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Old 7th Oct 2011, 19:34   #21 (permalink)
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Apocrypha is clearly alive and on this thread!

Thanks for your post Wyvern. I guessed it had happened but equally thought it might be an urban/military myth.

Regarding Wwyvern and A2QFI's tale, they may not be aware that an even earlier version of that type of "story" actually goes back to the First World War and a Punch cartoon. It shows a very large bearded, seaboot-stockinged, and submarine-sweatered submarine officer standing in the control room of his command alongside a rather puny looking chinless wonder of a rupert (in current parlance), complete with riding breeches and swagger stick, looking at at the myriad of piping, dials and controls, and saying words to the effect of, "I suppose you've got some sort of sergeant johnny who knows how all this works"!

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose ....

Good luck to Jamesman next week - BomberH could be on the right track!

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Old 7th Oct 2011, 21:53   #22 (permalink)
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Well (as always!) I shall be no help whatsoever but.......

Legend has it that "PC" (38 Gp EU Odiham) was on exchange with the RN.
When asked to speak at Taranto Night he stood up and said:
"Only the Royal Navy could celebrate a victory against the Italians"
He left via the nearest window so, as has been said, I suggest you try to find a joke that lets the Army come out tops - but never let your own service suffer.

Suggestions, none!
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Old 7th Oct 2011, 22:27   #23 (permalink)
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If you are looking not to antagonise the Pongos too much, you could always talk about the Army having a fine regimental history, whilst the Air Force still only has habits. Or maybe pander to the various stereotypes they have of us as being gong hunting hotel inspectors. And then remind them they could have been one if they had paid more attention at school
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Old 7th Oct 2011, 22:33   #24 (permalink)

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You want banter?

Tell them the RAF Regiment are one of the "Big Three"... You'll have them rolling in the aisles...
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Old 7th Oct 2011, 22:52   #25 (permalink)
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Simply google the topic of the thread.... to get the likes of these, then adapt them to suit.....

British Red Coats

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.

During one battle, the French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him.
The French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.
And that is why from that day to now all French Army officers wear brown pants.
Military Humor - Jokes and Sayings


Telling Time

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If you’re an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If you’re an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If you’re a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If you’re a Marine Corps aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. But if you’re an Army aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour!!!".

I quite liked this, but erm wouldn't be what you are after...

The value of an Officer VS a NCO
A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
The little boy was playing with a pile of sh*t. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of sh*t?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of sh*t, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of sh*t, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough sh*t to build an officer"
Military jokes. Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines jokes
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Old 7th Oct 2011, 23:13   #26 (permalink)
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Or, you could describe your long and deliberate research into rumours of allegedly aristocratic RAF NCO aircrew serving on Nimrods.

And that you eventually uncovered evidence of 2 such (wet) men who could indeed trace their lineage all the way back to their father!

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Old 8th Oct 2011, 08:45   #27 (permalink)
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Young Pilot Officer at Akrotiri approached 48 Command Workshops with a Lance Corporal on Guard. Said Guard just waved him through. Pilot Officer says Aren't you going to pay me a compliment. Lance Corporal replies your aftershave smells lovely Sir!
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 09:00   #28 (permalink)
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Non specific service joke which you might be able to adapt, as told live on Capital Radio by DJ (and ex Stoker) Mike Osmond.

'Coming to work at Leicester Square at 5.00am yesterday morning, pitch black, cold and raining. A beggar is on the pavement outside the entrance to Capital Radio, sat on his piece of damp cardboard, only got one arm, begging bowl out in front of him and a sign which reads "I lost my arm in the South Atlantic serving my country in 1982." I thought, poor chap, put my hand in my pocket and deposited a crisp 20 pound note into his begging bowl. With tears in his eyes, the ex serviceman picks up the twenty pound note and gives me a heartfelt

"Muchos Gracios Senor"
Old 8th Oct 2011, 09:45   #29 (permalink)
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A retired and well to do colonel was in the city when he noticed a down and out begging. The colonel recognised the man as his former batman and he approached the ex-soldier, who poured out a sorry story of bad luck and mistakes.

“Now look here, old chap” said the colonel “I’ve a decent country pile and need some help around the house and that sort of stuff. We’ll get you cleaned up and you can start right away”.

The old soldier was duly grateful but asked how might serve his old colonel. “You can start off as though you were my batman as in the old days and just do exactly as you did then” replied the colonel.

The following morning at 0700 sharp, there was a tap on the colonel’s bedroom door, in came the old soldier with a cup of tea. He opened the curtains, placed the tea beside the colonel and wished him a good morning, with a brief word about the weather. He then went to the other side of the bed, pulled back the covers, smacked the colonel’s wife smartly across the bottom and said: “It’s back to the village with you my girl”!
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 09:49   #30 (permalink)
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Are 'brownie' points and Army tradition too? Or is that a different sort of brown?

Love the flying boot story - I've known some Canberra pilots that would fill THAT boot!

What a fun thread . . .
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 10:51   #31 (permalink)
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There is a book called 'Laugh with the RAF' by Jim Swift, which is jammed packed with witty jokes and anecdotes from the RAF's history. You may get some inspiration from that.

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Old 8th Oct 2011, 11:05   #32 (permalink)
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2. The exchange major at BAH 1970 was briefing us about his role as FAC instructor. He told us of a pongo who was so thick, even the other pongoes noticed.
He also mentioned that we (Hunter pilots) were so accurate we had to stir the stick to avoid making only one hole in the target.
Probably hard to find a bigger load of tosh than the above. As an ex Army trained FAC I can assure you that if you want the job done properly you call on the Royal Navy, most times the RAF didn't even turn up!
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 11:12   #33 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by parabellum View Post
Probably hard to find a bigger load of tosh than the above. As an ex Army trained FAC I can assure you that if you want the job done properly you call on the Royal Navy, most times the RAF didn't even turn up!
Got to page 2 before the first one takes the hook, must be a record for this sort of thread
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 11:15   #34 (permalink)
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Reminds me of the story I heard from Brunei. The army wanted an RAF Wessex to carry 18 troops for an op. The RAF pilot said, "can't be done, too heavy". An RN Wessex pilot said he'd give it a go, loaded 18, pulled to the hover, re-landed. "See," said the RAF, "can't be done" The RN pilot radio'd, "I'll take three more but thats your lot!!"
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 11:18   #35 (permalink)
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I'm loving this thread, although I've heard a lot of the jokes before; better than the bunfights and slagging-off that seem to be the norm these days!
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 13:06   #36 (permalink)
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Post 9 - Only ONE out there?
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 13:31   #37 (permalink)
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A variation on Wwyvern's "Where does your NCO sit" Army General being shown around a Phantom at Bruggen evidently asked what typical rank flew this thing, when told typically a Flight Leiutenant, equivelant rank Captain. He then asked what sort of chap sat behind him, when told a Navigator of similar rank, he said "you mean to say you allow little more than junior officers up in these things without a responsible NCO!?"

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Old 8th Oct 2011, 14:14   #38 (permalink)
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from Brunei. The army wanted an RAF Wessex to carry 18 troops for an op
Nice piece of FAA b@llsh@t. The RAF never ever ever flew the Wessex in Brunei or Borneo.
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 14:17   #39 (permalink)
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After I related tale of, whilst RAF officer cadet, climbing Pen-y-Fan laden with bergens and numerous other heavy items, an Army officer friend remarked "That's an odd way to go looking for an hotel!"
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Old 8th Oct 2011, 14:48   #40 (permalink)
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I am in the army and my sergeant said to me, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!"
To which I replied, "Oh, thank you very much, sir!"
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