View Full Version : Barbies You'll Never See in Stores!

29th Aug 2001, 19:24
1) Scratch and Sniff Barbie (Use your imagination...we're not saying a word.)

2) Crash Test Barbie

3) Opera Barbie (complete with the horns and the brass brassiere)

4) Marie Antionette Barbie (with removable head; guillotine included)

5) Hiroshima Barbie (just a shadow of her former self)

6) East German Swim Team Barbie (a Barbie head on a Ken doll)

7) Frozen Barbie on a Stick (in your grocer's frozen food section)

8) Forrest Gump Ken (Pull his string and he complains for two and a half boring hours.)

9) Divorce Barbie (includes the house, the car, and half of Ken's crap)

10) Broken Bungee Barbie

11) FrankenBarbie (green Barbie with bolts through her neck)

12) Shock Therapy Barbie (car battery and wires included)

13) Samuel L. Jackson Ken (He'll get medieval on your a**.)

14) Manic Depressive Barbie (with a set of Oriental throwing knives)

15) Biker Barbie (We're talking Harleys, not Stumpjumpers.)

16) Fat Barbie, in the following three varieties:

Big Butt Barbie
Love Handles Barbie
More Chins than a Chinese Phone Book Barbie

17) Peg Leg Barbie

18) Eye Patch Barbie

19) Politically Incorrect Barbie (Pull the string and she loudly blurts all your favorite racial slurs.)

20) Death Row Barbie (formerly #32)

21) Life Size Anatomically Correct Barbie (for all you perverts out there)

22) Grunge Barbie (with flannel shirt and a goatee)

23) Homeless Barbie (complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart)

24) Tattoo Barbie

25) Burn Victim Barbie (bandages and Bactine included)

26) Venus de Milo Barbie (made of rock; no head, no arms)

27) Bulemic Barbie (Feed her, then make her throw it back up!)

28) Cyberpunk Barbie (includes 'trodes and implants)

29) White Trash Barbie

30) KKK Barbie (see #29)

31) Tammy Fae Barbie (WAY too much makeup)

32) Serial Killer Barbie

33) Drag Queen Ken (Comes with three, count 'em, three, of Barbie's dresses.)

34) Cannibal Barbie (Great visual imagery, huh?)

35) Fast Food Barbie (Also known as McBarbie...you want fries with that?)

36) Teenage Slut Barbie (see #21)

37) Domestic Abuse Barbie (black eye)

38) Ski Bunny Barbie (soon to be #56)

39) Sucking Chest Wound Barbie

40) Alien Barbie (Don't tell ANYONE...)

41) Mafia Ken (With a violin case...you got a problem with that?)

42) Alcoholic Barbie

43) Mutant Barbie (Professor Xavier's daughter: bald as a billiard ball, wearing a Dark Phoenix costume)

44) Las Vegas Showgirl Barbie (with skimpy dress)

45) FemmiNazi Barbie (Pull the string and find out why men suck.)

46) Napoleon Ken (stands 2" tall)

47) Midget Barbie (partner to #46)

48) Ebola Barbie (Twelve hours after opening she'll be reduced to nothing.)

49) Spank-Me Barbie (see #36)

50) Shish-Ka-Barbie (Here's one we'd all like to see!)

51) Knocked-Up Barbie

52) Chain Smoker Barbie (with Surgeon General's warning on box)

53) Tough B*tch Barbie (see #15)

54) Junkie Barbie (Gotta love those needle tracks...)

55) Iron Maiden Barbie (not the band, the device)

56) Avalanche Barbie (buried in 16 feet of snow)

57) Hooker Barbie (#44 after the show)

58) Cross-Dressing Ken, er, Barbie, er, Ken (Who knows?)

59) Whoopie Cushion Barbie (Do you really need a description?)

60) LAPD Barbie (Comes with two nightsticks, in case one gets broken subduing a suspect. Taser also available.)

