View Full Version : Company Vehicles

5th Sep 2001, 10:24
Did you know that company cars have the following features rarely found in private cars ?

They travel much faster in all gears - especially reverse.
They accelerate at a phenomenal rate from a standing start.
They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
They have a much tighter turning circle.
They can take ramps (or any other obstacle "hazard") at twice the speed of private cars.
Battery, water, oil and tyre pressure do not have to be checked nearly so often.
They only burn high octane fuel.
They can be driven for miles with the oil warning light flashing.
They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
They are adapted to allow reverse gear to be engaged whilst the car is still moving forward.
Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment for the fitted radio volume control.
No security is needed - the vehicle may be left unlocked with keys left in the ignition.

Does anyone have any unusual stories about their company car ?

Capt EFIS. :D :D

Kermit 180
5th Sep 2001, 12:44
Oh, and they can also carry huge weights of gardening materials so the rear suspension is depressed to the limit and the front wheels are nearly off the ground (very amusing sight in a Japanese or light European car).

Kerms :D

5th Sep 2001, 12:51
The idea is catching on. Only the other day I drove a rental car and that had all the same features! They are also excellent off road vehicles.

You want it when?
5th Sep 2001, 13:59
I borrowed a pals Vectra recently (the off-road block of flats was in dry dock). Amazingly enough he is wrong - it would pull 7,200 RPM in 3rd gear and as for his ABS - wells it's pretty good but I found that that it pulled a bit to the left on the 3rd application. It also easily took 20 bags of gravel - sorry about the exhaust Mike.

You may also find that student cars demonstrate similiar properties. In terms of overloading and speed. I've often been passed (tricky when I'm cruising at 90+ in the block of flats) a number of times by clapped out Mazdas 323s and Fiestas. They are more proflic in a couple of weeks as the little darlings go off to Uni for the first time.

5th Sep 2001, 16:54
It's even better when it's a foreign registered company car. Tax out of date, MOT of of date and it sounds like a tank, not that it matters as it's driven like a tank. Park anywhere, Parking tickets, throw them in the canal. U turns in a busy street, no problem. All those other drivers blame the crazy foreigner who must be driving it. Back into an Aer Lingus van oops, time to make a getaway.
Ramp vehicles are even better, ever try to 360 a Transit on an icy ramp, great stuff.
Yes it is fun.

5th Sep 2001, 17:13
No, never tried to 360 a transit on an icy ramp....

But I have seen a Transit wheel-spin in second gear, in dry weather, in a McDonalds car park. Yes, it was a hire van. :D (No, I wasn't driving, I was the passenger.)


You want it when?
5th Sep 2001, 18:45
A few years ago I was "lucky" to have Mercedes C180 Auto as a company car - standard issue to all line managers in the firm.

They had a switch on the gear box reputedly for Economy / Sport mode. This was renamed the Sluggish and Extra Sluggish switch.

It only had two pedals (unless you count the handbrake) and all of the cars were driven without exepction with one or the other flat to the floor! :D

Ahhh days of youth!

5th Sep 2001, 19:45
Ahhh, reminds me of Colin McRaes answer to being asked "What type of car was the best to learn about rally driving ... ?"

After a pause and a wry smile ... the answer was "Well, any sort of hire car, actually..."


5th Sep 2001, 21:34
And did you know that if you thrash a 17 year old XR2 down the M1 at 95mph it blows up and the nice man from the RAC gives you a lift home (again)?

My own fault I know but I just can't bring myself to spend more than 150 quid on a car.

5th Sep 2001, 21:42
a few years back I picked up one of those Mercs whilst I waited for a new car. I worked for a Japanese bank at the time (big mistake, another story). The car had been handed in by some Jap.

He had not bothered to keep it clean. It stank like an ashtray, and had empty fag packets all over. But of more concern were the door pockets. They were full of (unused) condoms. Bit of a giveaway - they were special (small) Jap ones!!!!

6th Sep 2001, 14:02
Take a Ford Falcon WB station wagon South out of Darwin and head for Batchelor. Load it up with four bods. About 10ks out of Darwin (in the Northern Territory) and you hit the unrestricted speed zone - no speed limit on pretty average roads.

Wind the car up to 200 kph (you need a long downhill for this to occur), then take your foot off the gas.

The T-bar auto will sieze, shooting the T-bar up till it hits the cabin roof. The tail shaft will shear, and the half attached to the gear box will drop onto the road, while the half attached to the differential will slap around under the rear floor pan, bouncing the feet of the rear passengers up and down - all this will happen while the car violently veers left and right under bare control at 200 kph.

