One enjoyable definition of leadership is: "Getting someone to do what they don't want to do, whilst thinking it was their idea in the first place".
TOFO, you are right that this is pretty rare in the commercial world. But the issue for former Service people is whether they should abandon the skills and qualities they have acquired in their first careers and become the common denominator, or hang in there and bring refreshing change to whoever is lucky enough to employ them.
In the right firm, the latter pays off. I know at least three former RAF people who left the Service at 38 and became CEOs of large companies, and they didn't do it by bullying, they did it by being different, and better. In half a career. At least one of those companies I believe now actively seeks ex-Service people. Hang on to your principles, people, they can pay off!