Mrs Bloggs 'At Home' Etiquette/Protocols
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musclemech
Put us all out of our misery and give us a clue as to where this rural village is
PS Promise i will not tell a soul,also what rank did he attain this at home fella?
I remember as a youngster a neighbour coming to my mothers at home do and he left his card on the silver salver. ( He was a Group Captain Rtd) Better get some printed I think as you do not want to let the side down.
Put us all out of our misery and give us a clue as to where this rural village is
PS Promise i will not tell a soul,also what rank did he attain this at home fella?
I remember as a youngster a neighbour coming to my mothers at home do and he left his card on the silver salver. ( He was a Group Captain Rtd) Better get some printed I think as you do not want to let the side down.
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Having recently moved into a new house in a deepest rural English village, the present Mrs MM...
In all seriousness, if you're ex military you'll understand all of the protocols; however, if you're not of the military breed don't be "put off" by any perceptions of what might be expected of you. Go and enjoy yourselves without any pre-conceptions of protocol; most importantly... be yourselves and not what you think you should be!
Yes, a small gift for the lady of the house would be most appreciated... though, don't go overboard!
After the event... a "thank you" note (from Mrs MM - "the current Mrs MM") will ensure that you'll recieve an invite to the next event (assuming that you did genuinely enjoy yourselves!).
Are you prepared, if neccessary, for a return "match"?
TCF
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Quite simple really, preload about 4/8 G and Ts before setting off (get wifey to drive if ness). Bounce through the front door gushing like mad trying to remain upright. Flirt like mad with the wife of regardless of age bearing or looks (the G and Ts will help). Feign interest in all the photos or pictures and wax lyrical with some tenously linked story about yourself helping other people and having no concern for your own advancement/safety. Drink heavily and ask for the music to be turned up and remember to take your own ipod, don't rely on their selection of Mary Hopkins et al. After about two hours of heavy drinking with Rage against the machine blaring in excess of 80 decibals ask for the keys to the Whisky or at the very least vintage port. Continue to drink, one of two things will happen 1. you will be asked to leave. 2. you will have a new bezzer. Either way you will have had a thoroughly good pissup. Don't be surprised in the morning when you find that you didn't actually morph into Pierce Brosnan, the wet patch in the wardrobe was not the dogs responsibility and the cat did not try to make a ham curry. Lastly the pool of vom in the hallway will be yours. Enjoy.
Originally Posted by Two's in
People who don't know what an ATTC BPS Double overhead knurled flange-bracket is may feel excluded.
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The "present" Mrs MM? Are you looking for an exchange version?
Part of the format will be an interview, not just by your hostess, but by the rest of those who play a part in making the village tick. Like all good military types, do your recce first. Find out (pub/PO/garage/parish magazine) who is who, and where there might be an outlet for your talents. Volunteer - saves being press-ganged.
Village life is good fun - the present Mrs AA and I left the smoke twenty years ago, and rolled home from our first village Harvest Supper at about 0400.
I still find it difficult to believe this sort of thing still goes on. People dying in Afghanistan, Pakistan floods, Tsunami, unemployment.
And you are worried about making the right impression to a junior pillock lost in time.
Get a life the lot of you. Join the real world and make a difference. Go round there wearing what you bl**dy well like and talking about current affairs, not what colour suits her outfit or where to purchase the latest springer spaniel.
FFS guys.............................
And you are worried about making the right impression to a junior pillock lost in time.
Get a life the lot of you. Join the real world and make a difference. Go round there wearing what you bl**dy well like and talking about current affairs, not what colour suits her outfit or where to purchase the latest springer spaniel.
FFS guys.............................
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MM,
Debrett's Online - the authority on Etiquette, Taste and Achievement. From the horses mouth as it were.
Regards
Ralph
Debrett's Online - the authority on Etiquette, Taste and Achievement. From the horses mouth as it were.
Regards
Ralph
Come on Thomas, get a life!
If you expect the nation to spend its life in sackcloth and ashes as we bemoan the problems of the world, you've got another think coming.
This thread, as the posts reveal, are nothing more than light banter - great for morale. Just accept it as that and leave the thread unread if it's not for you. You could always start a new thread on how you will put the world right in 27 easy lessons.
Cheer up old chap.
O-D
If you expect the nation to spend its life in sackcloth and ashes as we bemoan the problems of the world, you've got another think coming.
This thread, as the posts reveal, are nothing more than light banter - great for morale. Just accept it as that and leave the thread unread if it's not for you. You could always start a new thread on how you will put the world right in 27 easy lessons.
Cheer up old chap.