61) Microsoft Barbie (Barbie doll with Bill Gates' head. Seeks to eliminate all other dolls.)

62) Realistic Teenage Barbie (flat chest, braces, and acne)

63) Internet Addiction Barbie (Pale complexion, bloodshot eyes, and coffee-stained clothes. Pull the string and she either spouts URL's or mutters to herself.)

64) Breast Cancer Barbie (shaved head, hospital gown, one breast)

65) Tasmanian Barbie (spins like a top)

66) Siamese Twins Barbie

67) Edible Barbie (also known as Choc-O-Barbie)

68) Hockey Barbie (Looks like #37 with a hockey stick and missing teeth.)

69) Triple Bypass Barbie

70) Lance Ito Ken (with beard, robe, and entirely too much advertising)

71) Marsha Clark Barbie (with a bad haircut and a bad attitude)

72) Diarrhea Barbie (Always on the run.)

73) Kleptomaniac Barbie (with suction cup hands)

74) Barbie of Borg (You will buy one. Resistance is futile.)

75) Witch Doctor Barbie (see #34)

76) Elvira Barbie (with long black hair and skimpy black gown)

77) Werewolf Barbie (normal doll, except under a full moon)

78) Living Dead Barbie (use your imagination)

79) Bigfoot Barbie (sold mostly in the Northwest)

80) Cyclops Barbie (One eye, right in the middle of her forehead.)

81) Cyclops Ken (A perfect partner for #43.)

82) Flying Hero Barbie (Yes, I know they made this one, but it's at least as ludicrous as anything we came up with.)

83) Spock Ken (pointy ears, one eyebrow raised)

84) Hippie Barbie (complete with simulated controlled substances and paraphernalia)

85) Knifing Victim Barbie (Bears a striking resemblance to...oh, never mind.)

86) Head Trauma Barbie (I don't even want to talk about that one.)

87) Leprosy Barbie (with removable appendages)

88) Mortal Kombat Barbie (includes more blood than you can even imagine)

89) Iron Lung Barbie

90) Texas Necktie Barbie (with gallows)

91) Safari Barbie (With rifle, pith helmet, and pygmy guide.)

92) Steroid Barbie (The rest of her physique is as exaggerated as her bust is on the normal doll!)

93) Rock Climbing Barbie (#10 with climbing gear)

94) Militant Femminist Barbie (#45 with an assault rifle)

95) Paraplegic Barbie (Her legs don't move.)

96) Quadraplegic Barbie (Neither do her arms.)

97) Cadaver Barbie (removable internal organs)

98) Hunchback Barbie (Pull the string and she cries, "Sanctuary! Sanctuary!")

99) Nancy Kerrigan Barbie (Her knees bend backwards.)

100) Tonya Harding Barbie (You didn't think we'd sell one without the other, did you?)

101) Barbie Brain in a Jar (an empty jar!)

102) Circus Clown Barbie (Looks almost identical to #31.)

103) Human Cannonball Barbie (complete with spring-loaded cannon that will shoot her 15-20 feet.)

104) Lion Tamer Barbie (Lion is included. Barbie's head is not.)

105) Freak Show Barbie

106) Bearded Barbie

107) Elephant Trainer Barbie (squashed flat)

108) Bladder Control Barbie (comes with a free box of Depends undergarments)

109) Chernobyl Barbie (glows in the dark)

110) Jabba the Barbie

111) Princess Leia Barbie (Barbie with the hairdo from Star Wars)

112) Darth Vader Barbie (Plastic helmet; pull the string and she sounds like James Earl Jones.)

113) Wookie Barbie (obnoxious blonde hair everywhere)

114) Sharon Stone Barbie (Is there a difference?)

115) 'Arnold' Ken (big and buff, no neck)

116) Rush Limbarbie (Big, no neck, but not buff. See also #16.)

