View Full Version : If the GPWS was voiced by...

3rd Sep 2001, 13:09
Your mum:

How many times have I told you time and time and time again to watch out for TERRAIN and to PULL UP? Now do as I say! Your still my son and your not too old to be taken over my knee! Now PULL UP or woe betide you when your father gets home!

Your wife:

Darling will you please watch out for the TERRAIN and PULL UP? Ive had a horribley busy day and I realy cant cope watching out for your problems too. Now PULL UP and dont forget the milk and bread on the way home.

Your ex:

Hey stupid watch the TERRAIN and PULL UP! Sh!t you still cant look after yourself can you! No wonder I left you and all of your bullsh!t. Now PULL UP and if you dont send the cheque by tomorrow Im onto my lawyer!

The CAA:

Your attention is drawn to the following directive pursuant after, and in response to, GPWS activation conditions having currentley been satisfied at this juncture: TERRAIN! TERRAIN! WHOOP WHOOP PULL UP! WHOOP WHOOP PULL UP!
This warning will be self-canceling upon the GPWS receiving indications that any or all GPWS activation signals are not in the GPWS activation range, or part thereof.

Capt PPRuNe:

Listen Im getting sick and tired moderating PPRuNers who just dont think and decide to fly there merry way into the hills. So for the benefit of those who just cant comprehend what flying into the dirt means, please listen carefuly: TERRAIN! TERRAIN! WHOOP WHOOP PULL UP! WHOOP WHOOP PULL UP!
If you cant respond to this then Im not going to spend all my time calling it again and again. If you want to crash and burn yourself thats your business. Im flat out with the forum and just dont have time to look at for suicidal idiots who dont know how close they are to the sod!


Upon receiving a GPWS warning the pilot will respond acordingley.

Therefore I must call TERRAIN! TERRAIN! WHOOP WHOOP PULL UP! WHOOP WHOOP PULL UP! as per the Good Ops Book that God made in his infinite wisdom to protect us christians from harm.


Better watch out for the TERRAIN and PULL UP mate! You dont want 10 Dubya and me cryin at your funeral do ya? You pulled up? Nurries!


Jesus H christ look where your goin you stupid [email protected]! Your scarin the living sh!t out of me!

[ 03 September 2001: Message edited by: Slasher ]

You want it when?
3rd Sep 2001, 13:41
Nice thread Slasher,


Ground has been detected, do you want to...
a: Pull Up
b: Ignore this message?
c: Restart?

General Protection Fault - You are inverted do you climb or dive?

Blue screen of death....

My Instructor

Oh for petes sake are you so ham fisted you'll fly us into a hill! Apply power like I told you, don't pull back yet - look at the ASI what's it saying, do your FREDA checks, no don't climb until you've had a good look around, climb smoothly Power-Attitude-Trim what the ROC saying? What does QNH stand for anyway? Where's the trim? Good grief.

YWIW Junior
Oh, look, look, look, Postman Pats van, Big van, Can we go to the beach, Big Big van Daddy Pickle I wet myself.

Spock (Enterprise fame)
Captain - an unsual object has been detected directly in front of us. Scanning - It has mass, and it is alive, but not as we know it. Suggestion: Set inclination postive five degress to galactic centre, Mark 004 while I reconfigure the forward deflector array into a cushion.

Ohh well back to work. :D

3rd Sep 2001, 13:48
Welcome back slasher!!!

3rd Sep 2001, 14:12
Airline Management:

My Ex:

:D :D :D

Transition Layer
3rd Sep 2001, 15:43
Air New Zealand GPWS -

"Baah Baah, PULL OUT, PULL OUT!!!"

Hehehe :) :)


Tricky Woo
3rd Sep 2001, 15:59
Lancashire GPWS:
"Are you fooking blind? Get the fook out of it, yer daft sod."

Swiss GPWS:
An uncomfortable silence accompanied by a disapproving stare.

Tony Draper GPWS:
"Draper notes that the ground is closer than to his liking. Draper advises action on your part. Draper awaits the outcome with interest."


3rd Sep 2001, 18:43
'kin 'ell Slash!! Ya nailed the whole bloodey lot of 'em! Well done that man!

