Humours Cabin Announcements - EasyJet - Nice/Luton 3rd September

[You want it when?]

Had to laugh yesteday, we were on EasyJet 2504 (?) a 737 landing at Luton 15:15ish from Nice. It came in slightly hard (but still better than any of my landings) and uses most of the runway to stop.

As we taxi'd back to the terminal the cabin announcement started with... "For those unaware we have now landed...." and went on about not unstrapping in case they had to stop suddenly "and we would like to arrive at the terminal before the passengers"

Top marks for humour. I guess you had to be there.

[Globaliser]

QF cabin crew don't cut their tech crew much slack at times like this either. "For any passengers who remain in doubt, we have now arrived in Sydney ..."

[TightSlot]

One of the bits of advice that I pass on to new hire Cabin Crew is never, ever, to pass a comment about a landing to passengers or to pilots. Even if pilots mention it themselves, it pays to tread carefully. Pilots can be sensitive to comments passed, and we are not really in a position to judge the quality - best avoided in my experience - some ej crew are living dangerously.

[PAXboy]

That reminds me of my favourite arrival announcement ever.

On EZY, arriving in EDI late one evening. I guess the FA was on the last sector of the day and had been shuttling up and down the UK all afternoon and evening.

As we taxied in: Good Evening and welcome to ... Pause ... Pause and it was obvious that the poor thing had completely lost track of where she was, it was not a joke! All the pax chorused together EDINBURGH!! :O

[Avman]

The PA mentioned by YWIW? is not that original. I heard it years ago on PSA (now extinct) and more recently on Southwest and Jetblue. Many European FAs travel in the USA and I guess that's where they pick up these "funnies". Personally I find it harmless humour which generally gets the passengers' attention. TightSlot is getting his/her knickers in a twist. If you want to get serious then I don't see any direct reference to the quality of the pilot's landing in the statement concerned. It's a fair statement. Interpret it as you wish.

[TightSlot]

Avman no knickers in a twist here - don't wear them! Just a friendly piece of advice, from experience, nothing more - by all means disregard it.

:O

[Gertrude the Wombat]

As we taxied in: Good Evening and welcome to ... Pause ... Pause and it was obvious that the poor thing had completely lost track of where she was, it was not a joke! On arrival at Stansted once (Air UK from Edinburgh, last flight on a Friday, obviously full of tired people going home after a day's/week's work, weather the usual gloomy drizzle) the announcement was "Welcome to Honolulu".

[Final 3 Greens]

Air UK always had a good sense of humour. RIP.

[ExSimGuy]

Reminds me of the announcement, I believe it was attributed to US Scareways, as the aircraft left the runway to taxi, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until we come to a stop - no passenger has ever made it to the terminal before the aircraft"
(Oh - I just love those colours :}

[You want it when?]

Avman - No chance then that the EasyJet chap might have thought of it himself then? I picture hordes of FAs copying announcements like Grafitti artists copy Nigels Rees books.

However, agreed though if the pilot wants to bounce the aircarft to the terminal then no shame came come of pointing a finger and laughing.


Edit - Ohh and Ex SimGuy - Nice colours...

[PAXboy]

Many years ago, in a land in the Southern hemisphere ... there was a 732 on a late afternoon 90 min sector and it was clear that they had a new girl in the cabin crew.

The flight crew decided to play one of the oldest tricks on her... there she is in the middle of The Dance, with her senior doing the words. "Pull the oxygen mask towards you, place it over your nose and mouth and breath normally." At this moment, someone up front (who has been listening) pushes the P/A (which overrides all other inputs, of course) and breathes heavily as one might down a telephone. The poor young thing went a beautiful shade of red. :p

[Xeque]

Many years ago I was a pax on a DHA/LHR 747. We made a Cat 3 approach and landed very heavilly - quite teeth rattling in fact.

There was a pause and then "Captain speaking. Umm ... It wasn't me!"

He timed the pause nicely then, as the nervous laughter faded, explained that it had been some sort of computer error that had dumped us the last 18 inches or so onto the tarmac.

I'm all for flight crew levity. It seems to me that they are (sometimes) a bit too poe faced and worried about PR.

Who or what was it that used to advise that "Laughter was the best medicine"?

[Jordan D]

"Laughter was the best medicine"?

I think it was Reader's Digest!! ;)

Jordan

[bmibaby.com]

I have always wanted to use a humorous cabin announcement however at bmibaby and bmi regional they tell us to keep exactly to the "script". lol! no ad-libbing here!

[Flying Boat]

My favorite 2:

1, BA EDI-BHX, pre-flight safety announcement;
...in the event of landing on water..PRAY!

