View Full Version : 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation

28th Aug 2001, 20:35
You mean there are some people who are not absolutely truthful in aviation - I'm truly shocked....................

1. I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
2. Me? I've never busted minimum’s.
3. We will be on time, maybe even early.
4. Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
5. I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
8. I'm a member of the mile high club.
9. I only need glasses for reading.
10. I broke out right at minimum’s.
11. The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
12. Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.
13. If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
14. I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in a Lear.
15. We shipped the part yesterday.
16. I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.
17. All you have to do is follow the book.
18. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
19. We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
20. Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
21. I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
22. No need to look that up, I've got it all memorised.
23. Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?
24. We'll be home by lunchtime.
25. Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
26. I'm always glad to see the FAA.
27. We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.
28. It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?
29. I thought YOU took care of that.
30. I've got the field in sight.
31. I've got the traffic in sight.
32. Of course I know where we are.
33. I'm SURE the gear was down.

You want it when?
28th Aug 2001, 20:42
Velvet you forgot....

34. Its always had that kink - standard design feature
35. Reseting the failed CB is the same as a full check - if it blows again then we'll look at it
36. Of course we can re-initialise the navigation without a fixed reference - I know where we are
37. Of course sir, a pillow straight away (thinks held over your face)
38. You mean Three Greens doesn't apply to the PAPI system?

28th Aug 2001, 20:47
And from your instructor on your first lesson
39: Wow, are you sure you haven't done this before? You're a natural!

gravity victim
28th Aug 2001, 21:06
"Flight No AB123 is boarding now at Gate 45."

28th Aug 2001, 23:27
"Sure ... I got protection, and I'll respect you in the morning ..." :D

Blue Boy
29th Aug 2001, 00:26
40. It's on the way!

Charlie Foxtrot India
29th Aug 2001, 07:13
41. Instructor to student: "you go ahead and check the aeroplane, I'll be with you in five minutes"
*puts kettle on*
42. Instructor to student 35 minutes later..."Yes yes I was just on my way"
43. Maintenance to ops manager: "It'll be back on line Friday lunch time"
44. Avionics to ops manager: "there's nothing wrong with that radio/transponder, it tested OK on the bench; it must be ATCs equipment that's faulty"

[ 29 August 2001: Message edited by: Charlie Foxtrot India ]

29th Aug 2001, 08:39
We're just getting the last bags onboard and will be departing in five minutes.

We're ready to go but ATC is holding us on the ground.

29th Aug 2001, 11:31
but No. 14 is Ronchonner?!? :)

29th Aug 2001, 15:58
Gee thanks AERBABE. And here was me thinking I was special.

Lon More
29th Aug 2001, 23:25
From ATC,"Expect higher with the next sector."
"Well clear on radar."
"Turbulence should stop in about (enter distance to sector boundary) n.m."
In the days before radar data was recorded, "Of course the traffic was five miles clear."
"You'll miss him in the turn."
And as an anonymous Ozmate said "Anything the Clacton Sector says." ;-)

[ 29 August 2001: Message edited by: Lon More ]

30th Aug 2001, 22:25
Often heard:

"London, to avoid weather, request a turn to the right by 20 degrees" Uncannily this would put the aircraft on a direct track to destination.

Also: "we apologise for the delay, this is due to ATC problems" yeah right.

And: "Visual"

31st Aug 2001, 22:45
irate pax to C/crew
"Yes I'm sure I pre ordered a vegetarian meal"

[ 31 August 2001: Message edited by: Aeropig1 ]

1st Sep 2001, 00:03
Take up the hold at Lambourne, delay is five minutes.

R O Tiree
3rd Sep 2001, 06:52
Tanker's airborne.....