigh his faults, even the hated sophistry and equivocation. I have accepted the fact that he is a LAWYER and thus has that unique mindset denied to ordinary mortals such as I.

However his erudition and wide ranging general knowledge make most of his postings both enjoyable and enlightening to read.

Now I bet there are quite a few who would like to behead me? (Take a ticket and stand in line, now who have I annoyed? Some RCs, the Politically Correct, NACRO and similar organisations, New Labour, Homophobes, Bible Thumpers, ........ ). :)

20th May 2001, 13:42
I would devise a devastating new sentence for those who offended me the most - they would be locked in a ten foot square room fitted with two comfy chairs, and supplied with drinks and snacks - but they would be locked in with Tartan Gannet. After 24 hours of that they ought to learn their lesson!

20th May 2001, 13:57
.... there would be a major shift in the male - female population statistics all of a sudden.
Increasingly so in the geographical area where I happen to be.

20th May 2001, 16:47
If men truly ran the world (25 rules):

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager. (and would be free-HN)

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

9. Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words... "Ally McNaked."

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is that I was spilling my beer all over the place when your dumb ass pulled me over."
Cop :"Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

17. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

18. It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

19. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".

20. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

21. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."

22. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

23. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

24. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.

25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I'd rather
21st May 2001, 13:16
Much as I disaprove of vilifying people solely because of their profession (! - cheers Vmike) - estate agents.

I would also ban Wednesdays. The week would be much improved without them.

[This message has been edited by I'd rather (edited 21 May 2001).]

Tartan Gannet
21st May 2001, 13:26
U_R I would be delighted to be "Room 101" to your various betes noir. I think I would enjoy the role, as long as the victim was physically restrained, I dont want a broken nose!

21st May 2001, 15:04
Oh go on TG honey - ocb has offered you a hug and a drink. If you accept, I'd advise you to take a looooooooooonnnnnnnnnnggggg spoon. :)

How do you explain to a caterpillar that it can become a butterfly, and will, regardless of its current belief system.

Tartan Gannet
21st May 2001, 15:08
Velvet my dear, it might be a trap. I go there and I am seized by OCB, HM, U_R and others and burned at the stake for Heresy, Blasphemy, Apostasy, and possibly Sorcery.

Vote early, vote often, vote Tory (at least this time!)

21st May 2001, 19:20
TG, old top ... they're all out to get you, huh? http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif I can't believe that you're now living your life by the philosophy that says ... be afraid, be very VERY afraid!! :)

Well, the truce WAS out there ... somewhere!

Dispela olgeta samting i pekpek bilong bulmakau!

Secret Squirrel
21st May 2001, 20:23
I would ban parents from driving their kids to school!!!

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes!

22nd May 2001, 00:32
Thursdays gone, Wednesdays gone - it's Tuesdays that I can never get the hang of - can we ban them as well?

Ads I'd also ban are those ones for personal accident claims bureaux - "Where there's a blame, there's a claim", anything that assumes because there's a Bank Holiday coming up I'll automatically want to "get down" to B&Q or Homebase or Texas and get out and mow the lawn or do loads of DIY...

Talking of ads, those ones that tell you "It does exactly as it says on the tin" - It says "Keep away from children - dangerous if inhaled" - are they encouraging snuffing out the kids?

Breeding Per Dementia Unto Something Jolly Big, Toodle-pip

Evening Star
22nd May 2001, 01:21
Down with hardware manufacturers who claim their product is so wonderful and software manufacturers who claim it will work out of the box.

See the HATE computer thread and hear the sound of me grinding an axe.

22nd May 2001, 01:49
I've never really wanted to rule the world, I figured then I would have to listen to everybody's bitching and whining.

Of course I could delegate however .....


22nd May 2001, 05:17
I never could delegate - not enough time.

In the end, I had to get someone else to delegate for me...

Breeding Per Dementia Unto Something Jolly Big, Toodle-pip

22nd May 2001, 06:00
Ban Tuesdays, It's too far from the weekend, what am I saying I work shift, what's a weekend?

I'd appoint myself head of the world air force for life, then abdicate my ruler of the world status and give it back to Bill Clinton, just to P*** off all moaning moral majority pukes. After that I would fly any military fast jet I liked in the afternoons, (I hate early mornings), while being paid a United Airlines Captain's salary and a Delta Captain's salary combined. Incidentally all my fellow squadron buddies would be attractive blondes. They would have to wear G-suit mini skirts.