117) Godzilla Barbie (six foot tall lizard with Barbie head)

118) King Kong Barbie (six foot tall ape holding Barbie doll dressed like Fae Rae)

119) T2 Barbie (a study in silver)

120) Bugs Barbie (buck teeth, long ears)

121) Elmer Fudd Ken (bald with hunting hat and rifle)

122) Joker Barbie (with Joker grin and white face)

123) Two-Face Barbie (with Tommy Lee Jones' makeup from Batman Forever)

124) Dirty Harry Barbie (Comes with large caliber pistol; pull the string and she says, "Go ahead. >giggle< Make my day!")

125) Power Ranger Barbie (has the riculous outfit and karate-chop action)

126) Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbie

127) One-Eyed-Head-on-a-Spider-Made-from-an-Erector-Set-Barbie (just what it sounds like)

128) Potato(e) Head Barbie (also just what it sounds like)

129) Picasso Barbie (Everything's in the wrong place.)

130) Steamroller Barbie (looks a lot like #107)

131) Roadkill Barbie (looks like #130 but with tire tracks)

132) Tail Hook Barbie (naval uniform with a VERY short skirt)

133) Backdraft Ken (perfect partner for #25)

134) Stuntman Ken (comes with lots of Band-Aids)

135) Spear-through-the-Head-Barbie (formerly #91)

136) Bow-Legged Barbie (High Stepper not included.)

137) Amazon Barbie (complete with leopard skin outfit)

138) Shark Attack Barbie (Oh, must we describe everything for you?)

139) Stampede Barbie (We're not talking about the rodeo in Calgary here...)

140) Barbie-Got-Run-Over-by-a-Reindeer (an excellent Holiday gift idea)

141) Disco Barbie

142) Trailer Park Barbie (For the parent who wants to show their child what grown-up life is really going to be like.)

143) Hypothermia Barbie (formerly #56)

144) Battering Ram Barbie

145) Joan of Arc Barbie (comes with stake, kindling, and matches)

146) Rastafarian Barbie (She has dreadlocks and ganja, mon.)

147) Brickhouse Barbie (Built like a brick sh...well, you know.)

148) Medusa Barbie

149) Gangsta Barbie (complete set of Raiders apparel and rap cassette included)

150) Mafia Barbie (Feet set in cement--she really sinks!)

151) Statue of Liberty Barbie (tall, green, corroded)

152) Cartoon-style 'Hit-in-the-Head-with-a-Falling-Anvil' Barbie (see #128)

153) Barney Barbie (Bloated, plush, and purple; pull the string and she spouts inane drivel.)

154) Junkyard Barbie (A little like #23, but meaner.)

155) Cut-the-Lady-in-Half-Magic-Trick-that-Went-Wrong Barbie (see #152)

156) Banzai Barbie (a small tree cut into a shape that vaguely resembles Barbie)

157) Tree Hugger Barbie (Pull the string and she spouts environmentalist rhetoric.)

158) Ballistic Missile Barbie (like #103, but more so)

159) Saloon Barbie (with Old West Saloon girl outfit)

160) Green Giant Barbie

161) Tool Time Barbie (Includes tool belt, which she has no idea how to use.)

162) P.O.W. Barbie (undernourished, tortured, and shell-shocked)

163) Lumberjack Barbie (sleeps all night, works all day)

164) Blockhead Barbie (Barbie with Charlie Brown's head)

165) Organ Donor Barbie (Just like #97, but not necessarily dead yet.)

166) Jock Freak Barbie (Looks like Dennis Rodman.)

167) Sears Tower Window Washer Barbie (see #10)

168) Baler Barbie (Wrapped in twine; also known as Farm Accident Barbie.)

169) Oscar Meyer Barbie (Barbie on a bun!)

170) Easter Island Barbie (the famous statue with blonde hair)

171) Banjo Barbie (complete with straw hat and Earl Scruggs cassette)

172) Mick Jagger Barbie (Mick doll with Barbie's head [but Mick's lips])

173) Headgear Barbie (guaranteed to make kids with braces feel better)

174) Albino Barbie

175) Neon Deion Barbie (It costs $35 million, and you just know some idiot's going to buy it...)

