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tony draper
5th Sep 2001, 13:53
The UN, is to demand apologies from the species Homo Sapiens, directed toward the species Neandertal,for what amounted to ethnic cleansing.
Surviving members of this species. (I understand there are still a lot in the Balkans and Northern Island) should contact the UN by letter.
PS, please do not use joined up writing ;)

Douglas Spragg
5th Sep 2001, 14:03
The UN has announced that it has decided to demand apologies from God for planting an apple tree in the Garden of Eden.

You want it when?
5th Sep 2001, 14:28
In a landmark ruling the UN has today accepted a multi-billion dollar law suit raised on behalf of surviving single celled amoebae. Who had claimed "the capability for fission and cell division by the then [now] higher life forms of Earth had dis-enfranchised them from accepting their place in society"

A spokesman from "Tooting Popular Front" - Wolfie, who has been acting as a Dentist for the last couple of years said "This is a great victory, and I will look after the fund until it becomes obvious exactly what things the amoebae are struggling for."

You want it when?
5th Sep 2001, 14:33
The UN today focused on Italy as the seat of power for the old Roman Empire. Which lay waste to much of France (Gaul), Germany and the UK in the time before Christ.
It is unsure what form this is to take as the land was fully recovered following the collapse of the empire. However racial memory is strong and many people wake up in fear of Ice Cream vans during the night.

"Something should be done" screamed anti Roman activists as they destroyed the coliseum. "I have flashbacks to an earlier life - where centurions stormed our village - I want at least five billion dollars in damages otherwise I can't sleep" shouted one angry young man (unemployed).


Well it could happen, read the Slavery reparations request. BTW - Daneland for the Danes!

Flintstone
5th Sep 2001, 21:43
Today it was announced that suit will be filed against the occupants of the Crab Nebula alleging that they were responsible for the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs thereby preventing them from attaining their rightful position as the master race on earth.

Mr A. Bulance-Chaser of 'Television Lawyer [email protected] and Partners' was quoted as saying "Where there's blame there's a claim and my client, a Greater Crested Newt called Eric will be seeking fifty squillion pounds in compensation although if they haggle we might just accept a large bag of daphnia".

The case continues.

(Edited due to pudgy fingered typing)

[ 05 September 2001: Message edited by: Flintstone ]

guyincognito
6th Sep 2001, 04:04
In a landmark case in the USA today, a teenager has successfully sued his single mother for damages in excess of five million dollars. The payment was awarded to compensate for his reduced possibility of leading a successful and fulfilling life. The prosecution used water-tight statistical information to prove that a child born in a one parent home was statistically disadvantaged to a significant degree.

"If she'd got married and not gone de facto her relationship might have lasted", claimed Mike Phillips, the recipient of the damage claims. "As it is, I hardly know my father, and am scarred for life. Didn't she check the statistics?"

The decision has sent shivers through the large single-parent community in America. "It just makes single-parent families economically unviable if they're going to sue you when they're teenagers," said Sue Brown, a single mother of two.

Statisticians predict an 2% increase in the marriage rate as a result of the decision made by the court today.

DX Wombat
7th Sep 2001, 21:10
At least he has a life. What is he going to do next? Sue his father for failing to fulfil his parental role and responsibilities? :confused: The mind boggles! :eek: :eek:
Hope I'm not speaking too soon but this computer seems to be working again without the need of fine tuning with a mallet!

aidybennett
7th Sep 2001, 22:02
I think I'll sue my father for taking me up in a Cessna 172 when I was six weeks old. Haven't been the same since. . . Twenty-five grand in debt, still looking up everytime a Cess-pit goes over, any woman I go out with can't understand why it seem that I'd rather spend hours on a wind-swept airfield than spending the time with her. If my father hadn't cruelly got me hooked on flying before I was old enough to make my own desecion, I could be normal, and understand, like, and play football so I'd have something to talk about in pub. How much do you think I'll get awarded?