You know you are in Africa when
As a new member I considered “Lumumba” as a nomme de keyboard out of respect for “Mobotu”, who introduced me to this site and conferred honorable martyr status on my would be namesake by slightly murdering him back in the 1960s. Ah yes, those were the days, before GPS when none of us knew where we were all the time. When Africa was really Africa, with benevolent white colonial dictatorships, as opposed the modern trend towards benevolent black democratic dictatorships.
Well, no. I chose Gnu instead, because they are superficially silly animals, but have a surprising collective intelligence. Who else surround themselves with nice stripy zebra targets while dining al fresco? Gnu skin rugs shoes and handbags have never been considered to be hot fashion accessories, and it won’t be a gnu’s head nailed to a shield on the wall in a Bavarian banquet hall. So what if we lose a few kids to the lions? We have short memories and can always have fun making some more. WE, are not the endangered species.
Yes Mobotu, we have all seen it. The traditional crocodile skin carry-on hand baggage. Long and flat and very much full of live crocodile, with an evil disposition, brought about no doubt by the prospect of featuring in a star role in an upcoming menu.
But I digress from the thread, or more accurately, have come nowhere near it yet.
TALKING TO CONTROLLORS.
Can be a very useful and enlightening experience leading to helpful cooperation, but a few guide lines or reminders might be in order.
African culture demands very high standards in manners and etiquette. One has to be cautious in ones methods when broaching ticklish subjects.
On no account should you bring bad news. This is a serious breach of tradition, which in the old days was the starting signal for some swift assegai practice. Modern culture is more reasonable and might result in a mere “Proceed to the VOR and hold” which is unpleasant never the less.
It is of course impolite to come to the point directly. One needs to take the time to discuss some traditionally pleasing subjects first, such as when the rains are due to start, or if already raining, when they are due to stop. Be sure to know whether this refers to the long or to the short rains, and the difference between the two. (One being long and the other short)
Another subject which is popular and pleasing concerns free travel arrangements for the subject and his wives, children, close relatives and work colleagues. In this context “Lobi”, and “Lobi Kuna” might be useful words to know. (Roughly translated meaning “later”, and “much later”, or strangely enough, “before” and “much before”, the difference being determined with hand signals, which leads to confusion and misunderstandings on the phone.)
It might be wise to show some sympathy for a controller’s difficulties. That it is not his fault for example, when the VOR, DME, NDB, ILS and HF radio are not working because 14 kilometers of overhead power cable went missing one night, the stealthy culprit and his get away truck being unnoticed by 5,000 people living in the vicinity when plunged into sudden darkness. The police we hear are looking for an individual trying to sell or trade a suspiciously long piece of wire.
With the niceties dispensed with, after a decent length of time, the real subject for discussion might proceed. (A bit like this piece of thread)
I would like to take this opportunity to extend my thanks and appreciation to the controller who brought this mission to a particularly satisfying conclusion.
When the Russian pilot, 40 miles out and trying to jump in front of us again, called “Rrready forr viiisual appoooch”, the said controller promptly cancelled his IFR flight plan and told him to proceed VMC to the river and hold.
There is a nice black god somewhere.