Speaking of the ceasefire proposed by MEND...this proposal has as much value and intelligence as a piece of dog poo on a sidewalk. And as long as local politicians have a stake in this violence the hostage taking or kidnapping will not end. Additionally, I would suggest that these savages should work for a living but then I guess 10 mill U$D per head is not worth getting hands dirty. On top of it, a certain segment of airline passengers i.e. savages will play with wads of cash and harrass the airline personnell because they have money. POO ON YOU ALL!!!
Is Machievelli with "e" and not Machiavelli with "a" so pendejo to you, too! Short-order cook in a greasy spoon just down the road with a side-line in philosophy, Nickey Machievelli is not to be confused with more famous distant uncle from other side of family Niccolo Machiavelli with an a.
I am just off to tell the wife about this wonderful new career opportunity, leaving out the part about the secretary of uncertain sexuality and all. As Captain Oates once said, "I may be some time..."
Oh, I think if I came back with my famous joking ways and we also got that tall man with the loud shirts and the even louder music, the one who ran away to another hot, sandy place, between us we could probably do something with the BRC. Turn it into a profit center (sic)? Stranger things have happened!
NEO, why so pessimistic? Cheer up! Top prices for used generators are being paid on Malabo or so I am told!
Now that Daddy and I are back from a well deserved rest in our gracious London home and a delicious holiday sampling the parsta in Italy while contemplating whether to proceed with our Super-Agusta, and with much clean laundry we are both so sad to see all the binkering which has been proceeding on here for some weeks . As company executives with a toppest rated company it has often fallen to us to have to make hard decisions. Luckily we have our own Foamy Coolings in the form of Mr Foolala who really knows how to use a styletto. People would never dare insult him on an open forum such as this if they wanted to get out alive. Mr Coolings, you are obviously a very good man having to make hard business decisions like daddy and I do all the time. Have you by any chance attended toppest university with book and computer such as Daddy and myself have done? If you care to visit our luxuriously appointed offices at MMIA, we can introduce you to Mr Foolala who will show you how to sharpen your styletto and use it to effect a rear entry wound while still facing your ardversary. Mr Armed Lick could well benefit from having a man trained in these arts so he can run his company as daddy and I run ours, untramelled by morning Minnies.
While in Milan we visited the excellent ice creamed parlour of Mr Machiavelli and much enjoyed both his tootie frootie and rummy raisin gelaterias. He would be a welcome addition to our staff and has not been dead at all, at all as so spuriously implied by this short, angry person from the swamp.
Mr Chuks, be assured that your luxuriously-appointed office in the splendour of the centre of excellence will have batteries of unconnected telephones to impress your many jealous friends when they visited. They will also delight in your selection of tall, deliciously appointed secretaries (with wonderful and most certain sexyality), the artificial gold-plated pointy shoe rack in the corner, your own toiletry facilities with toilet incorporating luxury nylon chintz seat cover in a pink to match your button hole stitching from your very sharp hand-made shirt from Jermyn's of Jimmy Savile Row, Aba. The solid genuine mock wood door to your office sweet will be fully insulated so you do not have to hear the voicings of losers such as have been described in this RBC bar. Your Twinned Ootter is waiting and makking toppest service flights to international airport on Bonny every day. All awaits your return. Your revenge may be served cold or hot as mike rowave's ovens are constantly at your bidding in our excellent kitchen facilities in Lagos. Your beans will be served with both dodo and fried yam chips to ensure your waistline attains the traditional African dimensions for lesser persons to know you are a true man of distinction. You are most welcome.
Last edited by cavertonmanagement : 21st September 2008 at 19:29.
Reason: removal of shirt
Mr Caverton, it is widely known that you will shortly become the most important and excellent operator of Bell 412 in Nigeria. When this new, modern fleet arrives will you be paying appropriate remuneration and good local allowances? I am worried that I may be too thin for you to consider me as I am shortly to travel and will barely be able to afford more than 3 or 4 bowls of gari and okro soup each day, indeed I am very worried that my circumstances are now so reduced that I may only be able to afford to eat chin chin . Can you assure me that those working for you will be able to afford to eat amala with soup and cow leg and ogi with moyin moyin or take suya snack each evening?
