Beginner's guide to the RAF rank structure
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Bring on the popcorn
And Lord Craig?
4mastacker, I have no idea what that badge is - but why is that rather camp unicorn wearing lipstick and staring up a pussycat's bum whilst piddling on the floor?
The original version of 'rank':
Air Marshal
Can leap tall buildings with a single bound
More powerful than a steam train
Faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water and
Gives policy to God
Air Commodore
Can leap tall buildings with a running start
More powerful than a diesel engine
Just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if sea is calm
Discusses policy with God
Group Captain
Leaps short buildings with a single bound
More powerful than tank engines
Can occasionally keep up with a speeding bullet
Walks on water in small lakes
Talks with God
Wing Commander
Leaps short buildings with a running start
Is almost as powerful as a tank engine
Is able to avoid a speeding bullet
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools
Talks to God if special request is granted
Squadron Leader
Can just clear a small hut
Loses tug of war with tank engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
Flight Lieutenant
Demolishes chimney when leaping small huts
Is run over by steam trains
Can handle a gun
Dog paddles adequately
Talks to animals
Flying Officer
Runs into buildings
Recognises steam trains two times out of three
Is not issued with guns
Can stay afloat with Mae West
Talks to walls
Pilot Officer
Falls over doorsteps
Says I see no trains
Wets himself with water pistol
Stays on dry land
Mumbles to himself
Warrant Officer
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them
Kicks steam trains off the tracks
Catches bullets in his teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
Because He is God!
The original version of 'rank':
Air Marshal
Can leap tall buildings with a single bound
More powerful than a steam train
Faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water and
Gives policy to God
Air Commodore
Can leap tall buildings with a running start
More powerful than a diesel engine
Just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if sea is calm
Discusses policy with God
Group Captain
Leaps short buildings with a single bound
More powerful than tank engines
Can occasionally keep up with a speeding bullet
Walks on water in small lakes
Talks with God
Wing Commander
Leaps short buildings with a running start
Is almost as powerful as a tank engine
Is able to avoid a speeding bullet
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools
Talks to God if special request is granted
Squadron Leader
Can just clear a small hut
Loses tug of war with tank engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
Flight Lieutenant
Demolishes chimney when leaping small huts
Is run over by steam trains
Can handle a gun
Dog paddles adequately
Talks to animals
Flying Officer
Runs into buildings
Recognises steam trains two times out of three
Is not issued with guns
Can stay afloat with Mae West
Talks to walls
Pilot Officer
Falls over doorsteps
Says I see no trains
Wets himself with water pistol
Stays on dry land
Mumbles to himself
Warrant Officer
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them
Kicks steam trains off the tracks
Catches bullets in his teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
Because He is God!
Mandatory operations when selected for promotion in the RCAF or RCN
Maj/LCdr to LCol/Cdr: Remove heart
LCol/Cdr to Col/Capt(N): Remove spine
Col/Capt(N) Bgn/Cmdre: Remove brain
Maj/LCdr to LCol/Cdr: Remove heart
LCol/Cdr to Col/Capt(N): Remove spine
Col/Capt(N) Bgn/Cmdre: Remove brain
I don't know about in the Air Force, although I presume the wearer of 4mastacker's badge does much the same as in the Army:
Tells Lieutenants
Counsels Captains
Advises Majors
Discusses the options with Colonels.
Tells Lieutenants
Counsels Captains
Advises Majors
Discusses the options with Colonels.
I thought Sir Michael Beetham was still alive, with the rank of Marshal of the Royal Air Force.
And Lord Craig
That is a really terrible badge 4mastacker - did you get it out of a cereal packet?
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The title of this thread is missing a word from it, "officer".
In the interest of parity for those that realise there is a far bigger and more powerful rank structure in the RAF
Images nicked from Faceache
In the interest of parity for those that realise there is a far bigger and more powerful rank structure in the RAF
Images nicked from Faceache
Avoid imitations
A certain RAF Loadmaster was working down the back of a C130. An Army Major called "I say, Staff....STAFF!"
The Loadie ignored him.
"STAFF...STAFF! I'm talking to YOU!"
Loadie says: "Oh, do you mean me, sir? I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant..."
