BA - Lesson 1:01: How To Seriously Upset A Group Of Premium Customers

[strake]

Offer "World Class" service to First and Club passengers with promise of exceptional experience.

Outward:

- Having called passengers to the "Gate", cram them on a bus for a tour of the T5 area following slow moving baggage carts and other ancillary airport vehicles. Then, disgorge them onto a rain and windswept apron where they can fight amongst themselves to get onboard.

- In case of First passengers, escort to seat and ignore.

- After take-off, apologise for lack of welcome due to "operational difficulties" with newspapers, food and drink service.

- Offer menu with reduced selection of food and drink

Return.....

- Place senior BA manager in seat 1A and spend considerable crew time visiting and chatting etc.

- Before arrival at Heathrow, make "apologetic" announcement about requirement to bus from aircraft to "gate" but reassure everyone that this is a "slick operation".

- On arrival at the stand, senior BA manager has dispensation to jump out of seat before aircraft "comes to a complete stop" and bustle past fellow First and forward Club passengers to door 2.

- Despite having at least twelve hours notice of aircraft's arrival, make "apologetic" announcement that the previously mentioned busses are inexplicably delayed.

- Having opened door briefly to let senior executive manager deplane into a waiting BA van, make another vague announcement that busses "are on the way".

- Give frosty response to irritated passenger (American) who complains, reasonably, that perhaps the operation needs looking in to.

- After 15 minute wait, make upbeat announcement (inferring personal negotiating success) that busses are now here and everyone can happily make their way onto them. Force as many people into bus as possible, encouraged by shouts and orders from driver and various ramp staff.

- repeat outward bus journey through traffic lights, slow moving traffic etc.

Charge from £3500 to £9600 for the experience.