You Know You Are In Africa When.....
Join Date: Aug 2008
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You know you are in Africa
When the 15 year old son of the air company's owner shows up un-announced for a joy ride on the A320's flight deck expecting to be seated in the captain's seat for take off. When you refuse the spoiled brat immediately phones his father demanding you to be fired for being un-cooperative. 
Join Date: Aug 2008
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You know you are in Africa
When the air company's owner insists that no reserve fuel is needed for your A320 (fuel is expensive at the Homebase) because weather at the final destination is GOOD. 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Europe, Africa
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You know you are in Africa when......after you had an accident during a Taxi ride you run away because you will be held responsible for the accident by the Taxidriver 
Join Date: Aug 2008
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You know you are in Africa
When you declare an emergency after suspected fuel contamination and the tower tells you to hold for at least another half hour because the president's brother is doing a speed test in his newly acquired Ferrari on the airport's sole runway.
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Among camels and dunes
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when you hear someone declare a fuel emergency in the LU hold 30000ft in Luanda, then hear the tower tell him to divert to his alternate, Luanda is now closed for VIP movement. Then you hear the pilot tell him Luanda is the alternate, as he has just diverted from Cabinda to Luanda.
Last edited by Jetjock330; 8th Nov 2010 at 11:14.
Drain Bamaged
-When one of you friend jump sitting in an AN12 recall that they managed to land in what was looking like 10 feet of visibility.
With the copilot yelling "пойдите вокруг! пойдите вокруг!" (go around! go around! from Google translator)
When he inquired the PIC about it his angry answer was, after pumping his chest, "CHECK PILOT NEVER GO AROUND!"
With the copilot yelling "пойдите вокруг! пойдите вокруг!" (go around! go around! from Google translator)
When he inquired the PIC about it his angry answer was, after pumping his chest, "CHECK PILOT NEVER GO AROUND!"
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: johannesburg
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You know you are in africa when...
Your radar is u/s and the CEO says "what's your problem, I have phoned the ramp agents at departure and destination ( 300 milis apart) and they say the weather is fine"............
Dparture 'A' ramp agent loads all cargo in front because he knows what he is doing........ Aircraft drags the lip all the way to destination. Destination airport loads everything in the back because he knows what he is doing....Aircraft leaps for joy into the air....
You line up for takeoff and casually ask the ATC what the people are doing halfway down on the side of the runway. "clear for take off wind is....' You try again and after a few say agains " Hold position, I say again HOLD POSITION Animals on the runaway!!!!
A fire truck appears, Paris Dakar style, rounds them all up, proceeds to beat the living daylights out of them, 'Clear for takeoff wind calm runway clear.....'
You call for boarding, also tell everyone insight/ear shot/holding a beloved radio to his,her ear that youy are ready they all say yes or words/nods to that effect and ten minutes later someone bounds into the cockpit to enquire if you are ready for boarding.
End of episode1 more to come-You just gota love Africa
Dparture 'A' ramp agent loads all cargo in front because he knows what he is doing........ Aircraft drags the lip all the way to destination. Destination airport loads everything in the back because he knows what he is doing....Aircraft leaps for joy into the air....
You line up for takeoff and casually ask the ATC what the people are doing halfway down on the side of the runway. "clear for take off wind is....' You try again and after a few say agains " Hold position, I say again HOLD POSITION Animals on the runaway!!!!
A fire truck appears, Paris Dakar style, rounds them all up, proceeds to beat the living daylights out of them, 'Clear for takeoff wind calm runway clear.....'
You call for boarding, also tell everyone insight/ear shot/holding a beloved radio to his,her ear that youy are ready they all say yes or words/nods to that effect and ten minutes later someone bounds into the cockpit to enquire if you are ready for boarding.
End of episode1 more to come-You just gota love Africa
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: South Africa
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When you do circuit training with simulated emergencies and you request simulated engine failure/glide approach from base leg at what ever alt. She then clears you for a five mile final approach.
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Europe
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You are given engine start clearance, you have a marshaller on the nose, wingmen on the left & right, everyone gives you the thumbs up. You start the engines and they start boarding the 747 on your left with all the pax walking behind you.
End result +400 pilgrims eating jet blast during start & then again when you pull away & turn left then right onto the taxi way with taxi power.
Also, whilst on radar and in perfect vfr with no traffic anywhere, report passing x000 ft, report field in sight, report on finals, report 6 mile finals, report 4 mile finals, report short finals!
Seats on aircraft never equal passengers!
Huge tartan bags weighing more than the passengers!
The man whose job is to sweep the ramp with a broom made out of twigs, says he has cleaned around your aircraft & would like something small, like US $20!
X-ray machines not working!
Fire engines from WW2!
3' PAPI & VASI calibrated by the electrican who changed the bulbs!
No taxi-way centre lights, 75% taxi-edge lights not working, yellow centre line paint fading, impossible to see the marshaller at night as he isn't wearing his fluorcesant jacket & his 'wands' have no batteries.
You have to wake up customs/immigration/security/police to let you into the terminal if landing at night!
"Sorry" is the commonest used word & it means nothing!
You carry around a carrier bag full of cash as no credit or credit cards accepted!
If you tip someone, he tells his mates & about a dozen more turn up telling you that they have somehow helped you!
More to come
End result +400 pilgrims eating jet blast during start & then again when you pull away & turn left then right onto the taxi way with taxi power.
Also, whilst on radar and in perfect vfr with no traffic anywhere, report passing x000 ft, report field in sight, report on finals, report 6 mile finals, report 4 mile finals, report short finals!
Seats on aircraft never equal passengers!
Huge tartan bags weighing more than the passengers!
The man whose job is to sweep the ramp with a broom made out of twigs, says he has cleaned around your aircraft & would like something small, like US $20!
X-ray machines not working!
Fire engines from WW2!
3' PAPI & VASI calibrated by the electrican who changed the bulbs!
No taxi-way centre lights, 75% taxi-edge lights not working, yellow centre line paint fading, impossible to see the marshaller at night as he isn't wearing his fluorcesant jacket & his 'wands' have no batteries.
You have to wake up customs/immigration/security/police to let you into the terminal if landing at night!
"Sorry" is the commonest used word & it means nothing!
You carry around a carrier bag full of cash as no credit or credit cards accepted!
If you tip someone, he tells his mates & about a dozen more turn up telling you that they have somehow helped you!
More to come
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The R of SA
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You know you are in Africa when you advise operations that you are starting engines and they give you the go ahead. Then you call the tower to get start clearance….which you get, so all is good. Then the ground handler signals for you to standby and you will be number 2 to start after another aircraft which has only just started loading pax. Then you are told by operations to standby on the start. A minute later you are screamed at by the tower because you have not started. Then you are given the go ahead by the ground personal {different one this time}. Then the tower tells you to standby start. Operations call you and say you can go. While you are discussing this with tower you get called by operations blasting you for not starting and accusing you of holding everything up and blocking the apron. Eventually the tower gives you start ……again. You just keep quiet and start your plane up and get the hell out of there ASAP.
Join Date: Jan 2010
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You know you are in Africa when you advise operations that you are starting engines and they give you the go ahead. Then you call the tower to get start clearance….which you get, so all is good. Then the ground handler signals for you to standby and you will be number 2 to start after another aircraft which has only just started loading pax. Then you are told by operations to standby on the start. A minute later you are screamed at by the tower because you have not started. Then you are given the go ahead by the ground personal {different one this time}. Then the tower tells you to standby start. Operations call you and say you can go. While you are discussing this with tower you get called by operations blasting you for not starting and accusing you of holding everything up and blocking the apron. Eventually the tower gives you start ……again. You just keep quiet and start your plane up and get the hell out of there ASAP.
Join Date: Jan 2005
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When you get cleared for start and then when requesting taxi get told to shut down again due to VIP movement.
On asking how long the delay is, get told to standby and shut down, trying to explain you are unable to shut down and sit on batteries indefinately waiting to be told how long the delay is. NO response as the tower does not understand anything other than standard RT phraseology
When requesting the length of the delay again get told "you shut down and SHUT UP now"
On asking how long the delay is, get told to standby and shut down, trying to explain you are unable to shut down and sit on batteries indefinately waiting to be told how long the delay is. NO response as the tower does not understand anything other than standard RT phraseology
When requesting the length of the delay again get told "you shut down and SHUT UP now"
Join Date: Jul 2002
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You depart Germany at night with a load of pax enroute to Nairobi and an hour or two into the flight we are waiting for a coffee and a meal to be brought up to the flight deck but no FA's show up. We ring the call bell 2, 3 4, 5 times and No response. The Flight Engineer gets out of his seat and opens the cockpit door and behold, the cabin is pitch black! Almost everyone is asleep and the FA's have built there little tents over the empty seats and have crawled in and gone to sleep. The rear galley is packed with a dozen or so German tourist's helping them selves to the booze and having a party!