Thread: Friday Jokes
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Old 13th Jan 2017, 17:54
  #9402 (permalink)  
ricardian
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
Some fun "heard in Waitrose" ones
1 “I suppose we could have a coffee. I’ve just spoken to Susan and she’s still doing the ironing and there’s nothing worse than being in your own house when the cleaner is still there.”
2. “I work at Waitrose on the counters and yesterday whilst working on the meat and fish counter, I had a man and wife browse through our meat section. I asked if they were looking for anything in particular and they responded “your dry aged sirloin steak”. We had some unopened dry aged sirloin and informed the customers that I would be happy to open it for them. I presumed to open the pack and asked how many slices they wanted and how thick they were to be. Two thick slices later costing around £16 I wrapped up the meat and gave them to the couple, I told them to enjoy. Surprisingly the man responded “oh dear, we don’t eat meat, we are both vegetarians. This is for our dog Clifford, it’s his favourite”. Needless to say I stood speechless and couldn’t help but giggle whilst they chirped off perhaps browsing for more expensive ingredients for their lucky dog named Clifford.”
3. ‘Mummy, what does extra virgin mean?’ A little boy says to his mother whilst inspecting a bottle of olive oil she had just placed in the trolley.
‘It means that its the best kind, darling.’ She replied.
The boy thought about this for a moment before asking inquisitively, ‘Mummy, am I an extra virgin son?’
4. A Mum in bright, animated conversation with her small daughter.
Mother: Now we don’t need to buy any cucumbers this week, do we darling? Why don’t we need to buy any cucumbers?
There follows an excited, anticipatory pause.
Small girl: Because they’re boring?
Mother (with an air of disappointment): No darling, it’s because we’ve grown our own!
5. “Ever since this free coffee offer started, Waitrose has been like a bloody soup kitchen”
6. “I can’t believe there are children here. Are we in Asda?”
7. “Jemima, you’ll have to take the Rosemary off the Focaccia before we feed the ducks, Darling. They can’t digest it!”
8. A lady talking to her friend “Darling I was so ill last night, the drawback to living in such a large house is that the en suite is too faraway from ones sickbed.”
9. “Our house has its own postcode, it’s really handy for the sat nav, as it takes us half-way up our drive”
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