View Full Version : If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

Evening Star
26th Aug 2001, 19:47
Just found this on the BBC News website [http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1507000/1507908.stm].

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.


Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Hagbard the Amateur
26th Aug 2001, 21:05
ROTFL!! :D :D :D

Could you imagine a Windows based ATC?

[ 26 August 2001: Message edited by: Hagbard the Amateur ]

27th Aug 2001, 06:50
Evening Star,

I saw this a few years back in a computer magazine and loved it, then lost the magazine! Have been looking for this since then, many thanks for tracking it down and posting it.

27th Aug 2001, 08:07
Warning. The aircraft has performed an illegal operation and will now crash.
:eek: :rolleyes: :eek:

27th Aug 2001, 14:35
You'll allways be able to tell a Windows based aircraft:

It's the one that lands, taxies on stand and then Starts the engines!

You'll also be able to tell who hasn't been following ADs because it won't Shutdown!

BTW: do Mac based ac still drop bombs when they're upset?

PPRuNe Dispatcher
27th Aug 2001, 17:50
UNIX/Linux Airways : The aircraft can stay up for months at a time :D

Carpet Rodent
27th Aug 2001, 22:05
I thought they already did :eek: There's the Play-station II (oops, sorry... Airbus-300 Series) :D

28th Aug 2001, 03:09
Warning, this aircraft is a shareware version. To continue flying please call your supplier to purchase the full working model.

Hagbard the Amateur
28th Aug 2001, 03:20
Your A320 has just been Back Orificed by the XXX hacking crew. We've recorded all your keystrokes and are playing them back in a different order along with a few new ones - happy landings!!

29th Aug 2001, 17:27
UNIX: Runs forever but does have to be GREPed quitre often.... :D

29th Aug 2001, 18:05
illegal operation (http://www.turbofan.bestaviationsites.com/images/illegal_operation.jpg)

honeywell (http://www.turbofan.bestaviationsites.com/images/honeywell.jpg)

Rallye Driver
31st Aug 2001, 20:40
Captain's last words recorded on the black box:

"Why did it do that?" :eek: :eek:


Feeton Terrafirma
1st Sep 2001, 14:06
Bill Gates, looking to expand his empire is devloping a new OS, Windair. Here are it's design characteristics:

* For no reason whatsoever, your planes avionics would crash twice a day.
* Every time they repainted the lines on the runway threshhold, you would have to buy new avionics for your plane.
* Occasionally your planes avionics would die in cruise for no reason, and you would just accept this, reset the CB, pull up and fly on.
* Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your planes avionics to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to land by the seat of your pants and reinstall the avionics before flying again.
* Only one person at a time could fly the plane, unless you bought "Windair95" or "WnidairNT." But then you would have to buy more left hand seats.
* Macintosh would make a complete plane that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to fly, but would only carry five percent of the load.
* All those confusing warning lights and buzzers would be replaced by a single GPF or "general plane fault" warning light.
* New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
* The stall warning system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
* Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your plane would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grab hold of the radio antenna.
* Every time Windair introduced a new version, pilots would have to learn how to fly all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old plane.
* You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

1st Sep 2001, 16:12
You all forgot OS/2 airlines, not surprisingly as it never got off the ground at all.

2nd Sep 2001, 07:44
RISC OS Air, gets there more efficiently using less power. Doesn't like to tell people, so only flown by the knowledgeable few.

16th Oct 2001, 13:01
You seem to have forgotten the variants of Windows put out by Bill's crowd.
I suspect that most of you know the "ordinary" version of WIndows, but have you seen the Korean version? You click on an icon, all the other icons move together and huddle for a while, and then one of them opens up (not usually the one you clicked on)