Help required for "MRS" VICE

[Mightycrewseven]

Calling all those unfortunate soules who have been subjected to Mr Vice duties.

'err-in-dores' is looking for Vice material to deliver at her B of B dining in night. Any ideas or suggestions on what can best be delivered by a female (fnar fnar) on this occassion.

She is a 28yo Plt Off and is :mad: herself!!

Many thanks.

MC7

[SirPeterHardingsLovechild]

For starters, no pun intended, there was a thread on Mess Graces

Click Here for "Mess Graces" (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=81297)

Edit ... Is this what you wanted? McD

[Ali Barber]

I thought Mr (or Ms) Vice just repeated the toasts to the Queen, heads of state, etc, then took over the top table with his/her mates when the high priced help had left and hoovered whatever booze was left.

[TAC Queen]

How about a cup of tea.

:ok:

[MightyGem]

Where I come from, once the top table has retired, Mr/Mrs/Miss Vice is expected to entertain the mess with a joke or three. :ok:

[Runaway Gun]

Back Down Under 'Da Vice' job also includes entertaining the crowd for a few minutes (say... 10), so that the top table can make it to the toilet, smoke a cigar and beat everyone to the bar. In those ten minutes Vice normally fines people the odd jug of port for inappropriate behaivour during the dining in (and sorry- I'm no great judge on this), and will make them tell a joke, sing a song, or something worse! Notes passed to Mr Vice during the night are also a great source of dirt on fellow mess members. Fine the loud ones who cannot wait to leave, and don't leave them locked in too long or you will suffer a 'countrification'..... ;)

[Cattivo]

MC7

There must be something in your repertoire she can use mate! How about the 'diving into the pool' warm-up gag?

[Fox3snapshot]

Mr/MRS Vice has to have the biggest Cuban "stogey" in the house, topped off by a barrell of wine and a bucket of wit!

:E

[Busta]

Stay sober enough to repeat to repeat the words of the president " her Manjesty the Quoon " etc, get a taste for madeira, the port's usually gone by then.

Nothing matters very much, most things don't matter at all.

[RRAAMJET]

Ms "Vice" and a large Cuban stogie....hmmm

Brings up images of the Oval Office a few years back...:E

[Fox3snapshot]

Better make it a pipe then...ouch!

:\

[2port]

Anyone at the dining-in one long hot summer evening when the call from the top table of

"Mr Vice - the windows"

was responded in kind

"Ladies and gentleman - the windows"

or is that just folklore????

[Mr C Hinecap]

Sorry to be a miserable get here, but..........

check with the PMC etc as to what is expected. Some messes are now contract and the cost of staff after midnight is prohibitive. I have been curtailed as Mr V in a number of messes due to this restriction. Often best to just take the Top Table, tell a crap joke, tell a good joke and announce 'To the Bar'. This should give the VIPs time to have got their 1st drink from the bar and get clear of the masses.

It would be good to speak to any other old stagers about known japes and anything that Mr V 'does' in that mess in particular. My 1st as Mr V was the same night some new silver was introduced - a quaiche (sp?) - complete with full bottle of malt to be drunk from it. Hurrah!
Too much of the fines thing makes you look like a t!t.
Enjoy it tho - not a chore - an honour - especially as a Plt Off!

Ciao.

[Mightycrewseven]

Thanx for all inputs

Mrs Vice improvised and pulled off a beauty.

She fined 'offenders', throughout the meal, a bottle of port each for various mess sins.

When it came to her top table take over she produced and distributed vast amounts of plasticine and instigated an 'airplane modelling competition' during which she told clean and obscene jokes and then handed back port as prizes.

For some reason everyone loved it!!! No aircrew present though, they were all blunties.

MORAL: There is a secret pilot-wannabe in every bluntie! :E


M7:ok: