News article
From yesterday's Daily Infidel, the Gulf's leading ex-pat publication.
Emirates Airline faces closure
It emerged today that Emirates Airline is facing closure after a mass exodus of pilots over a pay cut. It appears that the management of the airline misjudged the strength of pilot feeling on the issue and are in crisis talks to keep the airline afloat. Our reporter, Mustafa Leek, was able to interview several pilots who insisted on anonymity.
When asked to describe the anger felt by the world's best aviators, one of their number volunteered the following. "We are asked to do more and more and this year my pay only increased by 3%. Last month, for example, I had to do 3 landings and only had 18 days at home in my company villa - my maid barely recognised me! The rest of the time I was expected stay in a 5 star hotel with barely enough cash provided to entertain myself. And what do we get for our efforts - 3 measly weeks extra pay."
Another pilot had this to say. "The company has got this wrong in a big way. They cannot find the pilots to replace us. Only 30% of guys who make it to the interview get offered a job so we must be special. On my selection I had to answer 700 psychometric questions just to ensure I would be compliant enough and prepared tolerate all the bullish!t coming my way. They even tested my ability to fly several radar vectored ILS's a month."
On the subject of leaving the airline, one told us, "As the best pilots in the world, we have plenty of options. Some of us even have passports. One of my mates will go to China when the pay gets to $100k a month and he's not kidding."
When asked to respond to the charge that Emirates pilots had slightly inflated expectations and were a bit up themselves, one said, "I brought my family over half way round the world to follow my dream of a big car and an easy life, why should I be treated like this?". Our reporter pointed out that if he had gone in the other direction it would have been less than half way around the world.
A company spokesman admitted that the company was facing ruin. "It's true, we have a made a massive mistake and are struggling to cope with all this anonymous whining on the internet. Resignations have already reached double figures - these guys mean business. We just can't get hold of any more stateless persons from southern Africa and very few major airlines have gone bankrupt in S America recently. There are only so many Europeans who value a maid and sunshine over living at home in the civilised world. Fortunately, Australia is still a source of the world's most expert yet unassuming aviators. Even so, we will struggle to find enough candidates for our 'Emirates pilot re-education programme'."