[QUOTE]No offence but you'll get used to people like that. When you do eventually make it at an airline one day,(and with the right attitude, hard Work and a little luck you can...) you will then have the joy sitting next to them all day.. You'll be amazed at how your 3000th MEL-SYD sector with CAVOK at one end and B030 at the other end will feel like a space shuttle launch from Mt Everest.
Chances are you were called off standby to fly with them because the FO that was rostered called in sick. They can usually be found in the briefing room 20 minutes prior to sign on sitting alone. (Good preparation is key for a shuttle launch). They'll brief you on every NOTAM especially that taxiway in Sydney with 3 lights out even though it's ******* 11am. They'll ask your opinion on fuel but before you have a chance to answer, they'll interrupt you with the figure they have already lodged. You can almost feel their erection as they mentally congratulate themselves on some A+ CRM for including the FO. By the way, that fuel figure is usually company minimum. That's especially entertaining when you are bound for Darwin or Cairns in the wet season with no TEMPO on the TAF .
They walk needlessly fast, keen to get to aircraft like it's going to leave without them, usually 5 steps in front of you. They'll finish the brief with some form of the words "I'm 100% SOP." What will follow is a mix of 50% non SOP and 50% SOP from an FCOM that's over 10 years old. They are incredibly fast to notice if you selected the NAV lights on system 1 when today's date is an even day and thus it should be on system 2. They however don't notice their miss-set QNH and MCP ALT but you can just fix that silently when they leave for a pre flight toilet visit.
Your doing well if you've made it to line up clearance without gushing at the marvel of watching this sky god oztrnaught at work. He'll usually mention that there's bit of a crosswind from the left prior to rolling. You make note of about a 3 kt crosswind from the right but nod in agreeance anyway. You almost forgot to call V1 because you were too busy counting every centre line light that was hit on the take off roll. Note that he will mention that 1 you hit on your sector. Within 3 seconds of selecting gear up he will bark at you to ask ATC to cancel speed, but only if your initial departure track is 180 degrees in the wrong direction.
It's a summer afternoon and there is the usual build ups enroute, he'll be sure to avoid the small ones by 50nm and the big ones by 1nm. On the Bright side, if it's a very stormy day, you'll be on your way to having a 10/10 backside from all the arse cheek clenching you'll be doing.
TOPD is approaching, time for a briefing. This will be first conversation you've had in 30mins. He's spent the flight studying the Rivet arrival that hasn't changed much in twenty years. You've been debating whether you should call off sick in Sydney or suffer one more sector and get home tonight. You know you've lost it because for a moment you actually start to miss GA.. But you don't miss being poor and living in some **** hole like Darwin. You come to your senses and realise your at FL160 and haven't paid attention to anything that's happened in the last 10 mins. Time to focus. Concentration now is key. If your aircraft has some sort of smart VNAV system, FMS managed descent etc, the kind that makes it all easy he will almost certainly not use it.
You will be amazed at his butter smooth landing though. Smoothest you will ever feel, you'll never do better. Right at the end of the touch down zone too.
You will now feel your face hit the window as he manually brakes to make the high speed exit. "Fair bit of tailwind there, can't those idiot's in the Tower see it, let them know so they can think about changing runways" you note the 10kt headwind on the windsock and pass the message on anyway.
Your taxi speed stays steady at 30 kts, you begin wondering if he's going to hold short of the approaching runway. More clenching. You try not to laugh as ATC wait until you come to a screeching halt mere millimetres from the hold line to clear you to cross. They obviously know this guy is a ****wit too. You try not to laugh again when he stops short on the Up hill sloped NIGS. Thrust goes up to 45% N1 to get moving again. Part of you hopes he goes too far this time and a tug needs to be called out, just for the LOLs.
Your now shutdown at the gate. Your sector homebound.. He's going to be much more annoying. He'll find away to touch the FMC and MCP at least 5 times as much as on his sector. Smile and laugh, at least you don't Work in an office.
Okay so 95% Of the people you'll fly with are actually great guys and girl's. But these people do exist. Just do whats best for you and block out the noise. Some are probably just dirty they never got into QF. You'll make mistakes along the way and you won't always take the right path but who cares what they think. It's your journey and no one else's. We all take slightly different paths.
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Brilliant
i was thinking you were Brisbane based.
a few clues...the use of a briefing room, the ‘sick in Sydney’ and the minimum fuel. Of course, throw in the mix of old, new and unheard of procedures with the minimum fuel and......any guesses?
just brilliant.