2, LIAT Antigua-St Kitts, just airborne;
"Ladies & Gentlemen, we apologise for the late running of this Dash8 service to St Kitts & St Martin. The reason for this delay was that the aeroplane was broken. This aeroplane was also broken, so we fix him quickly for this service. Enjoy your flight."
Later after a heavy landing in St Kitts when you could feel the metal frame of the seat through your pelvis, "Ladies & Gentlemen, as you may have noticed, we have now arrived in St. Kitts!"

FB

[CrashDive]

( some years ago ) on a rather dark, wet and windy night, I managed to truly 'plant' one of GoFly's B737's very firmly onto rwy 05 at STN ( to the extent that even I was jolted awake ! )

Well, when things don’t go to plan, there's no point being shy coming forwards and so.... click ... "Ladies and Gentlemen, there's nothing I can say to cover up the fact that, as I'm sure you are all aware, that was a crap landing !"...... which was immediately followed by howls of laughter and various lauded comments from behind the flightdeck door, and all followed by much bon ami and repertoire between passengers and cabin crew – great stuff.

Honesty and humour might I recommend it to the house !

[GwynM]

on the Easyjet day trip to ABZ this week

redeye up: "please note that there are smoke detectors in the toilets...anyone found smoking will be slapped around a bit and then thrown off"

nightflight back: "we will be dimming the cabin lights for takeoff...it may be romantic, but keep your hands to yourself"

for some reason I almost enjoy flying Easyjet, BA is just a drag.

something else I heard "the only thing that's orange on our cabin crew is the uniform"

keep it up, and don't become po faced like BA

[maxman]

Xeque.
"laughter is the best medicine". Unless you are a diabetic, in which case insulin is probably the best medicine.

Sorry, i'll get me coat and go back to Jet Blast.:D

[truncheon meat]

On a Britannia (might even have been good old Dan Dair) Military charter flight from Gibraltar, all the navy personnel were up an out of their seats as soon as the aircraft hit the runway at Luton (six months of absence from the wife does things to the hormones!). The cabin crew had trouble getting people into their seats for the taxi to the gate.

From the cockpit PA

"Would all passengers please sit back down as I am having trouble seeing in my rear view mirror"

Typical matelots, they all sat down!:D :D

[Red Snake]

About 10 years ago, I flew from San Francisco up to Santa Rosa in a United Express J31. The landing was very hard & even before we'd left the runway, from the flight deck PA "Take that, runway!"

[SLF3]

BA London to Rome, some years ago. Push back from stand. Italian lady runs down the aisle and starts hammering on the cockpit door, screaming in Italian that she wants to get off. It becomes apparent that the cabin crew don't speak much Italian. Some Italians get up and start 'helping' with the translation. Bedlam. The plane stops. Man with stripes on sleeve appears at the door. Door closes. Then the announcement:

'Ladies and Gentlemen. There will now follow a short delay while we try to establish why this lady does not wish to fly with the World's Favourite Airline'.

Downside: remote parking stand, bomb squad, two hour delay, got to FCO after the last train.

[madtrap]

A few years ago a colleague reported the following on an Air Canada DC-9 arriving, heavily, in Toronto.

During the taxi in, the Captain came on the PA and said:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to report that the First Officer was responsible for that landing."
pause
"But I can't, it was me."
He then went on to apologize and express his hopes that he hadn't given anyone a fright.
(I would have liked to have seen the F/O's face after the first bit)

I agree with the supporters of the concept. A little levity will help diffuse the various levels of concern down back, and a little humility on the part of the pilots is good for the soul.

In an earlier life I used to cover large expanses of salt water as a maritime patrol captain/crew commander. The motley lot of navigators and other sundry folks down back were far more vocal critics of landings than any passenger on a commercial operation. At least the pax don't try to weasel a round of drinks out of us.

[PAXboy]

At least the pax don't try to weasel a round of drinks out of us. That's only because we are disembarking and it would be diificult to carry the drink along with all the hand baggage we like to have with us. ;)

Here's looking forward to the next development in IFE systems: For landing, the SkyMap turns into a readout of the sink rate at touch down. Then, using the keypad, we get to vote. :cool:

[Mike Blackburn]

we flew Hahn to Stansted on Ryanair, and sat with the other raucous bunch in the back.
The male cabin attendant was doing the oxygen mask thing. As he tugged on it to simulate starting the flow of oxygen, it promptly broke into three pieces. Cue hysterical laughter from the last 12 rows, and a cabin attendant incapable of doing the rest of the demo, as he was trying too hard not to laugh.

BTW, on Kulula (S African low cost) the cabin announcements can also be quite entertaining, for example... "At Kulula we have only the highest trained pilots and cabin crew. Unfortunately, none of them could be with us today...."

(I don't know how this affects the nervous flyers...)

[Coconuts]

Not exactly a cabin announcement, I flew with UAL recently who allow pax to listen to the radio transmissions in the cockpit if they wish.

Soon after we had just begin taxiing for takeoff the ATC's voice came over the radio

"Are you ready for takeoff"

The captain retorted

"I will be when I get there" :O