Performance Indicators

[Phoney Tony]

Your Stn Cdr will be attempting to deliver Performance Indicators (PI) as directed by their Airships.

What PIs would you like your stn cdr deliver?

Some of mine would include:

Have all YOUR personel had their full leave entitlement.

If not why.

What have YOU done to ensure they get their full entitlement.

How many of YOUR personnel are fit to complete their given task.

In terms of appropriate training, kitting and leadership.

[The Nr Fairy]

Is this a future entry on the "I Wish I Hadn't Said That . . ." thread ?

[Chinese Vic]

How about "Have any of your aircrew or ops staff not not been deployed at a rate above harmony guidelines?"

[Ali Barber]

How about "how many people did you kill this year?" after all, that's the business we're in. I hate this business speak in the miltary. Rant over, going to take my medication.

[I_stood_in_the_door]

what are 'harmomy guidelines'? dreamed up by the same wit who enforced operational readiness cycles no doubt!

[Gainesy]

:)
Thanks Ali, do you know how hard it is to remove tea from a keyboard?:ok:

[whowhenwhy]

Ahhhh, but what about output deliverables chaps? Can't forget those all important little fellas:ugh:

[FJJP]

I once had a Boss who hated pomposity. If he received documents littered with big words designed to impress, he would cover it with red ink, crossing out the big (sometimes obscure) words and write in an alternative that was readily recognisable. Then he would send it to the originator, unactioned, requesting a rewrite in English that he could understand. And it didn't matter who the original writer was.

If it came from Group or Command, he would often send a copy to the originators boss for info. He often took the biggest pains down a peg or 2; one particular a******e of a Gp Capt at Strike used to blow a fuse at him, threatening him with the wrath of the CinC if he did not reply immediately, supplying the information required. It made no difference to the Boss - I got the impression that the hierarchy secretly enjoyed his antics!

He actually did succeed with many individuals - he was a one man plain English campaign. It didn't do him any harm - he ended up a 2-star.

Wish there were more like him, to cut through all this new busines speak crap that has crept across the pond from our American cousins. Interestingly enough, there is a growing trend in business to get away from all this flashy and meaningless terminology...

[BEagle]

Ah - but what fun you can have inventing words which sound as though they should mean something:

'Logorrhoea' (actually does exist!) - 'Talks too much'. Used this one about a co-pilot who never stopped talking in flight. He's now with Virgin Atlantic.

'Porcovolant' (I made it up) - Unlikely. As in 'pigs will fly first'. As in 'To anticipate an earlier IOS for this ac would be somewhat porcovolant'

The squirerarchy are usually too arrogant to admit they haven't any idea what such words mean. But for true sport, and a tactic I used against the thoroughly pompous 'Thrombo' was to use pseudo-Latin. Thrombo (nicknamed that from his time in the Malvinas when he kept visiting various sections and annoying them - hence 'Thrombo' as in 'wandering clot') loved his 'inter alia' etc. So a few 'His verbis dictis', 'Ob has causas', 'Nihil ad rem' sprinkled into stuff he was going to read used to be good wind-up material!

But this 'blue water thinking', 'pivotal requirement' and the pseudo-business speak..:yuk:

[PlasticCabDriver]

My current favorites:

Administrivia (self explanatory).

Adminomafia (agian self explanatory!).

Adminisphere (that layer of bureaucracy and adminostrivia that surrounds everything and anything and ensures nothing gets out or happens without the knowledge of the adminomafia.

[Ali Barber]

My favourite: "Onageristic Estimate"

Onager is an animal related to the donkey/horse. Dictionary describes it as a wild-ass or half-ass, therefore, onageristic estimate = wild-ass guess or half-ass guess.

I know for a fact that ACAS Ops in MOD used it twice in letters he signed (tee hee). Had to do something to keep you sane while in the funny farm.:ok:

[BEagle]

Sure that wasn't 'Onanistic response'? Which means the sort of answer you'd expect from an onanist (correct term for.....w@nker!)

Interestingly, the German word 'Wichsen' means the same thing. Pronounced 'Vixen'. So no wonder our boxhead chums in the Kriegsm...sorry, I mean Bundesmarine used to pee themselves about our FAA pilots who flew the Sea Vixen!

[Mr C Hinecap]

Ali - ssshsshhhhhhhh. Don't tell 'em all!

I've been using that for years and getting sage nods of agreement from many a senior bod. Was taught it years ago - can't remember the rest of the lesson, but that bit stuck.

How about explaining the late arrival of work was due to having to use some 'cognitive dissonance' (sp) on it. Means you got someone else to check it!

Bull$hit baffles brains.

Recent offenders include:

HQSTC faves - 'The wolf closest to the sledge' and 'The alligator nearest the canoe'.

Overarching & underpinning are still used frequently.

Ar$e.