View Full Version : Things I did not know about America

11th Dec 2001, 21:26
I just received this and it made me think - The following is a list of things that I did not know until I saw "Independence Day":

o It is reasonable to assume that the quality of the training of United States Marine Corps pilots is such that any Marine fly boy could hop into an alien spacecraft and immediately be able to fly it into deep space

o The White House press secretary has a listed phone number

o When stuck in a tunnel and faced with Armageddon in the form of a fireball that is capable of obliterating all life in Los Angeles, simply duck into a maintenance closet and let the end of the world pass you by

o Despite the fact that we are able to send a fax from a beeper on our hip while walking down a street in San Francisco to a Range Rover in Johannesburg, alien spacecraft need to be hardwired to a satellite to speak
to each other

o High class strippers with a heart of gold can operate most heavy equipment

o It is not beyond the realm of imagination that the President of the United States would be a fighter jock and would be willing to return to active duty to do battle with invincible alien bad guys

o Alien spacecraft the size of Australia can be taken out with one well-placed sidewinder missile

o Most laptops are configured with interfaces powerful enough to override
the communications systems of the most sophisticated futuristic societies

o Despite the fact that they wear biomechanical body armor that can only be
removed with a scalpel and the fact that they possess hyper-developed brains that allow them to destroy their enemies simply by thinking about it, alien fighter pilots have a glass jaw and can be knocked unconscious for hours with one punch

o If you are a woman who:
1)survives a blast from an alien spacecraft that wipes out Los Angeles
2)lives through the ensuing helicopter crash
3)survives while buried by rubble
4)survives despite being transported by open backed diesel truck across the
worst terrain ever created...do not check into a military hospital with the
best medical help money can buy because YOU WILL DIE

o Despite the fact that no living person, even on a clear day with a map and two state troopers providing an escort, can negotiate the Los Angeles freeway system without getting lost, nearly-blown-up women can drive through the shattered ruins of a decimated Los Angeles straight to El Toro

o When you crash an alien spacecraft into the high desert because you were hurtled back through the earth's atmosphere by an atomic blast you set off, the fact that you do not have a parachute or any other visible means of slowing your fall does not mean that you should not walk away from the
wreckage completely unscathed and straight into your girl's arms

o The standard trip home from space, when assisted by an atomic blast, lasts approximately two to three pulls on a cigar

o Although aliens possess technological capabilities millions of years beyond our own that enables them to embed secret codes in our satellite network, they can be stymied by Morse Code, which is generally printed on the front panel of a child's walkie talkie

o The most sophisticated labs in the world have impenetrable vault doors buried 30 stories into mountains but use regular hardware store glass panes for observation rooms in the lab nerve center

o Although aliens possess tentacles dexterous enough to manipulate human vocal cords from outside the throat when the need to speak strikes them, they can not open a door for themselves

o The correct military honor for a hero who saves the world by sacrificing his own life by flying directly into the alien death ray is to clap and cheer wildly in front of the hero's family immediately after he perishes

o Any vehicle, including clunkers, can make the trip down from Manhattan to Washington D.C. in just a few hours in gridlocked end-of-the-world type traffic

11th Dec 2001, 22:47
Not only that, but when you give the speech before the mother of all battles, you have to nick Henry V`s pre Agincourt number.

11th Dec 2001, 22:56
>>Despite the fact that no living person, even on a clear day with a map and two state troopers providing an escort, can negotiate the Los Angeles freeway system without getting lost, nearly-blown-up women can drive through the shattered ruins of a decimated Los Angeles straight to El Toro<<

El Toro is super easy to get to from LA. Both the 405, and the 5 take you there, and finding those freeways as super easy from anywhere in LA.

[ 11 December 2001: Message edited by: Iain ]

12th Dec 2001, 00:16
Gee, V.,

Ya mean no one besides the U.S. requires alien spaceship qualifications for ATP's?!?

henry crun
12th Dec 2001, 08:09
In addition to all the above here is something else I didn't know about America,
they don't have to leave the road to go fishing.

12th Dec 2001, 08:55
George dubbya Bush flew military jets with the Air National Guard (Texas).

Feel more secure now?

Margaret Thatcher
12th Dec 2001, 12:40
GB actually flew an airplane ??

My self worth has just plummeted. ;)

13th Dec 2001, 06:26
just wondering , seeing as it is a mathematical certainty that there are other inteligent forms of life out there , and its only a matter of time before SETI strikes gold ....do you think those that know/find out will tell the rest of the plannet ??....how would that go down with the masses ?...would we try to capture/shoot down any "visitors" , do you think the way we think and behave towards each other (war/plunder..etc) would change on reciept of such news , or are we likely to go the hollywood way....ie..lets nuke 'em boys.


