View Full Version : Terminology - a rose by any other name?

9th Dec 2001, 14:21
These just in by e-mail from a friend in Canada :-

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are runover by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

Anyone got any more?

[ 09 December 2001: Message edited by: OzExpat ]

Bally Heck
9th Dec 2001, 16:11
It is a sad reflection on the appaling state of the British health service that not only do we not have proctologists. The word isn't even in the Concise Oxford Ditionary!!

It's not as if there are not enough @rseholes around :(

I suppose if a famous British proctologist was elevated to the House of Lords, He would become the Lord of the Rings

I feel a letter to the president coming on. :p

11th Dec 2001, 11:55
As an aside, your mention of proctologists reminded me of something my (US) doctor told me a couple of weeks ago:

Surgeons do the job because they like the sight of blood
Urologists do it because they like the sight of p!ss
Proctologists; because they like to wallow in sh!t
and Gynaecologists like the sight of every bodily fluid

Incidentally - did you hear about the gynaecologist who tried to wallpaper his hall through his letterbox?

"Nice day at the orifice, dear?" ... "Things are looking up"

[ 11 December 2001: Message edited by: sanjosebaz ]

DX Wombat
13th Dec 2001, 03:16
Condominium: a contraceptive made from metal and applied with force by your girlfriend's father

Tarmac: Scottish gratitude :D :D :D