O-D
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Farting Etiquette
It's important to cover all angles:
Farting Etiquette
In the middle ages, loudly breaking wind was an act of appreciation to the housewife/hostess: Martin Luther is quoted as supposedly having said Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket? ('Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal?'1). This rule of behaviour has now been abandoned and gas should be released only after having stepped outside. Persistent failure to abide by this rule may lead to social isolation.
Some more points are:
Hope this helps
Farting Etiquette
In the middle ages, loudly breaking wind was an act of appreciation to the housewife/hostess: Martin Luther is quoted as supposedly having said Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket? ('Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal?'1). This rule of behaviour has now been abandoned and gas should be released only after having stepped outside. Persistent failure to abide by this rule may lead to social isolation.
Some more points are:
- If you are a real gentleman and realise that a lady had some small misfortune then you are supposed to plead guilty in her place and formally excuse yourself.
- If you cannot blame the dog because there aren't any around, you may try to shoot an embarrassed look at the nearest of your companions. However, everybody knows this trick and it is extremely likely to fail. The same is true for raising your volume while speaking, or moving your chair in an attempt to cover the sound.
- Pretending to be innocent can help, but only if you manage to keep yourself from asking questions like 'Ooooh, who did that?'. Because everybody knows that whoever smelt it, dealt it, or whoever denied it, supplied it.
- Farts can bring more excitement into wedlock if administered in a Dutch Oven2: this is where one partner lets go a huge fart, pulls the duvet cover or bed sheets over the head of their loved one, trapping them in a confusion of methane, while shouting triumphantly, 'Dutch oven! Dutch oven!' The person trapped will wriggle like an eel, the trapper will then nearly die laughing and it will all end up in a really boisterous play fight. Of course, this is all in questionable taste.
- Passing wind in a lift is strongly advised against. There is no way for the victims to escape or open a window, and revenge may follow immediately.
- It is wise to stay clear of suspect food well before such important occasions as a job interview, the school ball, receiving a Nobel prize, or asking your girlfriend the 'big' question.
- You should know what's about to happen if someone stretches out their hand to you and asks you to pull their finger. There's danger ahead. Don't do it!
- If everything else fails and everybody is staring at you, you may try to turn the wrongdoing into an accomplishment: put on a proud face, declare it as an achievement, and challenge your hostess to beat you with an even louder one. But be prepared for a reply along the lines of 'Pray for your soul because your body is already rotten.
Hope this helps
What About One's Club
Neptunus is right; certainly, the visiting cards must be embossed but it is essential that one’s club is recorded – bottom left, I believe.
I don’t think a few G&Ts beforehand is a good idea!
I once took a female PM nursing sister to a posh cocktail party but she had already taken precautions, lest the drinks supply was impaired. About an hour into the event, she fell to the ground, taking the principal host with her! The interview I had the following morning can best be called; ‘unpleasant’.
The lady quickly realised I was a dead loss and set her hat (it’s called a ‘black dick’ in the PM nursing world by the way – honest) at another officer. She arrived at the wedding having once more prepared for a slow start to the drinks and I’m told the antics at the Reception are still talked about to this very day.
Many years later, whilst travelling to a meeting with others, I spotted said lady and was unable to avoid sitting diagonally across the train aisle from her. I did my best to stare out the window, became engrossed in my newspaper or fell deep into conversation with the others. She, however, apparently kept staring at me and after she left the train, I was asked what it was all about. I recounted the tale and one of my companions said the book she had with her was something like; “The WHICH book of getting divorced”!! Lucky escape pour moi.
O-D
I don’t think a few G&Ts beforehand is a good idea!
I once took a female PM nursing sister to a posh cocktail party but she had already taken precautions, lest the drinks supply was impaired. About an hour into the event, she fell to the ground, taking the principal host with her! The interview I had the following morning can best be called; ‘unpleasant’.
The lady quickly realised I was a dead loss and set her hat (it’s called a ‘black dick’ in the PM nursing world by the way – honest) at another officer. She arrived at the wedding having once more prepared for a slow start to the drinks and I’m told the antics at the Reception are still talked about to this very day.
Many years later, whilst travelling to a meeting with others, I spotted said lady and was unable to avoid sitting diagonally across the train aisle from her. I did my best to stare out the window, became engrossed in my newspaper or fell deep into conversation with the others. She, however, apparently kept staring at me and after she left the train, I was asked what it was all about. I recounted the tale and one of my companions said the book she had with her was something like; “The WHICH book of getting divorced”!! Lucky escape pour moi.
O-D
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Neptunus Rex
Embossed obviously. Is there any other way a gentleman would have his cards done?
Assumed everyone knew that although i feel it still comes under the general category of printing.
Embossed obviously. Is there any other way a gentleman would have his cards done?