Nurries indeed... :D

You want it when?
3rd Sep 2001, 19:35
Anne Robinson GWPS

That is the ground, that is the ground, you're in a plane, Goodbye

Blair GWPS

When New Labour promised to remove the ground, we did not actually per-say mean to remove the ground, so much as to re-declare it not air. However as you've started on this route and I don't believe that you fully understand what we've been doing to help you. However, I digress air is not ground and you have no air and too much ground. May I suggest that you review all the improtant things, as new Labour have been doing for the last four years, and I'm sure, in balance and with due reflection you will find that etc..

gravity victim
3rd Sep 2001, 19:46
Business School GPWS:

"You have a high statistical probability of an inadvertant ground-air interface resulting in structural disoptimisation."

3rd Sep 2001, 21:14
Police GPWS

"If you don't pull up quickly, anything you say will be taken down and used in evidence against you"

3rd Sep 2001, 22:03
Your lawyer:-
"We have to advise you that, in our opinion, you are adversely prejudicing your case. It was decided in Ground vs. Smith ER 156 (1952) (Fuzzwool LCJ dissenting) that there was no automatic right of appeal against the verbal systems order "Whoop Whoop Pull Up" in cases in which such verbal orders were provided by an automated system, synthesised voice, tape machine or gramophone, unless such systems were utilised in breach of existing or pending patents, copyrights or rights of way under the Bridle Path (Enabling) Act (1921). We therefore must respectfully suggest that you exert rearward pressure on the control column, in accordance with the Flight Manual, Section 4.2.1(a)(iii)."

Your Accountant:-
"I'm sure that, given the forthcoming Budget, with sufficient investment in PERPS, SERPS, PIPS and SQUEAKS, you can safely ignore such adverse indications on your investment in this flight. We have, however, to remind you that aircraft can go down as well as up, and we suggest that you make all effort to increase your height disposables."

Your Doctor:-
"Well, I shoudln't worry about that too much. It's a common worry nowadays among modern medics that hitting the ground can damage your health - if you're really worried, I can refer you to a Climb Specialist - there's a bit of a waiting list, though. Are you in BUPA?"

Your Bank Manager:-
"Our records advise us that your height alance, whilst up to yesterday healthily in the black, has shown a rapid downward trend. Whilst this would not normally concern us in a customer of your standing, it does indicate that you may be in need of further height assistance from us. A new product which may be of interest to you is the new Gold Service Height Checking Account. Please telephone this branch at your earliest opportunity to speak to Mr. Climbwell, and he will explain how, for a small monthly fee, you can be assured that you need not worry in the future about those tiresome "Whoop Whoop Pull Up" announcements. P.S., for those signing up to the new account, there is a free gift of a height calculator."

Hagbard the Amateur
3rd Sep 2001, 22:23
Professional actor's GPWS;

"You're doing fine, great!
Wonderful performance but have you perhaps thought about a possible current lack of connection with the air???"

Hagbard the Amateur
3rd Sep 2001, 22:27
Sorry, had to return.

GPWS from Jewish/Italian mother;

"Oh go ahead, kill yourself, what do I care, sob."

4th Sep 2001, 04:51
In a submarine....... 'Whoop Whoop Go down Go down.. or Dive Dive.... Oh f**k it, crap reply..... :confused: :rolleyes:

4th Sep 2001, 06:36
Canadian version..WHOOP, WHOOP, LIKE PULL UP, EH!

Arm out the window
4th Sep 2001, 06:50
New York Rapper voice:

(Boom boom chk, boom-da-boom chk, boom boom chk, da-boom-da-boom WHOOP WHOOP...)

'Now bro I gots ta tell ya dat we skimmin' da TERRAIN,
now PULL the fokkin' nose UP 'fore you crash da fokkin' plane...'


compressor stall
4th Sep 2001, 07:45
A outback aussie bloke:

**** mate ya better pull up cos ya gunna be sorer than a sheep's cock after a crutchin'

Time Bomb Ted
4th Sep 2001, 08:27
Dyslexic GPWS:

Pull Whoop Up! Pull Whoop Up!

Billy Connelly GPWS:

$%#%kin Pool up! %$#@ Ya!
$#@$kin Pool up!

