Well (as always!) I shall be no help whatsoever but.......
Legend has it that "PC" (38 Gp EU Odiham) was on exchange with the RN.
When asked to speak at Taranto Night he stood up and said:
"Only the Royal Navy could celebrate a victory against the Italians"
He left via the nearest window so, as has been said, I suggest you try to find a joke that lets the Army come out tops - but never let your own service suffer.
Suggestions, none!
lsh