22nd May 2001, 06:12
If I ruled the world? Well, my Beagle rules over me so guess I'd turn it over to her...

Take a Bow everyone...Sit...Rollover!

22nd May 2001, 08:54
If I ruled the world I would pay off my debt, make sure my family was looked after, buy a big ol sailboat, keep just enough money to get by ( island hopping )for about 4 or 5 years, and give the rest to charity....oops, that's what I'd do if I won the lottery! :)
I guess if I ruled the world I'd give it to someone else, that's too much responsibility for a goof off like me.


Flap Sup
28th May 2001, 00:37
What?? No one banned mondays yet ??
That would me my first choice.
Though most of us don't work nine to five, monday is the worst day of the week anyway.

I would provide free beer for everyone.
More sex.
More beer.
Free aerobatics aircrafts ('visit Flap Sups world, get a free AC')
More beer.
More beer.
Perfect sailing conditions every weekend.
More beer.
No hangovers.
Teh usual stuff: World peace, no hunger and so on.
Did I remember to mention free beer??


28th May 2001, 02:33
Early Go's every day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That'd do for me ;)

"Go around..I say again...go around"

[This message has been edited by niteflite01 (edited 27 May 2001).]

28th May 2001, 21:43
Early Go?!!!

I remember having one once.....must be nice at Manchester.

Low life
30th May 2001, 00:34
Women golfer to only play at night and a slow lingering death to the mixed foursum in front of me this afternoon.
oh and world peace, end of famin so on

30th May 2001, 01:42
Hahaha Loki - remember the topic of this thread - "IF" I ruled the world.

In terms of early go's at MACC that'd be the only chance we'd have I reckon right now!

'Cause we're all such hard working and dedicated chaps and chapesses http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

Don't laugh!

"Go around..I say again...go around"

[This message has been edited by niteflite01 (edited 29 May 2001).]

The Scarlet Pimpernel
30th May 2001, 01:55
Lock up anyone who has a "trip or fall anywhere" or does work on a dodgy ladder - that way we won't have to put up with any of those sodding "Claims 'R' Us" adverts.

30th May 2001, 09:07
If I ruled the world

1. Politicians and lawyers would be all shot. Governments would be banned and a "Board of Management" would be set up with the bestest most capable people. Kangaroo courts and vigilante groups would replace lawyers and judges.
2. Taxes would be abolished. Id make my own money and pay someone to oversee the manufacturing of it.
3. All women at the age of 17 will be conscripted for 2 years into the Army of F*cking. There they will receive proper training in BJs, screwing, and how to go to the fridge and get beers for the boys on porn nights.
4. Blokes must share their best f*cks with there mates.
5. One day per month will be set aside as "Caligula Day". On this day anyone can heterosexualy f*ck anyone else at all and the f*ckEE cannot refuse the f*ckER. Only exception will be close relatives up to but not including cousins.
6. Lesbians by law must allow any guys who want to watch.
7. Official permision must be obtained for any woman wishing to remain a virgin, after Ive personaly checked her out to see if shes ugley enough.
9. Brothel prices will be controled so that poor people dont have to sit at home and [email protected] over porno mags.
10. Killing an outright c*nt will not be deemed as "murder" so long as the defendant can prove to the Kangaroo Court that he needed killin.
11. Marriage will be banned. Shacking up and f*cking your brains out will be the New Order.
12. Leaders and supporters of "land rights for gay whales" type of sh!t will simpley be shot no questions asked.
13. The harder you work the more money you will make with no taxes. But great-looking chicks will not be permitted to be poor. If they are they will receive a handsome salary a month as my personal bl0wj0b therapist. No exceptions.
14. Small t!ts will be banned from public beaches.
15. Religion will still be legal provided atheists run the actual church. This will result in Pope Slasher 1st, Archbishop of Canterbury The Very Reverend Slasher, Slasher the Dalai Lama, and Chief Mulla of The Kaba Imam Slasher.
16. Nukes can and will be used only to rub out specific @rseholes or bunches of @rseholes. General civilian populations will be spared.
17. Old buggers will not be given pensions. They will find reasonabley-paid employment as light-duty odd-job handymen at brothels and porn-movie studios.
18. No one will have to pay any money to any porn site on the internet.

[This message has been edited by Slasher (edited 30 May 2001).]

Flap Sup
30th May 2001, 14:28
I vote for Slasherworld.
P.S. How do I get to be a training officer in your 'army'?