Major: "Well, Flight Sergeant, if you were in the army, you'd be a Staff Sergeant!"
Loadie: "If I was in the Army, sir, I'd be a Brigadier!"
The Loadie ignored him.
"STAFF...STAFF! I'm talking to YOU!"
Loadie says: "Oh, do you mean me, sir? I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant..."
Major: "Well, Flight Sergeant, if you were in the army, you'd be a Staff Sergeant!"
Loadie: "If I was in the Army, sir, I'd be a Brigadier!"
..but why is that rather camp unicorn wearing lipstick and staring up a pussycat's bum whilst piddling on the floor?
The current light blue must observe equality, diversity and inclusivity and all persuasions of real and mythical tastes must be catered for - unlike the "old", non-PC, days when a red-blooded unicorn would be trying to s**g the cat.
Wonderful quote from a crusty WO to a Pilot Officer, when questioned as to why he didn't salute him
'With that braid, I don't know if I should salute it, or floss with it...'
'With that braid, I don't know if I should salute it, or floss with it...'
During a visit to Redstone Arsenal in deepest Alabama for some trials we were escorted by a US Army 1st Lt. After I was introduced she mused 'mmmm, warrant officer, that's sort of like an officer who works, right'? Yeah,right.
A certain RAF Loadmaster was working down the back of a C130. An Army Major called "I say, Staff....STAFF!"
The Loadie ignored him.
"STAFF...STAFF! I'm talking to YOU!"
Loadie says: "Oh, do you mean me, sir? I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant..."
Major: "Well, Flight Sergeant, if you were in the army, you'd be a Staff Sergeant!"
Loadie: "If I was in the Army, sir, I'd be a Brigadier!"
- Shy Torque 27 Jul 15
Which reminds me of an exchange about ten years later in the RAF:
Army officer to Argosy FE: "I say, Staff Sergeant . . "
FE: "I'm a Flight Sergeant, Sir."
AO: "Ah, if you were in the Army you'd be a Staff Sergeant."
FE: "No, Sir, if I was in the Army, I'd be a Brigadier!"
Boom, boom!
- Basil 24 May 15
I was sat on, erm, a Nimrod C130 once, next to a SNCO - mate of mine -manning the door gun. This army Brigadier was shouting "Staff! Staff!" to get his attention.
Well, my mate was having none of it until the Brigadier was right in his face. The Brigadier asked if he was ignoring him, my mate said he didn't know it was him being called as he was a flight sergeant, right?
So the Brigadier said, "Well, if you were in the army, you'd be a staff sergeant."
And my mate said, this is brilliant, "No Sir, if I was in the army, I'd be a Colonel." We were in stitches honestly. Legend.
- Scuttled 19 Dec 2011
Topcliffe, early 80's. RAF training Royal Navy to fly on an Army Base.
RAF Flt Sgt B***e stood in the middle of the Bulldog line watching the see off's.
Enter Army major (with obligatory dog), being rather unsure of where to go, the Major calls to the Flt Sgt.
Maj: "Staff Sergeant."
Flt Sgt ignores the Major.
Maj: calls again (but louder) "Staff Sergeant, Staff Sergeant"
Flt Sgt ignores the Major.
At this point the Major takes his life (and his dog's life) in his hands and marches across the apron, dodges between the taxying Bulldogs and collars the Flt Sgt.
Maj: "Staff Sergeant, did you not hear me calling you?
Flt Sgt: "Oh, I'm sorry sir, but I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant"
Maj: "If you were in this Regiment, you would be a Staff Sergeant"
At this, Flt Sgt B***e responded
"No Sir, if I was in your Regiment, I would be a lieutenant Colonel"
- Taxydual 10 Apr 08
Telling the chaps at work today of this site I heard one about a Lt Col travelling baggage class in a Herc. As the loadie was walking aft,the Lt Col called out 'Staff....Staff'
The loadie chose to ignore him and carried on his way.
Job done, the loadie makes his way up front again and once more the agitated Lt Col calls out 'STAFF....STAFF'
The loadie has had enough by now and says 'Look, I am Flight Sergeant, not a bloody wooden stick'
To which the Lt Col says 'If you were in the Army, you would be a staff sergeant, hence STAFF'
The loadie smugly replies..'If I were in the army I would be a Lt Col!'