13th Dec 2001, 06:40
Hey guys, On one thread we have a canadian/british contingent claiming credit for every invention known to man. Now you guys are trying to asail us based on some stupid movie. What did we ever do to you except kick your ass in 1776 and 1812 :-).....Just kidding

13th Dec 2001, 07:11
Margaret, yes, he most certainly did! (sorry about your self-worth ;) )

George W. Bush flew F-102s in the 111th Fighter Squadron at Ellington Field (Houston, TX) many years ago. As Rainbow said, that squadron is part of the Texas Air National Guard. It was a Fighter Interceptor Squadron at the time, and had, as part of its Air Defense role, a mission to intercept and/or escort aircraft.

Talk about full-circle: On 9/11, that squadron was one of the units tasked to escort him while he was on Air Force One.

13th Dec 2001, 07:28
Xdash8thrasher, it is doubtful a SETI discovery could be kept secret. It would be a news event second only to the Big Bang.

Governments have had difficulty keeping grubby little secrets like plumber burglaries, ministerial sex scandals and not inhaling. News of Seti success would be just too enormous to bury.

An IWT (Interstellar Wireless & Telegraphs Co.) message from Andromeda beta begging us to stop with the 'I Love Lucy' transmissions would soon be news flashed around the globe. And I expect, enjoy sympathetic consideration.

Unless of course it has all happened already and we have just not been told about it.

[ 13 December 2001: Message edited by: rainbow ]

before landing check list
13th Dec 2001, 18:40
Velvet, I see you are AGAIN raising your ugly head bad-mouthing this country. In case you have not noticed a lot of thing are going on and dessention from you and your kind are not appropriate. You seem to be very good at the cheap shot bit and I wish you would shut the hell up till you have something good to say. course THAT may be a long time.(which can be a good thing)

The Nr Fairy
13th Dec 2001, 18:48
blcl :

I think you should rename yourself to "Sense of Humour Failure Checklist".

Out of 11 responses so far to this thread, I reckon all have thought it worthy of a chuckle at least.

Only thing to do in such "interesting" times is laugh at those who would drag us down - and no, I don't mean Velvet.

13th Dec 2001, 18:50
Good Morning BLCList hey man take it easy, the thread is a joke, Velvet is poking fun at a stupid movie that posits some very improbable scenarios. She has also put up some hysterically funny and/or heartfelt threads in other forums. If you want to take a swing at some real anti-american opinions scroll the Opinions and News forum. There is plenty of material there. Remember the Brits know whats going on, they've been by our side since the get-go so chill

13th Dec 2001, 18:52
Hi McD
I'm hesitant to appear side-tracking Velvet's thread but you as a Texan are in a position to throw some light for the rest of us with regard to George W Bush.

I must say that initially with GWB's appointment as President I had extreme doubts with regard to his capability for the position.

Yet, as the months roll on, before, through and after Sept 11, I am increasingling more impressed and more supportive of your President.

A little research revealed he was an F102 jock; his brother was/is Governor of Florida and his dad, I understand, was a past President. Where do you get families like that?

(Let alone the fact that George W was Governor of Texas himself: A state with about the population of my entire country.)

In short, McD, what's the feeling at home in America with regard to George's leadership as your President and his administration particularly in regard to the current world situation?


13th Dec 2001, 19:13
Good Morning Rainbow, I understand that your question was posed to McD, but this is a party line so read or ignore my observations as you wish. First; GWB's administration specifically Cheney, Powell, Rumsfeld, and Rice are often referred to as the "Dream Team" Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, pretty much describes their collective experiance.

My sense is that before 9-11 the liberal media urged on by the previous administration, democratic party at large and Hollywood (see Barbara Streisand)challenged everything GWB did or laughed at it. Now the feeling in grassroots America is "he's the man with the plan, so listen up or shut up" Barbara S. has been pretty quiet lately.

Thanks for letting me shoot my mouth off.

14th Dec 2001, 00:51
For a certain humourless, pompous American :D

For your information that was sent to me by one of my closest friends - An American - she thought I would find it amusing, as she did - I did. It's not my opinion of Americans - it's not even real - it's just a lighthearted reflection of how Hollywood portrayed a view of America.

14th Dec 2001, 02:18
Velvet -

As a native Texan, and therefore an American by Law, let me offer you a heartfelt apology for the words from a (singular) "certain humorless, pompous American".

I know you are made of strong stuff, and can handle your own, but I just could not let one of the "sweethearts" of JB have such abuse piled on without speeaking up.

Ugly?? Obviously this person, to whom we refer, does not read any of the fabled "stories" here in JB. If he did he would know that the woman who is usually lusted after resembles a certain velvet Lady.

dAAvid -

14th Dec 2001, 02:34
Maybe BLCL thinks that they aren't movies, but in fact documentaries?

14th Dec 2001, 02:56
BLCL - you might like to perform another checklist - which is out of which orifice you are speaking. :D