Not really ATC humour and don't know if they're true or not, but they made me chuckle anyway:-
After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need
repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes
and then the mechanics read and correct the problem. They then respond in
writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the
pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as
submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had
an accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
**********************************************
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. No's 1, 3, and 4 propellers lack normal
seepage.
P: Something lose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed
FB
