View Full Version : Farters charter

1st Sep 2001, 01:55
Saw this in Private Eye:

"It all started with an enquiry from a nurse," Dr Karl Kruszelnicki told listeners to his science phone-in show on the Triple J radio station in Brisbane. "She wanted to know whether she was contaminating the operating theatre she worked in by quietly farting in the sterile environment during operations, and I realised that I didn't know. But I was determined to find out."
Dr Kruszelnicki then described the method by which he had established whether human flatus was germ-laden, or merely malodorous. "I contacted Luke Tennent, a microbiologist in Canberra, and together we devised an experiment. He asked a colleague to break wind directly onto two Petri dishes from a distance of five centimetres, first fully clothed, then with his trousers down. Then he observed what happened. Overnight, the second Petri dish sprouted visible lumps of two types of bacteria that are usually only found in the gut and on the skin. But the flatus which had passed through clothing caused no bacteria to sprout, which suggests that clothing acts as a filter.
"Our deduction is that the enteric zone in the second Petri dish was caused by the flatus itself, and the splatter ring around that was caused by the sheer velocity of the fart, which blew skin bacteria from the cheeks and blasted it onto the dish. It seems, therefore, that flatus can cause infection if the emitter is naked, but not if he or she is clothed. But the results of the experiment should not be considered alarming, because neither type of bacterium is harmful. In fact, they're similar to the 'friendly' bacteria found in yoghurt.
"Our final conclusion? Don't fart naked near food. Alright, it's not rocket science. But then again, maybe it is?" (Canberra Times, 17/7/01. Spotter: Michael Doyle)

Those sheepskin seat covers are rank!

1st Sep 2001, 02:09
It is a disgrace, really, that this research was not done on a "need to know" basis long ago by the RAF or the RN. They had all the raw data, so to speak. The fragrance of the RN decompression chamber haunts the memory after forty years, and an unpressurised cockpit at anything over 5,000' had its very own special charm.

Feeton Terrafirma
1st Sep 2001, 11:47
I wonder how many people realise that when you smell a fart, what you actually smell is the gas fresh from the fartees arsehole? :eek:

I then wonder if you would be prepared to put your finger where your nose has just been, virtually? :rolleyes:

1st Sep 2001, 12:49
I guess if you can smell it then you are tasting it!

Back in the old school days my introduction to science included the explanation that a gas consisted of particles from a solid.

Using that theory, I could have made a killing getting a government research grant to prove it.

1st Sep 2001, 20:11
Gees I would hate to see what Fingerbang's arse can sprout. His farts can clear a room. And he uses a fan to make sure every one gets the benefit!! I have to sit in front of him! YUCK!

1st Sep 2001, 21:00
You sit in front, redsnail, and that is cause for complaint? Is it not better to reason a priori than a posteriori?

1st Sep 2001, 23:54
I shall hence forth stop using the name trousers, and start using the name Fartofilters.

2nd Sep 2001, 08:49
"the splatter ring around that was caused by the sheer velocity of the fart, which blew skin bacteria from the cheeks and blasted it onto the dish."
oh my goodness!

2nd Sep 2001, 13:48
the splatter ring around that was caused by the sheer velocity of the fart, which blew skin bacteria from the cheeks and blasted it onto the dish

Yeah, I'd kinda like to meet the guy responsible for that. He soundz like a real champion! :eek:

4th Sep 2001, 04:37
Please practice safe flatulence . . .

4th Sep 2001, 12:36
Eboy -- please tell me that that page is a hoax!! Sidesplitting stuff!!

5th Sep 2001, 19:50
I seriously hope it's a hoax - the site shows over 82,000 hits!

Mind you, in America...

6th Sep 2001, 13:32
Court rules flatulence case a stinker

A man charged with offensive behaviour after he passed wind in the Werribee police station, west of Melbourne, has been found not guilty by the County Court.

The prosecution was unable to establish that flatulence was a voluntary act.

Sally Smith of Werribee Legal Service says the case was a ridiculous waste of public money.

"Passing wind is a natural bodily function and we think it is absurd that it may be criminalised," she said.

"Prosecutions for such minor breaches of so-called good order come at a huge cost to the community and cause real distress for the person charged."

Source: ABC News

7th Sep 2001, 19:27
The obvious answer is that it should be compulsory to light all farts, as this will cremate or otherwise destroy the odious bacteria.

7th Sep 2001, 20:33
farty pants (http://www.fartypants.com/)

Cisco Kid
9th Sep 2001, 02:54
It is now compulsory for nurses wearing skirts in a sterile environment to wear tights (pantyhose);the only indication now of passing wind ,to the trained eye ,is a momentary swelling of the ankles !

9th Sep 2001, 04:14
Also, looking from the point of view from a molecular basis, smell is of course particles of matter. It's just that they are very small. So the next time you breath in, be aware of exactly what is going on around you. Ahhhhh...another one...**Yum**