Hokulea,
Thank you for starting this thread, I think many of us have mixed up feelings about these things, you are not alone.
My father was captured shortly after the fall of Singapore and spent the war in Changi, he was fortunate not to be sent on the Burma railway. I was born in Penang shortly before the Japanese arrived and my mother and I were lucky enough to be evacuated to Australia in the nick of time. He was not.
When my father returned after the war he hardly ever spoke about his experiences, and I only found out about some of them from reading other people's accounts. My mother said little about what he had told her, but when ever she watched the film 'A Town Like Alice' she nearly always ended up in tears.
During my flying career, I flew through Singapore many times, but could never bring myself to visit Changi. Looking back now I wish I had, but I just had a mental block about it.
Many families were traumatised to varying degrees by what happened back then - on both sides.
Thanks again for posting.