Want to be a Flight Attendant?
> >
> >
> > 1. Go to a resale store and find an old, navy blue suit that an army
> > sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear the
> > same outfit for four consecutive days, every week, all year long.
> >
> > 2. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several
> > hours. Pretend you are standing by for them and they are all full. Go
> > home. Return to the airport the next day and do the same thing again.
> >
> > 3. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head
> > and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until
> > the boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disk slip in your back. Smile.
> >
> > 4. Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it betw een stations so there
> > is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage
> > disposal. Run them all night. Smile.
> >
> > 5. Remove the covers from several TV entrees. Place them in a
> > hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out.
> > Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your
> > family. Don't include anything for yourself. Eat peanuts. Smile.
> >
> > 6. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received
> > their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them
> > to scream at you and complain about the service. Eat peanuts. Smile.
> >
> > 7. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two
> > hours later when you're really hungry Eat peanuts. Smile.
> >
> > 8. Pl ace a straight-backed chair in a closet next to a bathroom,
> > facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it.
> > Eat the stale rolls you saved from your family's meal, preferably while
> > someone is USING the bathroom. Smile.
> >
> > 9. Ask your family to use the bathroom as
> > frequently as possible. Tell them to make splashing water
> > a game and see who can leave the most disgusting mess. Clean the
> > bathroom every hour throughout the night. Drink stale coffee in the closet
> > next
> > to the bathroom. Eat peanuts. Smile.
> >
> > 10. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and
> > randomly scatter your husband's wing-tips and loafers along the way.
> > Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle
> > while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the
> > shoes. Drink several cups of cold, stale coffee to keep yourself
> > awake. Smile.
> >
> > 11. Stay up all night, then wake your family in the morning and
> > serve them a cold, hard sweet roll. Don't forget to smile and
> > wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school. Ask them to
> > berate you. Eat peanuts. (Smile.)
> >
> > 12. After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out (preferably in
> > winter) in the
> > yard. If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkling system and stand in the
> > cold and the wet for 30 minutes, pretending like you're waiting for the
crew
> > bus to pick you up. Then go inside and wait by
> > your bedroom door for ANOTHER 30 minut es while an imaginary maid cleans
and
> > makes up your room.
> > Smile.
> >
> > 13. Change into street clothes and shop for five hours. Pick up carry-out
> > food from a local deli. Go back
> > home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm for 3 a.m. so
you'll
> > be ready for your
> > wake-up call. (It's now 12:30 a.m.) Eat peanuts. Smile.
> >
> > 14. Repeat the above schedule for four days in a row and you'll
> > be ready to work your first trip as a Flight Attendant!
> >
> > 15. Repeat the above schedule after just three days off, every week
> > for twelve month's straight. NOW you are ready to BE a Flight
> > Attendant!!
> >
> > 16. Lose your pension AND take a 25 per-cent pay-cut.
> > NOW YOU'VE HAD A CAREER AS A FLIGHT ATTENDANT!!!