4th Sep 2001, 08:59
somewhat alternative:

It's not the ground, it's the damn planet, avoid it.


pull up ,retard.


4th Sep 2001, 10:27
From the ‘ever concerned engineer’:

What the hell are you going to break now? The maintenance log isn’t big enough to write this one in.
So, if you want to stick around …. get the hell away from the ground!

4th Sep 2001, 17:33
Red Indian GPWS:


4th Sep 2001, 17:39
Kids GPWS:

I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'G'...

Hagbard the Amateur
4th Sep 2001, 20:12
GPWS a la Douglas Adams

Ooh what's that thing rushing towards us? It's very big and round, what shall I call it? Round? Big round, yes g--round!!! Ground!!!
I wonder if it will be friends with me? IMPACT

edited 'cos I'm an idiot

[ 04 September 2001: Message edited by: Hagbard the Amateur ]

[ 04 September 2001: Message edited by: Hagbard the Amateur ]

5th Sep 2001, 01:11
Norn Iron "Community Worker" GPWS [either side]

Our community obviously respects your point of view but if you don't PULL UP PULL UP we'll do your kneecaps for antisocial activity. :mad:

Treehugger GPWS

Your projected point of impact will impact the following nesting/migratory grounds - orange tail swallow PULL UP PULL UP sabre toothed snail PULL UP PULL UP... :D

Hagbard the Amateur
5th Sep 2001, 03:12
Bouncer's GPWS;

Look, ****, if you don't want a face full of bleedin forest, sort it out mate, and sharpish. Don't I know you???


Whoop Whoop - There is no ground, it is purely a figment of your imagination.

5th Sep 2001, 03:57
Nice one, Slasher.

Funeral Expenses Plan Advertiser's GPWS
"Let's face it, none of us are getting any younger and what a comfort it will be to know that if you don't pull up, your loved ones will be entitled to a tax-free cash lump sum which could be useful to pay for funeral expenses.
Remember, if you hit the ground, there's no forms to fill in, no medical, and no intrusive salesperson will call."

Tricky Woo
5th Sep 2001, 13:31
GPWS provided by the insurance company,

"We'll pay you 20 cents to the dollar, WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOP".

5th Sep 2001, 18:41
A Dominatrice GPWS

Up slave. Now.

6th Sep 2001, 03:15
Korean Airlines GPWS

'It's been a waste of breath so often in the past so whats the point in saying anything now'


Takan Inchovit
6th Sep 2001, 03:52
Tattoo, (Fantasy Island)

The plane! The plane! Will hit Terrain Terrain if you don't Pull up Pull up!


6th Sep 2001, 10:37
Play school GPWS....
And through the square window........

6th Sep 2001, 12:50
Quincy ME GPWS.

"Sam we are going to hit the ground...damn I can't believe they allow it to happen...WHOOOP...WHOOOP...WHOOP

6th Sep 2001, 13:46
Expert aviation reporter GPWS:

"Your four engine Cessna 150 is about to crash, proving that something went wrong. On the upside, manage to kill everyone while incidentally avoiding that school will label you a hero."

Bally Heck
6th Sep 2001, 14:32
USS Enterprise.

"Captain, sensors inidicate a class M planet in our vicinity. Our present course will cause us yo interface with the surface of the planet in approximately 10.5789365275 seconds. I would recomend captain that we pull up pull up with minimum delay"

7th Sep 2001, 08:16
Ren & Stimpy:

Hey you iiiidiot! PULL UP! [slap!] What ya tryin to do huh? [punch!] Kill me? [punch!] You moron! [slap!] pig-headed fool! [slap!] scavenger! [slap!] hyeeena! [punch!] welfare bum! [slap!] communist! [punch!]


I hates to interupsk ya flight, but yous had better PULLS UP and doesnt has a aksidinsk.

Maxwell Smart:

Well once again the forces of good will help overcome the forces of sheer stupidity. If you do not PULL UP chief in exactley...5.5 seconds you and your machinery will disintegrate by terran impact!

Missed it by.....that much!

Eddie Murphy:

You tryin to dint my black ass? If you dont PULL UP Im goin to screw your ass! Till it bleeds!