Mr Smoggyboxes, you are most welcome. As you must be aware we revere aged people in Nigeria and you would be in recepit of excellent rumen runem salary of many thousands of dollars each bearing likeness of dead Presidents of USA in a tasteful green colour. Our excellent local allowance paid to all excellent expartriate staffs such as Mr Chuks is paid in cash, free of taxes and enough for many delicious dishes of amala with good soup and both Star or imported beer. There is even plenty for employment of personal secretary with pointy protuberances and G strings to attend to your every whin. When away on courses to maintain your standards of excellence you will, of course stay in toppest international hotel with room with both bed and bath and many allowances of some hundreds of dollars so you may maintain that plumpy deportment expected of our eminent company ambassadors.
Our staff house in Lagos is well known for its luxurious apartments each with all mod coons and a bar where no one can ever insult or ignore a person - that is not the way in the Nigerian centre of excellence. We Nigerians are well known for our friendlyness and horspiteality. Even if you are in Port Harcourt, you will stay in a luxuriously appointed suit in a fine hotel such as the Starred King and should you wish to visit any of the famous night spots you will be most welcome to do so. As a local company we have no need of the self serving uterances of expartriate security advices whose only knowledge is of Bargedad and will give you the information you need to make your own choice. You will at all times be treated as an adult, nit a child and your life at the centre of excellence will at all times be a delight. Your are welcome.
I greet you my brother and welcome you from your travels. I hope I may join you in sampling some totty frooty or the raisings with rum from the fine eyetallian city of Milan O when I travel to Victorias Island to greet Mr. Foolala. I can see I have lots to learn as the "Smiling assessor"
I de fine O dealing with these people while you travel on Business essenshuls in the capitols of Europe.
We can now work as brothers (even same Mother different Father) and pick the toppest men for our fine interprises. Let us not quarrel O and steal fine men from each other. We must have the "Aunty Peaching Agreements" to decide which of us shall employ fine men like Chuckies and Smoggy Boxes. Let us keep our arms short and not reach down our deep pockets without necessary reasons! We must only offer accommodations in places such as the Starred King to our finest men - we can find much cheaper lodges for the High Polloy. We can include our brother Noble Hacking in our agreements to keep our budgets as tight as the dogs ears.
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personal secretary with pointy protuberances and G strings to attend to your every whin.
May I greet this fine Lady - I am in need of extra Humane Resources Staffs in Ikeja and this person seems to have the ticks in her box!
Can we have a union, me and Soggy Boxers and all the other toppest ex-parts? You know, terms and conditions all laid down along with the pointy bits disting and no chopping and changing and "Hey, who ran off with the Pension Fund surplus?" No, not like that last time and the time before and... Oh, well, never mind.
So, when do I start? And how do I travel, given that Interflug and Balkan Air are out of business? If I have to go in a crate I insist on air holes.
Well, Foamy, I think it's fair to say that you have well and truly usurped Mrs Malaprop! By comparison she looks like an A* GCSE pupil (are they above or below greenshield stamps these days?) Well done to the ruiners up!
Now, if only I knew a) who you are and, b) who you are supposed to be!!!
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If I have to go in a crate I insist on air holes
Chuks, I'm sure you've seen plenty of them in your time
Can we be serious now? We hear, Foamy, that your HR wonderkids have 100 or more chaps and chapesses on, or going through S-92 training. Some in the West Palm in the States, some in Farnborough, UK. Someone mentioned that there is no rush for Nigeria, and now as a result the Nigerian S-92 is plying the Scotch routes offshore Scatsta. This has been confirmed as true. So, no contract yet?
Contract or not (and supposedly it is yet again........... imminent) I hope they will have repacked the floats before it starts the ferry flight - c'est loin avec ces grands ballons non?
What is happening to the 2 x 225's for CHC(in Aero colours) for Nigeria sitting in France since May?
If they don't want them in Nigeria several other operations in the CHC group will gladly snap them up.
Can we have a union, me and Soggy Boxers and all the other toppest ex-parts?
Catpain Chuckies - of courses you fine mens can have Union. It is no longer problems since Scotch Bosses have decreed that will no longer "pay any heed to these loons" and discussions will only take place every 3 years! But take care O - if you try to "stir up the unwashed messes" you may end up as Assistant Float Plane Rope Catcher at the Lekki pontoon!
Murderous Punk,
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We hear, Foamy, that your HR wonderkids have 100 or more chaps and chapesses on, or going through S-92 training. Some in the West Palm in the States, some in Farnborough, UK.
Someone mentioned that there is no rush for Nigeria, and now as a result the Nigerian S-92 is plying the Scotch routes offshore Scatsta.
This has been confirmed as true. So, no contract yet?