Assumed everyone knew that although i feel it still comes under the general category of printing.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Trouble is you can get these horible 'plastic' embossed cards these days.
Don't forget to put your club on the card rather than anything common like an address.
Don't forget to put your club on the card rather than anything common like an address.
Gentleman Aviator
No no no no no no - not embossed but engraved. That is to say, made by an engraver chappie carving a copper plate to be used.
Real printers' ink too, so the indentation of the engraving gives the printing a raised nature which can be detected (as can its absence) by the surreptitious running of a fingernail across the card under investigation.
Pshaw to "embossed", I'm disappointed in you PN, and particularly you O-D.
As ever in these cases, one defers to Stradling:
One notes in passing,with approval, that thegypsy's mother maintains a silver salver for the appropriate purpose.
O-D You are right with the club info ..... up to a point! Stradling again:
I just love that last sentence in brackets!!
Real printers' ink too, so the indentation of the engraving gives the printing a raised nature which can be detected (as can its absence) by the surreptitious running of a fingernail across the card under investigation.
Pshaw to "embossed", I'm disappointed in you PN, and particularly you O-D.
As ever in these cases, one defers to Stradling:
"Cards must be of the correct size, those for officers being 1 1/2 x 3 in., and those for their wives 2 5/8 x 3 3/8 in., and must be of the first quality.
Do not commit the error of having cards "printed" at any old stationers, thinking no one will know.
Your name must be engraved on a copper plate. The difference is apparent at once to the touch; the writing can be felt on a card made from a plate, whereas the ordinary printed card will feel smooth......"
Do not commit the error of having cards "printed" at any old stationers, thinking no one will know.
Your name must be engraved on a copper plate. The difference is apparent at once to the touch; the writing can be felt on a card made from a plate, whereas the ordinary printed card will feel smooth......"
O-D You are right with the club info ..... up to a point! Stradling again:
" ...... and there must be no other wording unless the officer is a member of a recognized club, when the name of such club may be inserted in small script in the bottom left-hand corner. (A sports club does not come within the category of recognized clubs.)"
....the rest of those who play a part in making the village tick.
If, rather than some 'mwah mwah' air kissing nonsense, the hostess chooses to shake your hand and then compliments you on how warm it is, do NOT reply (as one Wg Cdr once did) "They should be, madam, I've just been scratching my arse!" Mind you, that was to some trollop in a Newquay pub.
If brave try:
"You have a really lovely arse, Mrs (pongo)"
"I beg your pardon, young man?"
"I said what a lovely house you have - and such a pretty garden as well!"
Eating Humble Pie
Of course it's too late to say 'I really meant engraved' and I am suitably humbled at my error being so publically exposed!
I still have the plate from when I was plain 'Mr' (Plt & Fg Offs) and it sits in a trunk in the attic - perhaps I should get it down and get some cards done!! By time I had passed my 'B' Exam (that really shows my age) things were a sight more relaxed.
I liked the bit about the two cards in the Mess on arrival and two on departure. Calling on Mrs CO and for those married, no other wife would visit until one's wife and you had called on Mrs CO; all good stuff along with 'treating', tipping one's batman, blue & white mess kit waistcoats, ladies only allowed in the bar on certain nights, sports jackets/blazers on Wednesdays and at weekends (suits all other nights).
At my OCTU, one of the instructors ate a dinner 'by numbers' whilst another instructor pointed out to the assembled cadet body the finer points of table manners (push the soup spoon away and draw the cereal spoon towards, no peas on the knife, finish a mouthful before charging the fork). We then went through the; 'introduce the man to the lady, junior to senior, etc'. Never discuss religion, politics or ladies in the mess and so it goes on!
Happy Days.
O-D
I still have the plate from when I was plain 'Mr' (Plt & Fg Offs) and it sits in a trunk in the attic - perhaps I should get it down and get some cards done!! By time I had passed my 'B' Exam (that really shows my age) things were a sight more relaxed.
I liked the bit about the two cards in the Mess on arrival and two on departure. Calling on Mrs CO and for those married, no other wife would visit until one's wife and you had called on Mrs CO; all good stuff along with 'treating', tipping one's batman, blue & white mess kit waistcoats, ladies only allowed in the bar on certain nights, sports jackets/blazers on Wednesdays and at weekends (suits all other nights).
At my OCTU, one of the instructors ate a dinner 'by numbers' whilst another instructor pointed out to the assembled cadet body the finer points of table manners (push the soup spoon away and draw the cereal spoon towards, no peas on the knife, finish a mouthful before charging the fork). We then went through the; 'introduce the man to the lady, junior to senior, etc'. Never discuss religion, politics or ladies in the mess and so it goes on!
Happy Days.
O-D