Lt Commander Data:

Sir, I have scanned the level immediatley below us and confirm impact within 7.66 seconds if corrective action is not initiated within this time period. I have disconected the auto-pilot from the bridge and attempting to re-route power to commanders manual control.


Seeing the ground you do not hmmm? Blinded are you by the Dark Cloud. Control! You must have control! If PULL UP you not follow, a Jedi will you not become.

[ 07 September 2001: Message edited by: Slasher ]

Travelling Toolbox
7th Sep 2001, 09:14
Tweety GPWS:

I tawt I taw...I DID see Puwl Up! Puwl Up!

Bugs Bunny GPWS:

Aaaah What's Up?

High Altitude
7th Sep 2001, 10:18
Simpsons GPWS.....

"Don't have a cow man" ;)

New Bloke
7th Sep 2001, 22:22
Phil Michell (East Enders) GPWD

(Whispers)…Oi Bruv, you gonna pull up or what?…..OI…

After corrective action is taken…..Sorted

8th Sep 2001, 02:53
Ali G:

iz u goin' to pull up, or iz I goin’ to whoop whoop yer battey, "whoop yer battey", "whoop yer battey".


Hagbard the Amateur
8th Sep 2001, 04:03
Cheech & Chong version 1.0

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeuwww!!!! Check it man!! I can pick goddamn kiwi fruit from the tops of the trees. Hey like, whoooooop! We really should whoop (giggle.)Try pulling that thing back. How the hell did we get here anyway???"

429 CJ
8th Sep 2001, 05:03
Tedd-e-bear, (as in that Ozzie fella with a puppet thingie with a hand stuck up its....never mind).

"I was tryin' to go to sleep...... you know, wwhhhheeenn all aye saw wuz the ground..... you know? WWeeeelll I was thinkun.... that's a strange place to put the ground.... you know. So I was thinkun you'd better make the plane go away from the ground.... you know, like soon...you know!?!

And perhaps the perspective of another "rapper" artiste...

"Say yo! aint that the ground man? Aint nuffin so poundin as a groundin man! Specially at dis speed man! So yo' git yo' ass way from da ground man, coz diz cuz is gonna kick yo' ass bad man if you don't man."

8th Sep 2001, 05:35
Well this is another fine mess you've...Whoop whoop whoop

Laurel and Hardy

8th Sep 2001, 08:59
A good 'ol US hillbilly GPWS

aww sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeyit...... don't just sit there like a bump on a log, haul back on the snot locker son.....jaysus h christ who tatchu how to drive this thang?


8th Sep 2001, 13:36
Marcel Marceau,



(Words are just not enough!)

8th Sep 2001, 14:43
"WHOOP WHOOP, waky waky hand off snakie, WHOOP WHOOP"

8th Sep 2001, 15:05
Bill Engvall GPWS:-
"Whoop whoop! If you ain't gonna pull up - here's your sign"

AbFab GPWS:-
"Oh now darling, DON'T be boring, please darling? Pull up and we'll open a bottle of lovely bubbly, OK darling?"

Hagbard the Amateur
8th Sep 2001, 15:44

Whoop, do not misunderestimate this message,whoop.

8th Sep 2001, 16:45
I would love to programme the GPWS to say:
"You farked up, You farked up"
And for the last 50':
"This is gonna hurt!"

9th Sep 2001, 00:15
hhgttg GPWS:-
"If you don't pull up, this is going to give me a terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side - I know I'm only a menial robot, with a brain the size of a planet, and even I know enough to pull up, but does anybody ever listen to me?"

9th Sep 2001, 02:02
Best thread I've seen for ages :) :)

Heard on SV going into JED:

Whoop Whoop, pull up, pull . . no . . no . . not that much . .airspeed, airspeed

[ 08 September 2001: Message edited by: ExSim ]

9th Sep 2001, 23:01
PPRuNe Moderator

If you dont get back on topic and pull up I will close your thread

Sorry guys couldn't help it :cool:

11th Sep 2001, 15:58
Slasher GPWS:

"Jeeezzzeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssssss Christtttttttttttttt would you look at the size of her ****!" :D

Sorry Slash, couldn't resist! :p

14th Sep 2001, 08:40
Helicopter GPWS