PPRuNe Forums - View Single Post - Apocryphal Tales
View Single Post
Old 17th Mar 2014, 13:34
  #377 (permalink)  
TroutMaster
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Lincolnshire
Posts: 8
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts
Wyton in the very early nineties, lovely day, Canberra 8 miles to land. Phone rings in ATC. “I’m watching 2 cows running down your runway mate, a white one and a brown one.”

“Roger that.” Turns to Controller, “Sir, there are cows on the runway.”

“F%$£* me, Callsign on approach overshoot, runway is Black, I say again….”

Canberra cruises through. A ‘throng’ suddenly gathers in ATC Local.

Controller, “Ring 51, tell them those cows are running toward that parked Nimrod.”

“Yes sir.”

Both cows jog past ATC, towards the Nimrod, dragging a barbed wire fence.

A chief suddenly appears, jogs manfully out of the big flappy rubber double doors, crosses the dispersal. Protects Nimrod. Waves arms to fend off approaching bovines. Cows undettered, increase speed and chase him back through double doors. Throng laughing.

Station Commander arrives in Local, throng dissolves. “Where are they now?”

Controller, “The white ones lying down somewhere on Married Quarters, sir. Not sure about the brown one.” Pause. Storno crackles to life……”Rover -Tower…(pause)..”Tower this is Rover pasture message?” (Laughing in background). “Rover - Tower, How now brown cow?”

Station Commander trying not to laugh. Station Tannoy, “All non essential personnel report to ATC etc” A posse of @ 100 people walk in a well ordered line across the length of the airfield, marshalling a cow. Warm grass, skylarks above. The vast open silence of an unused airfield. Cow spotted, cow lies down. Farmer appears with trailer. Brown cow won’t obey instructions to embark trailer. ATC SAC, “My dad has a farm, let me try…” Walks over to cow. Cow pricks ears up, stands, interested. “Ya…Ya…” Cow starts pawing lumps out of airfield, breathing heavily. Posse shuffles backwards. “Ya Ya Ya…” Cow suddenly covers 20 feet in @ 2 seconds, airman takes cows head squarely in between legs and is launched backwards over cow, a perfect somersault. Everyone is laughing, including the SAC. Cow moves back into position and, satisfied with outcome, lies down, chews cud. Police sniper team arrives. (Not making this up!). Farmer nods. Cow chews cud. A rifle is assembled in front of awestruck posse. Posse shuffles back, again. A rifle is aimed. Cow stands up, interested. Crack!

Cow leaps into air, all 4 hooves jerk 90 degrees to starboard. Thud. Cow works, cow stops working. Round of applause! Police leave. Posse back to normal duties with the bemused thanks of the Stn Cdr. Aircraft start to circle and land.

Happy memories.
TroutMaster is offline