Not military or even aviation but some 30 years ago I was part of an admin team which carried out some HR functions. One of the older members of staff (yikes he was younger than I am now) died of a heart attack in the car park. Several weeks later his boss handed us a cardboard box of personal effects cleared from our late colleague's desk and asked that it be dispatched to his wife with a suitable note. My boss and I decided to check the contents and looked at each other in horror when we found a pile of letters from what was obviously his very loving mistress. My boss, lovely lady, wrote two letters, one a personal condolence to his wife with the box of effects, the other to the mistress with a sensitive and gentle explanation as to the circumstances and offering to return or destroy the letters. I can't recall if there was a reply...