- Satco's Whipping Boy 8 Sep 2000
Come on chaps - do make your mind up!
Looks like C130s win, - at least for as far back as I'm prepared to look after less than five minutes looking - but I can't help feeling that Scuttled may have got a little bit confused.....
Jack
The Loadie ignored him.
"STAFF...STAFF! I'm talking to YOU!"
Loadie says: "Oh, do you mean me, sir? I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant..."
Major: "Well, Flight Sergeant, if you were in the army, you'd be a Staff Sergeant!"
Loadie: "If I was in the Army, sir, I'd be a Brigadier!"
- Shy Torque 27 Jul 15
Which reminds me of an exchange about ten years later in the RAF:
Army officer to Argosy FE: "I say, Staff Sergeant . . "
FE: "I'm a Flight Sergeant, Sir."
AO: "Ah, if you were in the Army you'd be a Staff Sergeant."
FE: "No, Sir, if I was in the Army, I'd be a Brigadier!"
Boom, boom!
- Basil 24 May 15
I was sat on, erm, a Nimrod C130 once, next to a SNCO - mate of mine -manning the door gun. This army Brigadier was shouting "Staff! Staff!" to get his attention.
Well, my mate was having none of it until the Brigadier was right in his face. The Brigadier asked if he was ignoring him, my mate said he didn't know it was him being called as he was a flight sergeant, right?
So the Brigadier said, "Well, if you were in the army, you'd be a staff sergeant."
And my mate said, this is brilliant, "No Sir, if I was in the army, I'd be a Colonel." We were in stitches honestly. Legend.
- Scuttled 19 Dec 2011
Topcliffe, early 80's. RAF training Royal Navy to fly on an Army Base.
RAF Flt Sgt B***e stood in the middle of the Bulldog line watching the see off's.
Enter Army major (with obligatory dog), being rather unsure of where to go, the Major calls to the Flt Sgt.
Maj: "Staff Sergeant."
Flt Sgt ignores the Major.
Maj: calls again (but louder) "Staff Sergeant, Staff Sergeant"
Flt Sgt ignores the Major.
At this point the Major takes his life (and his dog's life) in his hands and marches across the apron, dodges between the taxying Bulldogs and collars the Flt Sgt.
Maj: "Staff Sergeant, did you not hear me calling you?
Flt Sgt: "Oh, I'm sorry sir, but I'm a Flight Sergeant, not a Staff Sergeant"
Maj: "If you were in this Regiment, you would be a Staff Sergeant"
At this, Flt Sgt B***e responded
"No Sir, if I was in your Regiment, I would be a lieutenant Colonel"
- Taxydual 10 Apr 08
Telling the chaps at work today of this site I heard one about a Lt Col travelling baggage class in a Herc. As the loadie was walking aft,the Lt Col called out 'Staff....Staff'
The loadie chose to ignore him and carried on his way.
Job done, the loadie makes his way up front again and once more the agitated Lt Col calls out 'STAFF....STAFF'
The loadie has had enough by now and says 'Look, I am Flight Sergeant, not a bloody wooden stick'
To which the Lt Col says 'If you were in the Army, you would be a staff sergeant, hence STAFF'
The loadie smugly replies..'If I were in the army I would be a Lt Col!'
- Satco's Whipping Boy 8 Sep 2000
Come on chaps - do make your mind up!
Looks like C130s win, - at least for as far back as I'm prepared to look after less than five minutes looking - but I can't help feeling that Scuttled may have got a little bit confused.....
Jack
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Well if it's the silly old games (i.e. Flight, Flight!....No Sir I'd be a Group Captain), then there's always this one:
Army corporal strolling down the main drag in Div HQ one day, and along comes a Flt Lt going the other way. "Morning Sir" (no salute) .
"You there! Don't you salute Flight Lieutenants in the Army?"
"No Sir, we don't have any".
Army corporal strolling down the main drag in Div HQ one day, and along comes a Flt Lt going the other way. "Morning Sir" (no salute) .
"You there! Don't you salute Flight Lieutenants in the Army?"
"No Sir, we don't have any".