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under_exposed
28th Aug 2001, 15:09
DOS Beer

Requires you to use your own can opener, and that you read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally came in an 8oz can, but now comes in a 16oz can. The can is divided into eight compartments of 2oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.


Mac Beer

At first came only in a 16oz can, but now comes in a 32oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" Beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.


Windows 3.1 Beer

The world's most popular Beer. Comes in a 16oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.


OS/2 Beer

Comes in a 32oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that the cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.


Windows 95 Beer

Only just out, Windows 95 Beer looks a lot like Mac Beer but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32oz cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16oz of Beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS Beer, even though the manufacturer claims this is an entirely new brew.


Windows NT Beer

Comes in 32oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refridgerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's. Touted as an "industrial strength" Beer, and suggested only for use in bars.


Risc OS Beer

A connoisseur's beer, brewed in England. Has more character than fizzy American beers, but doesn't sell well because it has a characteristic nutty taste. The 32oz cans stay cool without requiring a refrigerator. Kept in production by 'real ale' enthusiasts, Risc OS beer may soon become popular with Americans, although they won't realise they're drinking it.

Evo7
28th Aug 2001, 15:14
OK, I guess I'll have to add:

Linux beer: Brewed in Finland, it's twice as strong as Windows Beer and never gives you a headache. Best of all, it's free and fits easily in your old fridge.... :)

Feeton Terrafirma
28th Aug 2001, 17:54
Hmmm Evo7,

You forgot to mention, it allows you to drink DOS beer, Win95 Beer and Win 98 beer from within the Linux 32 Oz can. On top of this, you can drink it faster than NT beer and it's more robust in it's flavour. :D