Don't recal reading about a Gorrila.
-The fire fighting crew obidiently suits up and gets in the truck for all arriving jet aircraft. Only problem is that the truck has no wheels.
-The fire truck is burnt to a crisp whilst the firemen were off fighting a bush fire with their hands due to a lack of functioning equipment
-Arrive at airfield to find half of it in flames from before mentioned bush fire.
-A 421 looses it's nose gear due to the large divet caused by all the people crossing the runway at the same place and a lack of maintenance.
-Final landing checks include a low pass at the airfield, followed by a very low pass in order to chase off any, cows, dogs, goats, children, bycicle traders, dump trucks rebuilding the runway (very rare sight) guys on motor bikes who think they are faster than you
-People think you are trying to save the engines by doing a reduced power take off because you use all the runway. Not realising that you have worked out exactly how much the aircraft can take out if said runway at max power, thereby being ultra effecient and not having to leave anything behind.
-People think propelors are made of rubber and will not harm you if walked into, even if spinning at several thousand RPM.
-You think you have done something to piss off ATC since every time you fly they seem to want to kill you.
-The tower is now located on the roof of the airport building, under some orange tarp on a few couches. Whilst the origional was being repainted and had new AC's put in. Toilets in terminal have not worked propperly in over seven years.
-During certain times of year you may be one of the lucky few to have Korean or Vietnam war flash backs. As the air is filled with the gorgeous sights of ancient migs. And your in the middle of them all. All the while desperatly trying to land with insane commands from ATC. "Cleared to land 14, wait orbit to the left, one on final, ok cleared to land, oh wait I see another one turning final"
-Always have a camera with you, beautifull scenery and the highest chance of becoming an on scene reporter to some sort of air crash or disaster. Usually once a month or more in some places, if you don't get arrested first for being a spy.
-The ancient Migs at the end of the runway are considerded super top secret, even though they have not flown in years and will never fly again. Even though in plain sight, these aircraft are not really there, at least as far as anyone in the army or police is concerned. At least until you pull out a camera.
-Whilst off loading your passengers a fully loaded Hind gunship taxi's past to go take on some of the rebels.
-Jeppesen says "Fuel available" reality = no fuel in many years. Cue crash course in extreme flight planning and fuel economics that would do the Israeli airforce proud.
-The only way to get the ATC's attention is to pass low over the tower. Especially bad during the holidays.
-Weather reports are read out regardless of the actual conditions prevailing. Eg, cloud 2500 feet on a Cavok day. Or three mile vis in a thunder storm with enough water to drown a hippo in.
-The safest think to drink is the booze.
-Precision aproach at some airfields do not require the use of radio/nav aids (Mostly due to them no longer working) But consist of some hand drawn notes reading. "Follow railway line, take right fork, convigure for landing, keep going to football pitch, make hard left onto short finals. This approach can be done as long as you are visual with the ground and minimum descent altitude is two feet above highest obstacle.
-You know most if not all the voices on the radio