If you are lucky, the half of the tail shaft whipping around under the car won't dig into the road and pole vault the car into the bush.

When the car comes to a steaming, smoking halt, you will require half a day to tow it back to Darwin, before ringing the boss to get him to pay for the repair.

Explaining the current state of the car can be tricky.

Apparently. :eek:

Feeton Terrafirma
6th Sep 2001, 15:39
Checkboard the FORD label on the back means Fix Or Repair Daily.

I admit to having a long string of company cars at various companies. They all had some common traits:

They can leap tall gutters at 100 kmh (or more in one case)

They never need servicing (ever.)

The direction selector can be moved from one direction to the other at any speed (what are the other settings? 1, 2, 3, N, P )

The go and stop pedals can be used independently or together.

Brakes are only required IF the obsticle in front of you is a/ bigger, and b/ occupies the entire road width including footpaths.

The little stick on the steering column has no apparent use.

Turning on the hazard flasher entitles the driver to park ANYWHERE

The hand brake is principly used for directional control, particularly when parking.

The big dial in the middle of the dashboard seems a waste. I can check to see if I'm going faster than any other car just by looking out the window

Now I have to say that my current company car is very different to any previous company car I have driven. It only goes slowly when the engine is cold, it needs and gets servicing regularly, the gear lever is never moved without using the clutch, it is clean inside and out, it is never parked to close to another car, and I could go on.

It's the first time I've gotten to pick the company car I drive, and that together with owning the company seems to make a difference. :D

[ 06 September 2001: Message edited by: Feeton Terrafirma ]

You want it when?
6th Sep 2001, 15:46
Feeton :D FORD - Fix or Repair Daily

LOTUS = Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
BMW = Better Made volksWagons
SKODA = Small Kar Of Disastrous Assembly

There must be others, anyone?

6th Sep 2001, 17:04
It's good to see other people having fun with their company cars.

We used to have a Corolla in Central Australia that was a great rally car. It was a bit hard to explain to the boss why the inside was always full of red dirt.

A few Pilots would have great fun hitting those white plastic posts on the side of the road, they would shatter when you hit them fast enough, however one Pilot made a mistake one day and hit a metal one.

It wasn't long after that the company decided it would be better to organise a bus to transport us from the airport to the Hotel. :) :)

7th Sep 2001, 01:40
Pretty bl00dy impressive Checkboard. Makes my head gasket job look a bit feeble.

I wonder if a certain ex-employer ever worked out how we got around the 'no personal use' rule applied to the company Colt in Alice Springs? :D

High Altitude
7th Sep 2001, 10:29
Lets see:

Mini moke - reverse doughies.....

Mini moke - 13 pob + 2 drivers.....

Mazda 1600 van - 1.5 tonne of rock in the back and a blow out.....

Mazda 1600 van - In a straight line from DN TWR to the GA with stubbs falling out the back.....

Mini moke - Placed in front office of charter company through the double doors...

VS ute - major carpark dougies and line lockers.....

etc etc etc....... :cool:

7th Sep 2001, 19:14
Volvos are best, allegedly.

They are now so safe that the driver does not need to look out or indicate before pulling out at junctions, swerving across motorway lanes or simply setting off from the roadside. :mad:

7th Sep 2001, 20:01
I just worked out the implications of the new carbon tax for company cars - an extra 50 a month for mine. I think it's back to an ordinary car for me after next April and take the money instead.


8th Sep 2001, 09:32
There is no mountain too high, or river too deep for a company car!
I had a company truck once when I was 18, my third day on the job found me running about a quarter of a mile down a sparsely populated road to ask a homeowner to call the fire department. I lost my new job over that one :(

10th Sep 2001, 19:04
If you have a company car and are resticted on personal mileage its easy... just disconnect the speedo cable but remember not to take it back with more fuel in than when you got it! A Merc C180 doesn't go fast enough to need a speedo cable anyway ....

Used to take part in a lot of autotests, when my MG broke ( frequently in tose days) mostly in cars courtesy of Mr Hertz or Mr Avis they always went faster somehow....

Finally rented a transit to move some furniture, barrier was down in the car park, no one to pay so simple really ... just drove straight through it.....

Oh the days of youth!

10th Sep 2001, 19:09
Hey Shytorque ... the wife drives a Volvo V40 T4, does all those things but with its fat turbo ever so quickly... its certainly quicker than the Porker it replaced!