176) Atlantean Barbie - lovingly called "The Barbie from the Black Lagoon." Comes complete with gill slits, scales, and webbed appendages. Great for scaring the hell out of Malibu Ken.

177) Street Fighter Barbie (soon to be Street Fighter II Barbie, then Super SF2 Barbie, then Super SF2 Turbo Barbie, then SF Alpha Barbie, then SF Alpha 2 Barbie... ad nasuem)

178) Value Jet Barbie - Slightly charred/melted Stewardess Barbie with real smoking hair!

179) Knight Sabre Barbie - High-heeled Power Armour included

180) Suicide Barbie Fun Set

181) UnaBarbie - Sold with "The Anarchist's Cookbook". Not available in California or Montana.

182) Wifeswapping Barbie - Ken's dream come true!

183) PMS/ESP Barbie - The b*tch that knows everything!

184) Tourette's Syndrome Barbie - You never know WHAT she'll say when you pull the string..."I like shopping, you $*#@%^&!!"
Co-Dependent Caretaker Ken and Total Embarrassment Skipper sold separately.

Bally Heck
29th Aug 2001, 20:01
185: Barbie gets divorced. (Too expensive for most people to buy as it comes complete with Ken's house, Ken's car etc. etc.)

29th Aug 2001, 20:11
185) BDSM Barbie - with torture Rack, chains, ropes, and whips.

29th Aug 2001, 20:39
Barbies of the 90's

New Barbie dolls to represent the diversity of women in the 90's:

DIVORCED BARBIE (comes with all of Ken's accessories)

TEENAGE SINGLE PARENT BARBIE ("welfare check" from Mattel mailed each month)

CRACK ADDICT BARBIE (pipe included, sugar may be used to simulate crack cocaine)

BOULEVARD BARBIE (with cheap makeup, short skirt, and high heels)

LESBIAN BARBIE (Barbie with a butch)

LIPSTICK LESBIAN BARBIE (actually no different in appearance from regular Barbie)

BULIMOREXIA BARBIE (also no different in appearance from regular Barbie)

BRUNETTE BARBIE (the only Barbie with a brain)


BOW-WOW BARBIE (the ugliest Barbie you've ever seen)

PUNK BARBIE (has rings in all sorts of strange places)

NAVY PILOT BARBIE (comes with a body bag, wrecked fighter jet sold separately)

BREAST IMPLANT BARBIE (now Barbie's a D-cup)

CANCER PATIENT BARBIE (remove the wig and Barbie's bald)

BLACK BARBIE (once your Ken doll goes black, he'll never go back)

FEMINIST BARBIE (has unshaved legs and armpits)

BATTERED WIFE BARBIE (comes with a restraining order to serve to Ken)

BARBIE BOBBIT (with knife, Ken had better watch out)

BARBIE BROWN SIMPSON (slashed neck and bloody body, carton of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough included)

BAG LADY BARBIE (Complete with shopping cart; wearing everything she owns.)

biggles mate
30th Aug 2001, 02:27
Columbian neck tie Barbie
(complete with knife and cocaine,and bad guys sold seperately) :D :D :eek:

30th Aug 2001, 05:23
So DD, you might not see them in the stores but will we find these in your bedroom cupboard?


30th Aug 2001, 08:21
Nose Stud Barbie

This one's actually for real, but Mattel withdrew her in 1999 after parental protests!

R O Tiree
3rd Sep 2001, 07:00
Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't Ken been "Bobbited" already?

5th Sep 2001, 18:38
Q: Why can't Ken get Barbie pregnant?

A: Ken comes in a different box.... :D

8th Sep 2001, 06:45
i thought that ken did
i always suspected the truth about barbie's "little sister" kelly :D