Caught Short
Back in the days of the Mirage fighter, a deployment in Darwin was heading back to Williamtown, after the obligatory last-night-p155up.
Old mate as no.4 in the formation is cruising along down the back when he feels THOSE rumbles. He has to do it, cannot delay. No autopilot, so trim it as best he could, undo the ejection seat harness.
Undo the parachute harness, wriggle it off.
Undo the Mae West jacket, wriggle it off. A Mirage cockpit is tiny, so he is starting to run out of room.
Undo the G-suit, wriggle it down.
Unzip the one-piece flying suit, wriggle it down.
Jocks down.
Cr@p into a flying glove, oops, both flying gloves. Tie them off.
Jocks up
Flying suit up, zip up
G-suit up, zip up
Mae West back on
Parachute harness on
Ejection seat harness on.
Whew! Looks up at the rest of his formation - nobody there.
They had turned over the waypoint and gone to the next one.
Mad scramble to find them on the search radar, a little afterburner to catch them, and they wonder why he needed more fuel at the mid-stop than all the rest.
Old mate as no.4 in the formation is cruising along down the back when he feels THOSE rumbles. He has to do it, cannot delay. No autopilot, so trim it as best he could, undo the ejection seat harness.
Undo the parachute harness, wriggle it off.
Undo the Mae West jacket, wriggle it off. A Mirage cockpit is tiny, so he is starting to run out of room.
Undo the G-suit, wriggle it down.
Unzip the one-piece flying suit, wriggle it down.
Jocks down.
Cr@p into a flying glove, oops, both flying gloves. Tie them off.
Jocks up
Flying suit up, zip up
G-suit up, zip up
Mae West back on
Parachute harness on
Ejection seat harness on.
Whew! Looks up at the rest of his formation - nobody there.
They had turned over the waypoint and gone to the next one.
Mad scramble to find them on the search radar, a little afterburner to catch them, and they wonder why he needed more fuel at the mid-stop than all the rest.
A mate was flying his Skyfox with door open, pissing into the fuel drainer having to pinch off every time it filled up, throw out the door and release pince again. Took quite a while to get it done.
Gerry, are you referring to the pilot, PD, who was very tall? That was another weird part to the story, how he managed to do all that with his long lanky legs. He was a chopper pilot before moving onto Mirages, eventually made it to Air Commodore, now retired. No bull.
Ascend Charlie, would PD's nickname have been 'Device'?
I had a backseat passenger flight in a 77 Sqn Mirage in 1980. (My MACHBUSTER CERTIFICATE still proudly on my office wall.) So I'm a little bit sceptical that one would dare attempt to do this....
If we're talking about PD being 'Device' then he sure was tall.
But my quip was that it was possibly a tall story!
I had a backseat passenger flight in a 77 Sqn Mirage in 1980. (My MACHBUSTER CERTIFICATE still proudly on my office wall.) So I'm a little bit sceptical that one would dare attempt to do this....
If we're talking about PD being 'Device' then he sure was tall.
But my quip was that it was possibly a tall story!
One former student of mine learnt to fly after surviving throat cancer. They had removed all his saliva glands so a water bottle was a constant companion in the C150.
This constant water intake meant he had pretty good bladder control but one day yes, he was caught short.
First problem was that his water bottle was still part full. Not knowing when he could get more water, he chose to drink it then and there. In so doing he missed a valuable lesson.
He wriggled about to get his equipment pointed at the little water bottle which led to problem 2- bladder bigger than bottle and he was going to overflow.
Logically, he decided to empty the bottle out the window. While pinching Percy tightly, juggling flight controls and bottle full to brimming, he opened the pilots window of the C150 and tipped out.
....from the front of the window opening.
Problem 3 was the circulation of the airflow which blew all the effluvium back in at the rear of the window, at which he let go of the bottle and used both hands to shut the window.
Problem 4 was that he had just let go of Percy....
This constant water intake meant he had pretty good bladder control but one day yes, he was caught short.
First problem was that his water bottle was still part full. Not knowing when he could get more water, he chose to drink it then and there. In so doing he missed a valuable lesson.
He wriggled about to get his equipment pointed at the little water bottle which led to problem 2- bladder bigger than bottle and he was going to overflow.
Logically, he decided to empty the bottle out the window. While pinching Percy tightly, juggling flight controls and bottle full to brimming, he opened the pilots window of the C150 and tipped out.
....from the front of the window opening.
Problem 3 was the circulation of the airflow which blew all the effluvium back in at the rear of the window, at which he let go of the bottle and used both hands to shut the window.
Problem 4 was that he had just let go of Percy....
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A 4l wine cask bladder, with the rubber valve (not a tap), pressed flat, folded and held by elastic band, makes a compact emergency loo. Pull off the valve, use as required, press valve back on and park the bladder elsewhere until you land. Works great with minimal gymnastics. No 2s, no option. 
or prostate issues..........
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About four hours into a nine hour ferry flight in a small piston twin, I broke out in a cold sweat and felt the first rumblings from the belly. Knew I was stupid to eat the sea food.
Fortunately I had a large black garbage bag. So for the rest of the journey I sat with one arse cheek on one seat, the other on the other, with the bag between the two. Poor customs guy in BN almost passed out when he stuck his head in, funnily I never noticed the pong.
Fortunately I had a large black garbage bag. So for the rest of the journey I sat with one arse cheek on one seat, the other on the other, with the bag between the two. Poor customs guy in BN almost passed out when he stuck his head in, funnily I never noticed the pong.
I just had to releive myself
Doing refugee shuttles from one airstrip to another in PNG near the Irian Jaya border many years ago, I had my girlfriend along for the ride. THE ride.
We were empty on the back leg. What can possibly happen at 11,000 feet?
No autopilot. No worries. The front left seat of the Twin Otter has ample enough room for a nimble young one doing rear facing duties. There was a clean up garment required that was dutifully jettisoned into the jungle. Lucky PNG is sparsely populated.
We were empty on the back leg. What can possibly happen at 11,000 feet?
No autopilot. No worries. The front left seat of the Twin Otter has ample enough room for a nimble young one doing rear facing duties. There was a clean up garment required that was dutifully jettisoned into the jungle. Lucky PNG is sparsely populated.
Man Bilong Balus long PNG
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Looking forward to returning to Japan soon but in the meantime continuing the never ending search for a bad bottle of Red!
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Maisk Rotum; Nogat sem bilong yu?
Littering!!
There was a clean up garment required that was dutifully jettisoned into the jungle.
