New Year In The Aero Gay Bar
In the spirit of our hopes for a better 2007 for all employees, irrespective of gender, politics or religious persuasion, we'll be having a great party in the Gay Bar this evening. In the interests of safety, alchohol will only be served until 2000 (and then only on individual member's cards), to a limit of 2 units of alchohol per member. However, free milkshakes and cherry sodas will be provided by management until midnight. There will be a fantastic discotheque playing live Village People hits most of the evening, culminating in the smash hit "Ready for the 80's" to highlight our forward-thinking management strategies. At midnight, there'll also be free sparkling maple-flavored shakes, maple icecream as the band plays and we all sing "O Canada". Unfortunately, it's much to dangerous for us to be there to celebrate with you, and tho' we'll be there with our wives, we'll be there in (non-alchoholic)spirit with you and all your male friends.
Talking of security, we're now beefing up personal security for access to the staff house and bar. In view of the recent car bomb explosions and the announcements by MEND that they will be starting their suicide bombing campaign soon, I've written to Geri and authorised him to instruct Pointed security to conduct full body searches. These will be carried out discretely behind the same sort of curtains that add so much to our vehicle security. Pointed security operatives have been instructed to always use new disposable gloves for each search, to keep fingernails well trimmed, have a plentiful supply of vaseline and to avoid picking their noses when on body search detail. I've received reports that some staff have been trying to smuggle in females, which we all know is terribly dangerous and irresponsible. The body search should take care of this issue. Just in case there are still some unreformed ex SAW people out there, I've authorised stewards to carry out a search of all personal belongings and report to me if they find that anyone is harbouring dildoes. These could be terribly dangerous and packed with dynamite.
I'd like to remond all that HESS have recommended the wearing of PSE to the bar, because of the danger of some people becoming frolicksome and throwing objects, or ceiling fans becoming detached. Please remember to wear hard-hats and safety boots, instead of baseball hats and sneakers. Hard hats may, of course, be removed in the dining room.
Enjoy the party in our tropical paradise one and all. A Very Happy New Year.