How do you keep pushing?
General Aviation. The missed birthdays. Missed weddings. Missed funerals. Missed Christmases. The failed relationships due to long distance. The missing my siblings' kids grow up. The putting off of having a family of my own. The crappy share-houses. The below-award conditions. The sacrifices we all make are really starting to get to me on a mental level, to the point where I struggle to see how it is even worth it any more.
Being at the mercy the employer, with the attitude of, "from xx:xx AM - xx:xx PM, we own your arse. Another flight's just come in and if your duty says you can do it then you'll f@#*ing do it, we don't care if you've just done an IPC and have been awake since 03:45am". Having to be ready to bend over and take it whenever we're told by people with less than a high school education, and then be grateful for the privilege, smile and say, "Thank you may I please have another". The not knowing what hours you'll be working from one day to the next, destroying any chance of having any sort of routine in your life. Which then leads to the sleep deprivation. Going to bed and waking up at all different times every single day, decimating any remnant of a healthy sleeping pattern. This takes a mental toll. But don't you dare say you can't fly due to fatigue. This is what you signed up for. So get back out on the tarmac and make sure you smile for the f%&*ing customer on your way past.
After four years of slogging away in GA, I've hit a wall and I don't know if I want to be a part of this profession anymore. Four years may not be much, and we did know what we were signing up for (to a point), but we also didn't think we'd be signing up for a decade+ of it. And I have nearly 2500TT and 1000 multi under me, I can't even begin to fathom the long road ahead for someone just starting out.
I know this probably comes off as ungrateful and I don't wish to insult anyone in a time of worldwide lay-offs and redundancies, but please save your "pull your head out of your arse" comments. I'm not just here to have a whinge, I just don't know if I have it in me to keep going.
I've been lucky enough to be one of the ones in GA who have come through this relatively unscathed so far. In a time where we were all experiencing rapid progression, covid has stopped us all in our tracks and blown out our timeline from 2-4 years in GA to possibly 10+, and I don't believe that to be an exaggeration.
"Well you've never experienced a downturn so get used to it". True, but this is like no other downturn before it. If anything I'd argue people are underestimating how long it's going to take before all the senior guys in GA that were ready to move on see any light at the end of the tunnel. I think the ones that are underestimating it are lying to themselves, because what other option is there. To accept that your career will now stagnate for the next several years whilst you're stuck on the bottom rung is a tough pill to swallow.
On top of all of that, I just don't love the flying like I used to. It doesn't put a smile on my face any more. There's no pride in your work at this level. It has become just a job way quicker than I ever thought it would. I'm starting to dread getting out of bed, wondering what flavour of **** I'm going to get served up today.
"Well at least you're flying you ungrateful prick". At what cost, though. Because right now it's feeling like it's at the price of my mental health and well-being. If I could be sure that I would look back in ten years and still think all those years spent away from loved ones and being treated like dirt was all worth it, then I'd push on. But I don't know that I will. Staring down the barrel of potentially many more years of these sacrifices is soul-destroying. I Guess as I get older I'm starting to see what's more important.
How do you keep pushing when you don't even know what you're working towards any more?