We in HR keep these secrets closed in our chest so stop this fishing now! You and Blackhawk Down Under must wait for our Master Plan to be reviled.
And Juan
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c'est loin avec ces grands ballons non?
We love you Froggy peoples - Une femme avec les grands ballons est mieux quand il fait froid dehors! N'est ce pas? This is what my girlfriend from Niamey with the fine ballons and nyash tells me!
Mrs chuks just heard a rumour that the girls in Lagos are hot-hot-hot like monkey pepper soup. Probably just started by some jealous helicopter pilot, but you know how women are! Now she wants me to stay right where I am, Cabin Number 37, Burning Sands Airstrip, East Nowhere, Algeria.
It would help very much if you, Mr Coolings, could please inform her that your company works to ISO 9001 Standards which totally preclude any sort of jiggy-jiggy on the part of toppest floor staff such as I hope to be.
I already pointed out to her the way the Page 3 girls from "Punch, The Paper for Lively Minds" had their pointy bits blacked out years ago by small-minded mens with black markers plus the way that naughty movie Boogie Nights was banned despite large outbreaks of roadside cannibalism in our very own Centre of Excrements but the miserable woman is screeching like a fishwife plus flailing away at my bonce with one high-quality German frying pan every time I float the idea of a return to my second home.
We Oyingbo are not the mastahs you Yoruba are and I need help, otherwise there shall be one empty office on that toppest floor and no one to applaud your memos, laugh at your jokes and carry your bag to the Vee-boot at the end of the short working day.
"No condition is permanent," okay, but this domestic life is lasting very, very long.
Why not try for oil company Aviation Advisor ? They just criticise (something I recall you had a knack for) and they pay real pilot wages........... Imagine being able to order all those helicopter pilots around, just for the sake of it ?
You won't get the chance to sample any cheeky girls either as being born again is an interview pre-requisite.
I am sweating with anticipation. No, drooling! Okay, both! What a mess! Give me a minute to mop my brow and adjust my bib... Okay, back in business. (As some famous Frog once said, "Old age is a ship-wreck!")
Tiny grains of suspicion are grating in the mind of chuks: If this is such a good deal why has not the famous NEO done one of his "rat up a drainpipe" numbers and already materialised as said Advisor like so many of our Bristow brothers? Is there something about this you are not telling me?
"Born again"? What be dis ting? Is this like "funny handshake with one pants leg rolled up", another career-enhancer I never got sorted?
I can quote chapter and verse from King James Bible no problem to the point where one might be unwisely tempted to let me hold billfold while going in for a swim-results not guaranteed. Will that do or must I go on to speaking in tongues and fondling serpents? Surely writing memos in true management style counts as speaking in tongues and anyone who has spent much time in a Nigerian bar has fondled or been fondled by a few serpents so I guess I am already there.
I would love to be giving of the helps and advices to my rotary-wing brothers especially because of my totally original approach to this form of aviation thanks to a rather profound and all-encompassing ignorance of same. Not just confusion but ignorance too and all for one low-low price.
Nice trip - coastline on the right to Gibraltar -coastline on the left to Nigeria :-) At least that is how I'd like to do it... who needs GPS?!
Way before GPS we used to just fly straight down to Lagos through the Sahara - took about 6 - 7 days from the UK in a 212. (Unless you were ex Army and took twice as long!)
Typical Route: -
Redhill - La Rochelle (Great Seafood) - Palma - Algiers - Ins Salah - Tamanrasset - Agadez - Niamey - Lagos.
Whatever happened to D.R.?
Trog
p.s. I know politics in Algeria now rule out this route!
Help For Our Good Friend Mr Coolings
. As company executives with a toppest rated company it has often fallen to us to have to make hard decisions. Luckily we have our own Foamy Coolings in the form of Mr Foolala who really knows how to use a styletto. People would never dare insult him on an open forum such as this if they wanted to get out alive. Mr Coolings, you are obviously a very good man having to make hard business decisions like daddy and I do all the time. Have you by any chance attended toppest university with book and computer such as Daddy and myself have done? If you care to visit our luxuriously appointed offices at MMIA, we can introduce you to Mr Foolala who will show you how to sharpen your styletto and use it to effect a rear entry wound while still facing your ardversary. Mr Armed Lick could well benefit from having a man trained in these arts so he can run his company as daddy and I run ours, untramelled by morning Minnies. 
Floatiest S92
Unions - No Wahallah!
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