View Full Version : Wedding Speech for a Pilot

spitfire mk1
29th Sep 2003, 00:12
Hi, anyone have any suggestions for my speech as the best man for a wedding in a few weeks time? The groom is a pilot who is marrying a hostie. I will now sit back and await the storm....
PS I am also from an aviation background (not a pilot).
Inspiration please guys.

29th Sep 2003, 02:25
It is mandatory that the word cockpit is used as a double entendre and/or reference to the bride.

The best man's speech is the one occasion when it can be used without any recriminations of sexism.


surely not
29th Sep 2003, 02:34
Mention could also be made as to whether he pushes buttons or twiddles with switches for a living, i.e. old or modern cockpit.

29th Sep 2003, 02:43
And of course the joystick.

And the fact that he volunteered to switch from the MD11 to the Electra because four slow screws beat three quick blow jobs.

The old gag about leaving the cabin address mike open is probably too well known.

Also suggest that he limits his family to three, as every fourth child born in the world is Chinese.

Tell them that he asked the vicar if sex before marriage was allowed, and the vicar replied, "if you must, but don't keep the organist waiting"

surely not
29th Sep 2003, 02:55
Perhaps mention could be made for him to fly VFR on the wedding night and not have someone from ATC vectoring him in to touch down

spitfire mk1
29th Sep 2003, 02:57
Great start, thanks to all. One-liners are appreciated and perhaps I can compile my whole speech from your contributions. The only decent one I can think of is when the Captain said to the hostie in the hotel lobby 'Since I first laid eyes on you I've wanted to make love to you really badly'. 'Well' she replies 'you succeeded!!' :{

30th Sep 2003, 06:38
raptor - don't follow the chinese joke, am I missing something?

30th Sep 2003, 07:21
It's 'cause you're thinking too hard...

See, the joke implies that 25% of the world's population is Chinese. Therefore, one in every four children born (as a general rule) is Chinese. Therefore, you should stop at three, lest you have number four, which would, statically, be Chinese. It's like... a play on words. A "joke" if you will. See, it is unlikely that the fourth child would actually be Chinese (unless it was born in China or one or both parents were Chinese). The joke assumes that the child would NOT be born in China and that neither parent IS Chinese.

Now, a foolish pilot may assume that because one in four children born in the world is Chinese, that means that his number four will be Chinese. That's where the humor part comes from.

Other pilots need to take you to the pub for some recurrent. It's not too late.


30th Sep 2003, 07:27
Not flying-related, but I like this one which I nicked for a best man's speech:

"many of you will not know that (state name) is into drag racing. Now, you may not think that's much, but have you ever tried to jump hurdles in a cocktail dress...?"


30th Sep 2003, 08:08
This aviation wedding could bring a whole new meaning to "slot times"?

Honeymoon in the mountains? Would she check "cabin secure"?

Don't forget to point out where the exits are before starting the speech. Remember, there may be one behind you.

Do they both have wedding rings for each other? Do they have the correct one? Cross checked and verified?

Ooh, err, missus!!

bugg smasher
30th Sep 2003, 09:10
She applied to work for Virgin, but...

spitfire mk1
30th Sep 2003, 11:01
Working on the speech now....Knowing my luck I will greet the first lady at the church with 'Are you a friend of the Groom?' with the reply ' Certainly not! I am the Bride's Mother!' Keep 'em coming! There will be quite a few pilots in attendance, so I am sure they will appreciate any PPRuNe ideas!! Thanks.:ok:

Anthony Carn
30th Sep 2003, 13:27
Perhaps a reference to a Virgin with a tight slot ? :rolleyes:

Though if the bride is a hostie........sorry Cabin Crew (forgetting my CRM training there).........I suspect that the Virgin bit is incredibly unlikely.

Other phrases (parentheses info for the non-aviation types),.....going down (descending), fast erection (gyro instruments), flaps (not you flaps), red knobs (?), big knobs, strangely shaped knobs, turning things on, getting it up (take off), loves playing with t!ts and knobs, entry from the front, entry from the rear, using the emergency door etc etc--- there's loads.

30th Sep 2003, 17:52
If there is a military background you could include some reference to:

After a LIGHTNING romance......
Honeymoon in CANBERRA....
a PHANTOM pregancy......
didn't stand a GNAT's chance in hell......
came from BELFAST......
needed the strrength of HERCULES.....
his HUNTER instinct.......
a METEORic rise in status.......
the guile of a VAMPIRE.....
sailed the seven seas like a BUCCANEER in search of.......
ended as the VICTOR........
SEAKING her here and there.....
the Countess of WESSEX sends her best wishes to the happy couple....

and other such phrases entwined into the speech

1st Oct 2003, 01:00
This was posted on another thread recently. It has been around for many years - I borrowed it for my wings graduation speech in the RAF:

Written by an anonymous 8 year oldÖ

I want to be a pilot

ďI want to be a pilot when I grow upÖ because itís a fun job and easy to do. Thatís why there are so many pilots flying today. Pilots donít need much school, they must learn numbers so they can read instruments. Pilots should be brave so that they wonít be scared if itís foggy and they canít see, or if a wing or motor falls off they should stay calm so theyíll know what to do. Pilots have to have good eyes to see through clouds and they canít be afraid of lightning or thunder because theyíre closer to them than we are. The salary pilots make is another think I like. They make more money than they can spend. This is because most people think plane flying is dangerous except pilots donít, because they know how easy it is. There isnít much I donít like, except girls like pilots and all the stewardesses want to marry pilots so they always have to chase them away so they donít bother them. I hope I donít get air sick because I get car sick and if I get air sick I couldnít be a pilot, then Iíd have to go to work.

the silk one
1st Oct 2003, 03:52
Three words of advice: DON'T DO IT