You Know You Are In Africa When.....
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More on money
And to add to the issue of money: When you land on a dirt runway (cant say where it was because it was Angoche in Moz 
) and the guy you have to pay landing fees to, says: "No, we do not accept Mozambique Meticals!" and you start laughing because it's obviously a joke. Only to have one of the armed Police officers give you a look and say:"No joke!" 
) and the guy you have to pay landing fees to, says: "No, we do not accept Mozambique Meticals!" and you start laughing because it's obviously a joke. Only to have one of the armed Police officers give you a look and say:"No joke!"
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You know you are in Africa...
... when the controller issues a taxi clearance to a C206 to back-track the only runway and clears a Let 410 on a 3 mile final to land the moment you turned onto the runway 
...when the very same controller keeps your helicopter on a one mile base-to-final and makes you wait in an out-of-ground-effect hover for 6 (six!) minutes to let an airplane back-track and depart that has not even began to taxi yet instead of allowing a landing in the grass. Because that would be a runway incursion, right?
... when you receive "Wind 090 at 10 knots, you a' cleared fo' take-off runway 09, right turn on depa'tsha, climb to no mo' than 700 feet, QNH 1019" when all you asked for was to air-taxi the runway back to the main ramp.
Glad to fly a chopper in all this crazieness...
...when the very same controller keeps your helicopter on a one mile base-to-final and makes you wait in an out-of-ground-effect hover for 6 (six!) minutes to let an airplane back-track and depart that has not even began to taxi yet instead of allowing a landing in the grass. Because that would be a runway incursion, right?
... when you receive "Wind 090 at 10 knots, you a' cleared fo' take-off runway 09, right turn on depa'tsha, climb to no mo' than 700 feet, QNH 1019" when all you asked for was to air-taxi the runway back to the main ramp.
Glad to fly a chopper in all this crazieness...
Last edited by Hawkeye0001; 24th May 2012 at 17:33.
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U B IN AFRICA WHEN........
when on your very first job the captain your with requests at pilots discretion to take off from a taxi way and the controller does not object and its your leg! and theres a tree growing center line end of taxi way!
when due to heavy icing and TS you request descent and heading deviation towards a restricted area you are told you will be shot down
with what you ask yourself and deviate anyway
when due to heavy icing and TS you request descent and heading deviation towards a restricted area you are told you will be shot down
with what you ask yourself and deviate anyway
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When you land in Ndola, Zambia, on a permit that is still valid for another 40 or so hours, and they tell you that its not the right date because you should have landed here yesterday - they decide to arrest you, and try to drive you to the police station in town, only to find they have no fuel in their car.
So they ask you to supply them some cash to get some fuel for their car - in order to drive you to the lockup. You decline, and tell them to send a car from the police station then rather. This one also happens to have no fuel to get back to town, once they arrive at the airport, so they ask you for some money for gas again.
"sorry boss, I'm all out. And now yer fooked coz both your cop-cars are stuck at the airport with no gas."
Ok, you can go..... but dont come back here again.
So they ask you to supply them some cash to get some fuel for their car - in order to drive you to the lockup. You decline, and tell them to send a car from the police station then rather. This one also happens to have no fuel to get back to town, once they arrive at the airport, so they ask you for some money for gas again.
"sorry boss, I'm all out. And now yer fooked coz both your cop-cars are stuck at the airport with no gas."
Ok, you can go.....
but dont come back here again.
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When you land in Ndola, Zambia...
Yup, same bunch of clowns forced us as a crew to leave the air side at what amounted to gunpoint, then locked us up for not having the correct stamps in the passport allowing us into the country. We were passing through not leaving the air side, to pick up an aircraft to be ferried.
Zambians pride themselves on not being corrupt. All this means is that the price is higher should you fall foul of one of their little cons.
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All - this thread has made me laugh more than any other on PPRUNE. 
in equal measure.
My own two-pennoth, although not directly related to aviation - read all the way to the last few paras for the punchline:- BBC News - Aboard the Victoria Falls Express
in equal measure. My own two-pennoth, although not directly related to aviation - read all the way to the last few paras for the punchline:- BBC News - Aboard the Victoria Falls Express
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a clear night in Lagos, Hydro Air Cargo 747F inbound........
"Tower this is Hydro Air, 5 miles established for 19L"
"Hydro do you want 19R?" [next to the cargo apron]
"Tower we had it NOTAM'd as closed....."
"negative, negative, its good. You are cleared to land 19R"
They landed ............... and ran into 3 dumper trucks and a JCB, before clipping a large pile of Asphalt and ending up in a smoking heap off the side of the runway. The pilots walked away but the a/c was a write off.
Accident Database: Accident Synopsis 11282003
"Tower this is Hydro Air, 5 miles established for 19L"
"Hydro do you want 19R?" [next to the cargo apron]
"Tower we had it NOTAM'd as closed....."
"negative, negative, its good. You are cleared to land 19R"
They landed ............... and ran into 3 dumper trucks and a JCB, before clipping a large pile of Asphalt and ending up in a smoking heap off the side of the runway. The pilots walked away but the a/c was a write off.
Accident Database: Accident Synopsis 11282003
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In the aircraft, fully filled with three guys from a potential buyer, two in the back, one in the front.
Guy #1:
"So... a yu de pilot?"
"No. I am just the gardener, but I like to dress up. Duah!"
*eyesandmouthwideopen* "...Really?! So whe' is de pilot?!"
Guy #2:
"How many passengers can de aircraft carry?"
Looking at him, looking at the two guys in the two backseats, looking at him again, looking at the backseats again, flabbergasted: "Sir... can you COUNT?"
"Oh! Is tu passengers only!?"
" ... er... yes. Four seats but two passengers only. Because it has to fly with a pilot in the front. And a gardener."
May god have mercy on their soul...
Guy #1:
"So... a yu de pilot?"
"No. I am just the gardener, but I like to dress up. Duah!"
*eyesandmouthwideopen* "...Really?! So whe' is de pilot?!"
Guy #2:
"How many passengers can de aircraft carry?"
Looking at him, looking at the two guys in the two backseats, looking at him again, looking at the backseats again, flabbergasted: "Sir... can you COUNT?"
"Oh! Is tu passengers only!?"
" ... er... yes. Four seats but two passengers only. Because it has to fly with a pilot in the front. And a gardener."
May god have mercy on their soul...
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When the controller keeps you waiting at the intersection while another aircraft takes eight minutes to get there and land because he's unable to cope with more than one aircraft in his airspace at a time.
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This doesn't happen to be in Tanzania by any chance?
Sounds just like here where any controller happily shuts down the whole airport, adjacent airspace, sounds world alarm and stops the earth's rotation just because "Precision Air is on an 8 mile left base (or so they say)!!!" - "Soooo...?"
Sounds just like here where any controller happily shuts down the whole airport, adjacent airspace, sounds world alarm and stops the earth's rotation just because "Precision Air is on an 8 mile left base (or so they say)!!!" - "Soooo...?"
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DNEN circa 1994
when those two Russian pilots sitting next to you at the airport bar board with you and proceed to the cockpit.
when the cockpit door opens mid flight and thick tobacco smoke pours out.
ps. long time reader, first post. thanks guys for keeping the dream alive
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when those two Russian pilots sitting next to you at the airport bar board with you and proceed to the cockpit.
when the cockpit door opens mid flight and thick tobacco smoke pours out.
ps. long time reader, first post. thanks guys for keeping the dream alive
Posted from Pprune.org App for Android
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